The Al & BT FAQ
(Disclaimer: All these Q and A's were created by Al and
BT because they are silly losers and couldn't think of a
good story to start on so they procrastinate and post crap)

Q: WHY the hell is Davy always being falled on?
A: Well, its cause he's short, naturally.

Q: What is the shoe face???
A: The shoe face is a long complicated explination indeed. It all started in "Some Like It Lukewarm (The Band Contest) episode, the scene in which Davy was talking about naming his shoes "He" and "She". The face comes about just after he finishes his excuse. (BTW, if you happen to have or know of a pic that exists of this face, GIMME! ~Al)

Q: What the heck's up with BT anyway?
A: Well, she doesn't actually keep her brain in her head - because Al keeps knocking it out. (And anybody insane enough to like Micky that much...I mean, really...GEEZ, you people. Issues issues)

Q: How come there are soooo many stories??
A: Because Al and BT the authors are stupid and don't know how to let a dying dog sleep. No.. a sleeping dog die. No. A dieing dog lie sleeping. Oh foopers, what a stupid question!

Q: How come Al can change stuff in reality, but she doesn't declare world peace or something?
A: Well, she could, but she'd have to turn everyone into shoes - so it would make life a bit complicated...

Q: Why does BT not practice her powers so that she can be as powerful as Al?
A: There are three answers. 1) she's too lazy, B. she forgets, III - she's too hung up on Micky.

Q: If BT is Al's figment, why doesn't she live in Al's mind?
A: Because Al thought it would be more fun to have a roommate. Boy was she ever wrong...

Q: How come the Monkees don't just kick Al and BT out, or make them stay in their own pad?
A: Because Al can make food appear.

Q: Why doesn't Al or someone do SOMETHING about the horror known as BT?! You'd think someone would've shot her by now, or something...
A: Well they did, in fact, shoot her, but she enjoyed it too much. As for Al, why don't you ask her? Her email address is *Bang*... Ahhh Allll I was just having some fuuunnn!

Q: Well if no-one is going to get rid of BT, why not get rid of Micky?
A: Because Davy would only get shorter.

Q: If Al and BT can affect the outside world, because they are figments, then how can the Monkees effect the inside world of Peter's mind, since they are only human?
A: Come on...who COULDN'T control Peter's mind??

Q: How the heck did Al and BT go from simple figments to almost all-powerful goddess type things?
A: Hey, Mike!! Gettaload of this!! How DID we go from figments to all-powerful things?
Well, I dunno, I guess...hey, Micky! Get in here! You know anything about this?
Aw never mind...Davy, Peter?
Ah, hold on a minute...
Okay...we're gonna hold a conference, we'll be back in a minute.

Q: What exactly is IN those baked fish pickle & lasagna...THINGS?!
A: Exactly baked fish, pickles and lasagnas. No Things, but thank you anyway.

Q: Are BT's hamsters real? Or just things she made? Or did Al make them? Why doesn't Al have any pets?
A: Uh.. that's scary. No one knows where they came from. I think they just spontaneously came about. Maybe Peter made them. Who knows. With Peter and BT, the world could be made of socks and trees could eat people for brunch!
As for Al, she has a pet silly! BT of course!

Q: How come Al and BT never realized they could come out before the first story, and how come they didn't realize they didn't need Peter to fall asleep to come out in the first place?
A: And how long did it take YOU to realize you could get out of your person's mind? Hmmmm? It isn't easy, you know. You have to find the thingie and connect it to the swirly dealy, and rewire alll the thingummies and the dinglebobs and oh it just takes hours. You know not the difficulty of the plight of figmentness.

Q: Why don't Al & BT take Davy & Micky & put them in boxes & keep them?
A: Uh.. who told you Al liked Davy Al never said she liked Davy never in a million years I must go and shoot BT now I am sure she blabbled something stupid ......
Ah, yes.. now that that's done.. er... um.. yes yes, BT doesn't keep Micky because Al would never let her keep him as she never does her chores and leaves her CD collection laying about for all to trip upon is why. As for Al.. WHO TOLD YOU?!?!?!

Q: If Al doesn't like Davy why is she always on about all sorts of tushes and stuff?
A: I don't know...perhaps you should talk to Al about that. You know...if you wanted, I could show you some nice little Al Davy rants, they're really quite amusing - not quite as bad as I am about Micky, but pretty awful. Ooooo crap Al's seen me, gotta run *BANG* Ooowwwwwww!!!!! DON'T DO THAT!!! Er...right...

Q: BTW, what IS Al's hang ups with tushes? She seems to mention the word every chance she gets about EVERYONE!
A: Two words: sick puppy. *P-TROING* Ahahaa, I poofed up a bulletproof, me, I never talk about tushes...AL NO NO PUT THE CHAT LOG DOWN NO NO I DIDN'T SAY THAT NOOOOO STOP IT NOWWWW AAOIRUOWGIHW

Q: Er...what did BT mean by all that just now?
A: BT is a weirdo. Al never ever attacked her with anything let alone a chat log or anything. Al is a perfect angel and she has the wings and halo to prove it!

Q: What kind of a lame excuse do you think that is?
A: Its about as lame as me putting this chat log through your face!!

Q: So where do the authors actually write this stuff.. and WHY?!
A: Multiple you think we write this:
o Live from Peoria, Ohio
o From inside Peter's mind
o In a trashcan at the corner of 33rd & Broadway
o In an ICQ log
o All of the above (it is possible).
Why? Because we like you.

Q: Pistachio nuts? Don't you think filberts are funnier?
A: Firstly I dunno what the heck a filbert is and Pistachios are a National Monkee nut thank you very much!
Where do you think "I was just picking up the nuts?" came from? A can of chopped liver?

Q: Why in the heck does Micky put up with BT?
A: Well, there are those of us who like to believe that deep down inside, he likes her a lot...but HEYYYY GIMME BACK THE KEYBOARD!!;OZSGR8THW0=ZA
Hi again. We haven't the faintest idea why. We think it has something to do with the fact that she could probably turn him into a pretzel & then eat him, which he'd rather not have happen. Ask him about it.

Q: Are these stories sanctioned by the Monkees for real?
A: Silly! Of course not, or BT would have been done away with LONG ago. (Although it certainly is fun to contemplate what would happen if one of them stumbled upon the Al & BT chronicles...lawsuits, arguments, all sorts of fun stuff)

Q: What does BT stand for?
A: BT stands for Belligerent Taffy. No, actually it stands for Betty Two. Long story. See, the song "You Can Call Me Al" has both Al and Betty in there see? Purple Lemon said "You can call me Al" to Soggy and so Soggy called her Al and then Al called her BT because there was at the time another Betty and we can't have that now can we? CAN WE?! No! Darn tootin' we can't! So that's that eh!

Q: Okay, so what do foop, boof, etc. mean? You are the ODDEST people...
A: Well, Purple Lemon.. er.. Al likes to make up silly words and "Foop" was already in the vernacular for both Al and BT and then one day Al got pissed at something or other (Man, when is she NOT?) and called something a boof and she liked it and it stuck and that's that.

Q: How come CATS??
A: Kitties are cuuuuuuuuute!!!

Q: How come Al and BT can't type properly?
A: *glances around furtively* Okay...Al isn't here right now...BT happens to think that Micky really truly does like her but ER We don't know, we just suck & can't type anything because we don't know anything because we can't type! We're musicians! So there is nothing you can learn from us!! Er...wait...I burmaed...panicked...I dunno. We can't type because we're too hung up on TUSHES. HAH.

Q: How did Davy's twinklies suddenly become removable, & pocketable & suchlike?
A: Ever since Al saw the Monkee's 30th Anniversary Television Special and they did a big running spoof on Davy's twinklies.

Q: How come in stories BT melts & then suddenly she's unmelted? How does that work?
A: Well, being a weirdo, BT does irrational things. I think she's part cartoon or something, personally.

Q: OOOO Al a cartoon?
A: Yep. She likes to do things with pencils and paper. Like draw. WOW yeh! She likes to draw!
Oh sorry.. that's not exactly what you asked... uh.. nevermind.

Q: How come BT couldn't make Micky permanently in love with her in that story where she stole Al's powers?
A: Oh, she would have!!!!!!!!! But Al would have absolutely killed her.

Q: How many fingers and toes does BT have?
A: She has ten toes, eight fingers, & two thumbs. But for some extremely bizarre reason - she has no spleen. We think this is Al's fault...she forgot to put one in when she thought of BT. Twit.

Q: Does BT pick her nose?
A: Nope.

Q: Does BT pick Micky's nose?
A: Nope.

Q: Why not?
A: It's GROSS. She doinks Micky's nose occasionally, but usually gets thrown across the room, so she's quit doing that.

Q: Did BT's head ever turn into a Balloon and float away?
A: Once...She was trying to inhale helium so her voice would get all squeaky, but she accidentally stuck the tube in her head & she just went floaty-floaty up-up-up, wheeee! Then when Al tried to shoot her she shot the balloon instead, & BT was back to...well, not normal, but whatever you call her.

Q: How come Davy & Mike & Micky don't have figments? Are they ever gonna?
A: Because Peter's the only one who still has childhood fantasy of stupid girls. Though we think Davy might have thought Al up initially and sorta lost her in Peter's mind.

Q: Why is Al so mean to BT?
A: Bt deserves it. One time BT turned Al into a cockroach and if that's not gross enough the way it is, she stepped on her. And once BT shoved helium into Al's head and Al floated away and BT laughed evilly and fixed herself a sandwich. And one time BT almost killed Micky by sitting oh his head for 20 days straight and Al finally had to blow BT's head up like a balloon to get her off and one time BT stepped on Al's foot and another time BT doinked Al's nose with a rake and this other time, BT took ice and threw it on Al when she was sleeping. So thats' why.

Q: Well why the hell is BT such a jerk? BT certainly didn't make BT that way.
A: BT made BT that way because she is insane for Micky and one time she ate a piece of Jello that was on the floor for 6 years so it was probably that.

Q: Geez, why doesn't somebody cure her?
A: Nobody knows what's wrong with her.

Q: If BT's so smart, how come she can't turn Micky into a crocodile?
A: She could - but WHY?! He's so CUUUUUUTE the way he is.

A: I was just wondering that.

Q: You are supposed to have the answers why are you wondering that!?
Q: Hmmm??? Wha, huh? Micky? Where? Where's Micky? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?!
A: That's a question and Micky's over there pigging out.

A: Because Micky will eat anything remotely edible.

Q: Then how come he stays so skinny & Adorable?
A: I think its cause he runs around like a nut. Either that or BT has something to do with it.

Q: Huh?? BT?
A: Yes she probably is keeping him in some weird time warp thing knowing her.

Q: Who told you that?! AL!!! I told you to stay OUT of my roommmmmmm now I have to HARM you!! *Whacks Al to death with Micky tush*
A: I didn't go in your room, you told me the other day when I gave you that baked fish, lasagna and pickle sandwich you were so happy. Anyway, YOU'RE not allowed to post questions here stupid!

Q: *sniff* Alright, YOU do this one. See if I care!!
A: Hey that's not even a question! Anyway, G'night folks! We're closing this down as its weird now. Maybe we'll add more later! Feel free to send your own questions!

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