Oscar Wilde

Celebrated playwright Oscar Wilde hid a secret far more astonishing than his homosexual lustings: he was hoplessly addicted to tea. The literary genius and part-time rally driver openly flouted his homosexuality to deflect attention from his tea addiction. Only when he was arrested did the truth finally out. Police stormed his house in Kensington and discovered crates of Darjeeling and Kenya tea in his basement. The living room and kitchen were said to be strewn with used tea bags and police were horrified to discover several tea bags in the freezer. In the bathroom, there were signs of a desperate struggle. Tea was splattered all over the walls and there were deep tea stains on the carpet.

At Her Majesty's leisure, Wilde had to endure inferior tea and only two times daily, one cup in the morning and one before bed. Worse still, he sunk to new depths of depravity as he dabbled with coffee and hot chocolate. He was forced to go �Cold Turkey� and spiralled into deep depression as he fought off the constant craving for tea.

Upon his release, the shamed philanderer fled to Gay Paris where he reverted to his previous tea drinking ways. The more relaxed attitude towards homosexuals and tea addicts in Paris suited Wilde�s lifestyle. During the latter years of his life he enjoyed loose Chai tea, supposedly dusted over the buttocks of naked virgins and placed into a teapot where they were infused with hot water for several minutes. Wilde never took milk with his tea. He believed this compromised the flavour of the tea and called those who took milk with their tea �scum�.

He lived as he died - a genius, a bon viveur and a penniless beggar with a lust for life, leaf and lapsang.