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Alcohol and Alcoholics
Humans and Their Controlled Substances
Since I'm relatively anonymous here, I must mention this is a bit of a personal rant for me, because I'm married to an alcoholic. And I need a place to outlet my feelings, where I am not judged, and where I can actually go there, on my own time, without a sponsor, and try and work out the shit that I have to deal with.

TBH, my life has been riddled with bullshit from alcoholics, I was born of the sperm of an alcoholic "dad" who probably does not know I exist, I was in a band with a guy who lost a girlfriend to a drunk driver, my spouse's auntie's kid was put in a coma by a drunk driver - which is why the fucking hell I can't comprehend why her and everyone else fcking participates in the consumption of this weasel piss. I spent my entire goddamn thirties being judged by a bunch of "feminist" alcoholics with a sense of entitlement.

First and foremost, I don't find drinking fun or numbing in any sort of way, I find it boring, and kind of painful. I don't understand what a person sees in this shit to actually drink it. I only drink to look *normal* to the alcoholic masses that fill the United States so my generally T-toataler otherwise point of view is finally ignored by the raging alcoholic scumbags that fill our country. Why the hell do you think AA and AlAnon are so damn popular? It certainly is not a sign of sobriety as a nation, I'll tell you that.

My own experiences with alcohol have ranged from downright painful (shots of Aristocrat, being over-served wine at my wedding making me a clumsy git, being made so drunk on my 26th birthday by my co-workers I have to wonder if it's why I had troubles remaining hired 2-3 years later, having to drive my belligerent bandmate home while also somewhat toasted myself because getting arrested for a potential DUI seemed safer than potentially getting arrested in a highly liberal state when the idiot cops confused me for the fat moron yelling sexually explicit shit at every woman on the street in town)....to borderline self destructive. Let me tell you something, all the stories about "drunk rock stars" writing "hits" while drunk is total horseshit! The hits were written stone cold sober! I know I sound like a cliched D.A.R.E. program - but hey, I'm not surprised I have to defend my own fucking statements, most of you thought the D.A.R.E. program was the introduction to finding yourself a drug dealer to get high from!

Now, here's what it's like having an alcoholic in your life, it's a progressive disease, like cancer, and they will die someday. Just like Cancer, not many people survive alcoholism, actually I've heard of more cancer survivors than alcoholics surviving and getting through alcoholism, especially of the regular average joe variety.

First off, almost all of us think it won't happen to us, or more properly, we just don't think about it at all. Because it's not a thing in our lives. I thought, for the most part, most people drinking one or two drinks a day and getting blasted on the weekends was normal, why? Because I grew up around the goddamn Millennial generation - and we are some of the most drunken idiots on the face of the planet, especially the women. Good good, Millennial Women drink like fucking fish! And it's never something 4.5% like Beer or Wine coolers - no, they go HARD. Vodka, Gin, Bourbon, Whiskey, wines of 15% or higher - and they will get plastered. But at first, she'll do it for "leisure" - but really it's one or two things - social lubricant, or she's self medicating for something (back pains, endometriosis, autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, echschzemia (or however you spell it), cancer - you name it). If a girl's over 30 and has a health disorder - then she's most likely self-medicating through alcohol and marijuana if it's legal (and often if not).

As an outsider entering a relationship with what you don't know is an alcoholic or has the potential, you see nothing as wrong. You get them their "medication" to help them through their hard times and aches and pains that neither of you can afford to go to the doctor for, and don't want to wreck your credit through bankruptcy. They quit for long periods of time, and then when the problems come back, they start drinking again, and you're okay with it, because you have not yet put 1 + 1 together that some of those horrific nights of fighting, potential abuse, and arguments, were all for naught because it was her and her goddamn ALCOHOL talking and not a real, actual, relationship-based issue.

And if you're not being the "Enabler" in the situation - totally unwittingly I might add - someone else is the one enabling her. Offering her THEIR Alcoholism in exchange to fuel your partner's alcoholism. I noticed one friend my spouse had, every time she'd been off the bottle for months, even nearly a year, once her and a certain friend got back together, that friend had a bottle of Barefoot Chardonnay ready to go the minute she showed up, and for months, weeks, years, as long as that friendship goes on - they dive into a bottle together and on one hand, it's nice as a guy in modern society dealing with modern women, because modern women will STOP all their shit as soon as there's something with some percentage of alcohol content to keep them from whatever heinous bullshit they want to throw at your inane activities that they disapprove of. Now while I understand this isn't exclusive just to women - there are men like this too, I've lived the gamut of alcoholism through fair-weather "feminists" who think that drinking is somehow an easy fix for their problems, when it just makes things WORSE!

This can continue for years - for me it went on for almost 10 years of our now 14 year long relationship. And you won't notice until it's too late and you're having to process the future death of a loved one because they have a prognosis of four months to live with a pickled liver, so much ascites (basically, a belly full of liquid caused by liver damage) you realize why their "exercise" and "eating right" was not letting them lose weight, because under there is a skinny, ad honestly, quite unhealthy person with a belly the size of a whale because they refused to quit drinking or find some other way to deal with their shit besides alcohol. now remember what I said about this being a PROGRESSIVE Disease?

Because once this person realizes they might die, they are so torn up that they might actually RECOVER. The Liver is a Regenerative organ, but the doctors are not going to tell an alcoholic that, because that will lead to a very expensive and seemingly endless series of visits to the hospital for liver damage related issues. They will probably also give a WORSE Prognosis for this reason to, to hopefully motivate the (most likely self-destructive) person QUIT alcohol.

Thing is, the first thing everyone tells the alcoholic to do is join AA. Mine joined AA, she got her chip in 50 days! She stayed sober THAT Freakin' long! No relapse. Meanwhile, she whined about the creepy people at the AA meetings, failing to realize she too is headed to the same sort of fate if she does not stop, assuming she'd keep going. It's going to ruin your aging. Everyone I know who drank a lot in their 20's looks like a 40 year old from 1991, while I look like a 20 year old from 1991 at 41 in 2024 because of my limited exposure to this shit. It also damages your brain, Alcoholic Encelopathy - and it causes all kinds of problems. My once bright and tactful wife is now a shell of the woman she was previously. Alcohol has basically killed any intellect she had (and she had a lot of it). So now, you get saddled with this large teenager who may or may not be older than you that you have to take care of LIKE A teenager.

Oh yeah, and if you expect help from *friends* or *family* - hahahahahahah - forget about it. Family and Friends are a big part of how I became a misanthrope. And my spouse's drinking problem was the top of that summit that I crossed over realizing nobody had my corner, not even her own fucking parents. It is here you realize who your true friends are, and you find out that maybe you actually WERE as alone as you thought you were in the world. Lucky for me, I'm used to that feeling, some other people might kill themselves - so I guess also (un)lucky for me, I decided to stop trying to kill myself over it, after all, the problem probably will die.

Friend's will usually tell you to go to AlAnon, or because of their own substance abuse issues - as more adults have these than anyone realizes in this damn country, even the people who voted for D.A.R.E. in the 1990's and were supporting "Just Say No" back in the day - some of those fucks were covering THEIR OWN abuse problems *ahem* back on track - the friend's own substance abuse issues will get in the way, with them either calling you a narc for getting mad at your loved one's abuse issues, and calling you immature, or they will sidestep their own issues and tell you to leave that person. Some may even use it as a chance to hit on you to get you to leave with THEM and THEIR issues.

Family is even worse. Everyone say "go to family". My family just said "get a divorce, move out, move on" like it's easy enough for me to do, like shutting off a bedroom light switch. Her family, sidestepping their own alcohol consumptions issues - such as witnessing one of them being quasi-racist under the influence of too many White Claws - will tell YOU that YOU - the SOBER ONE - are the immature child who needs to handle their relationship problems on your own. Failing to realize how much this damn person snowballs them and causes - I guess they are right, I AM on my own! Fuck Family! Seriously, I don't owe you shit because I"m your son, especially if you refuse to help during a crisis. I don't think anyone has noticed how oddly absent I have been since I gave up on pretty much every part of my family since then. And you know what, nobody has noticed. I just sit in the corner at gatherings, doing my own thing, keeping to myself, and only participating as little as necessary for things to seem anywhere remotely "normal".

It is there you will go through sort of a mini "misanthrope" reintroduction before realizing, what you'll have to do....here's MY solution thoughts to dealing with an alcoholic...

So what has life with alcoholics taught me, a fucking lot - that's what!

First off, it's taught me that all these government interventions, rules, laws, and bullshit don't mean jack shit! You can make McGruff show up at every damn school you want and more likely you're giving kids a guide to the liquor store and the dispensary than you are actually KEEPING them from doing it. Goes to show how the Boomer Generation failed us. Plaster it on a monster truck? Nobody gives a fuck! Wear a safer shirt - haha, fuck that shit, most "stoners" I know are alcoholics or pill poppers (and often thieves that will riddle through your medicine cabinet for your Schedule 4 Medication to get high on). Seriously, do you D.C. idiots have anything better to do than go around sprouting superlatives at the populace to the tune of our tax money and then go home laughing when it does fuck-all for our country. This is why I don't believe in "libtards" anymore, or the "republitards" - as far as I'm concerned, they are both lost.

Nextly, I've learned that all additions are progressive diseases that creep into your house like a thief among your circle of trusted friends at a party, to rape and molest your life like a pedophile would your child in such a scenario. Except there's no national offender list for alcoholics or drug addicts. Like Cancer, they spread, and affect everything around you, but amputating the limb is not enough, and often amputating it just leads to your severed head rolling around town in disdain as a man in the 21st century. So you just have to suffer and live through it - like everything else. Seriously, fuck people and fuck alcohol and drugs. Actually, please don't fuck people, but if you do - use a damn condom, or get your tubes tied or get a vasectomy for fuck sake!

Third-off, there's nothing our healthcare system will do to help these bozos. Involuntarily putting out a 5150 is really hard as a citizen, getting rehab seems more like a posh retreat for rockstars and actors who can afford a trip to Tahiti, Alcoholics Anonymous seems more like the teacher giving out gold stars for sobriety and people just give up on it. Your family won't help because they are either guilty of it or so against it that they refuse to help, your friend's don't give a fuck either. The person literally has to be willing to commit suicide to get any sort of treatment, and when they do, it's behind closed doors, and heaven knows what the hell that person is saying behind those closed doors - their alcoholism might not even be a factor mentioned, when it's possibly the goddamn root cause of it.

And what the hell is AlAnon going to do? Sure, I can vent my shit to people in the audience, but it seems, via most of my web searching, it's just there for people to talk about their alcoholic loved ones and try somehow to tolerate their slow march to the cancer that is alcoholism. In some ways, I don't want a response, it's embarrassing and fucking difficult to deal with this shit on a daily basis now.

And lastly, the reality is this person is going to die, so you'd better got your mourning done EARLY because it's going to be a total shit show when they die. Especially when you still love the person despite their alcoholism. You're going to die too....but you don't worry about it anymore, because you know if you die, you at least won't have to worry about any of this shit anymore. But you can't take your own life, because Suicide is as hard as being alive is.

So the reality is, you're stuck with an alcoholic, and now life is survival mode, 100% of the time, all the time, and that's just how it is. Hopefully either the stress of it will kill you first, giving you mercy, or they will pass away in their sleep someday after you're hopefully well through the mourning phase, because with Alcoholics - they're already dead, they just don't know it yet. The only exceptions I know are people with bank accounts big enough to spend an entire year at Eric Clapton's Crossroads center on their withdrawal medication.