Our Charter
Once he was merely a boy with a big dream kicking around a ball in the Northern Beaches...
But now....
He is a MAN.
A man with a dream in his soul and his hand on his heart, waiting to lead his country to GLORY....
AND WE NEED YOU TO HELP MAKE THAT DREAM COME TRUE!
Our Pledge
As a supporter of Lucas Neill: Mr World Cup 2006 Six Pack Hottie Defender of the Universe, I (name), promise to:
DroolGaze in wonderment at LN:MWC2006SPHDotU at least once every half hour.- Watch every match with LN:MWC2006SPHDotU and be prepared to share with fellow supporters opinions regarding appearance as well as more technical aspects.
- Share with fellow supporters any new developments regarding LN:MWC2006SPHDotU (esp. certain pictures).
- Adopt LN:MWC2006SPHDotU's jersey as your official uniform (any jersey that suits your complexion).
- Work diligently to campaign for LN:MWC2006SPHDotU as the next Captain Socceroo.
- Promote widespread admiration of LN: MWC2006SPHDotU, particularly amongst schoolgirls of all nationalities, creeds and colours.
He is our hottie.
May his defences never fall.
He is, and will forever be, our MAN-OF-THE-MATCH!
Our Beginnings
One day, way, way back in the beginning of June, on an obscure English messageboard...
Winam: Hey, everyone can come out now 'cos the footy's on.
Bellm: Winam, you read my mind!!!
Confession time...
we1402 and I have been infected by a particularly rabid strain of football fever. It’s rather embarrassing and highly unintellectual but... we just can’t help ourselves!
How bad is this fever? Very, very bad. Serious discussions about trouble in East Timor soon degenerate into complaints about Mr Potato-Head’s [aka Wayne Rooney's] annoying broken metatarsal. Genuine worries about nasty new political parties morph into jokes about the Hand Of God. Moral dilemmas, such as whether it’s appropriate to leave climbers to die on Everest, are overtaken by talk of World Cup Beer Wars.
To kick off proceedings (no pun intended) the Oranje (that’s HOLLAND) will be playing Guus’ boys (that’s the SOCCEROOS) in Rotterdam for a "friendly".
I am slightly upset that evil sister [aka. we1402, our Dutch girl who studies in England] refused to fly back home and watch this game! You call yourself a football fan we1402?? You didn’t want to see HOLLAND lose did you?
Yes, that’s right. I predict we will win.
Why?
Because our players are better-looking than your players.
Example 1: Australia’s No.2 Lucas Neill
Clearly HOT.
Example 2: Holland’s No. 10 Ruud van Nistelrooy
Have you ever noticed Ruud’s extraordinary resemblance to this old TV star?
Horse-face is NOT hot.
Therefore... you lose.
We1402: Okay, okay your players may be better looking and making jokes about the "hot" Dutch summer ( Ooch!! ) but may I remind evil twin that this is a football competition and not... a mr. worldcup 2006, mr. sixpack contest or best team in tight shirts contest!
Rudy boy way not be good looking and resembles a certain tv horse but not only is he the Bono of the football players but he is to be found in the Guardian's... best of the best gallerly which has for some I believe unbiased reason a very high portion of English players (what is mr. potato head doing there) but that is right no picture of Lucas Neill (although I wouldn't mind).
Do you think that Lucas Neill is going to be the favourite of local 15 year school girls or will it be Harry?
Bellm: I’m glad you asked this very important question we1402.
I think the German schoolgirls will be screaming for:
A. Mr World Cup 2006 Six-Pack Hottie Pin-up (Lucas Neill).
B. Our Weetbix Kid (Tim "Tiny" Cahill).
C. Harry "Cool" Kewell (now that he’s FINALLY cut his hair and doesn’t have that weird double-ponytail totally fug thingummy on his head).
D. Possibly Mark Milligan, who is the "baby" of the team at age 20 and won’t get off the bench.
But since B. and C. have small kids and wives at home, A. and D. are the safe bets. Unless they’re particularly naughty home-wrecking schoolgirls.
Winam: Is he really available?
Bellm: I've no idea but to the best of my knowledge there are no little mini Mr World Cup 2006 six-Pack Hotties ... yet. You'll have to outrun the hoardes of German schoolgirls though.
Winam: Don't worry mate, experience will win the day - and I have a cunning plan to outfox those German schoolgirls!
We1402: It is good that mr. Hottie is safe in Germany!!
Bellm: I forgot to say that Mr World Cup has been named as one of the Official Hotties of the tournament [by the Belfast Telegraph]. I don't know why they put Ballack on the list though.... shudder.
Winam: Hmm, Mr. Hottie's got some competition! Glad Belfast is taking notice. He's going have to start employing bodyguards soon. First German school girls, now Nth Irish lasses!
Bellm: Those people in Ulster are obviously trying to claim our Mr World Cup based on the well-known "granny rule" !! But they can't, he's ours. HANDS OFF! Just because his ancestors fled the potato famine (or something) that doesn't mean Mr Leg Breaker-Own Goal-Bad Boy-Six Pack isn't a bona fide True Blue Socceroo. And Northern Ireland didn't even qualify - outrageous! It won't be long until the Dutch schoolgirls (and those a little older who really should know better by now!) start chasing after Mr World Cup 2006 hottie.
We1402: Winam that fanclub is screaming to be founded and better be quick before someone else jumps on the mister world cup bandwagon and has the same brilliant idea since he is one of the stud muffins.
Bellm: The Mr World Cup Fanclub must be started immediately!!
And the rest, as they say, is history...
Poetic License
Mr WC's arrival on our fair shores made us so happy that we broke into... er, very bad poetry.
We1402 breaks into song:
Lucas, I know you are very sad
but please take off this hat
For mr. hottie
Whom ain't no thumbsucking Totti
But be glad that I didn't write
Lucas, mate
With this cap no date
Bellm waxes lyrical:
Sorry about the cap.
Aren't timezones crap?
But green 'n gold.
Never gets old.
That Azzurri guy fell.
No time for hair gel.
I think I've got jet lag.
Where's my stupid bag?
Winam makes a heartfelt declaration:
Oh my Lucas, you are dear
My heart beats faster when you're near
Your skill, your poise upon the field
Cause 20 million of hearts to yield
Do not be sad for that penalty
Though other teams lie and cheat
Socceroos stand strong
Socceroos inspire
We will be back in 2010
We'll be ON FIRE!