tuesday - june six, two thousand - 10:42am
always and ever changing..... that's me. this is the new look for awhile. until i grow tired of it and redesign it yet again.
i'm in a bit of a funk today. i think it can be contributed to the horrible dreams i had last night. there were more than one, but the one that sticks out in my mind is:
i was back with randy for some reason, and i was seeing his family all together for the first time since the break up. they were less than welcoming. and the whole time i was looking at randy wondering how i got myself into this situation, and thinking how unhappy i would be if i had to stay with him, and yet, still considering it, because i didn't want to go through all the pain and hurt of splitting up again. yuck.
that's the condensed version anyway. the other one had travis in it. (who know's what's causing all this reminiscing about old flames) we were just getting off a plane, and one person in our party was still exiting the plane, when the front end of it just collapsed forward and he went flying up into the nose of the plane. he was killed... i don't even know who this person was supposed to be, all i know is he was with us. travis and his friend seemed fairly unaffected by the whole ordeal - in fact they just went off and started playing video games. well, i was devastated... and then later at the funeral, the whole family was talking about how his operation had gone awry, and how sad it was. i was the only one who knew the truth... the government had covered up the incident - and it turned out that they covered up a lot of those types of accidents... so the actual plane tradjedies reported to the public were only a small fraction of how many there actually were.
anyway, they both caused all these very real and devastating feelings in me - not much of a restful sleep, i'll tell you that much!
i did have a lovely evening with mary last night. we went shopping and to dinner. we get along really well. i was thinking about it after i got home... how nice it is to have a friend who's got her shit together. most of my other friends are in screwed up relationships, or they're in debt up to their eyeballs. mary's responsible.... it's a nice change of pace.
i told her i'd make her a necklace. she's always complimenting me on mine, so we stopped at the bead store and picked out some that she liked. i'll probably do it tonight while i'm doing laundry at pauls.
today's another nice sunny day.... i'm really glad. i don't think i could handle rainy and dreary today. paul's back at work, so that's a good thing. he's still not 100% back to healthy, but i think his concentration's better.
i still haven't caught anything from him (knock on wood) - maybe i'll be spared from it. here's hoping.
