11MAR00

i guess it's time i actually put an entry or two in this thing...i think i could mess around with the graphics of it forever.

i told paul yesterday that i thought maybe we should break up. i've been going through one of my stupid episodes lately. we've only been dating for 7 months (today actually!!---shit good thing i wrote that!)--and he's never really seen that side of me. i feel bad putting him through it. i get so down on everything about me and my life that i can't imagine anybody wanting to be around me.

anyway-we decided it was a stupid idea (thank god!). instead i'm thinking i might get into some therapy. sometimes i feel like i'd be a totally different person (ie: motivated, energetic, driven...etc) if i were just put on some sort of anti-depressant. the idea of it scares me a little though. who wants to rely on a drug to be happy. plus, i've heard that certain kinds can effect your sex drive. that would suck.

so, i've decided that the first thing i need to do is take up a couple of the interests i've been talkin' about but not doin' anything about for years. this online-journal being one of them...and possibly taking up piano lessons again or getting into a choir. wish me luck!