Testimonies

The most captivating conversion stories, it seems, are of people who led dramatic lives before embracing the Catholic Faith. Those that are especially fascinating are probably of people who were anti-Catholic before they converted.

I was, however, just another normal Singaporean boy before my conversion.

I was born into a Chinese-educated family, and my parents practise what I call �generic Taoism�. They are not staunch, in that they do not go to temples to offer incense to statues of gods and goddesses. All they practise is worship of the �Teen Gong� (Cantonese for �King of Heaven�, literally), the Earth God, and ancestral worship.

I used to practise what they do as they told me to, never giving thought to who I was worshipping and why I did it. I just did as I was told.

It was not until when I was aged 13 or so when a primary school classmate of mine casually mentioned that he converted to Christianity. Specifically, he had joined Protestantism. Over the phone, he taught me the �Sinner�s Prayer� and urged me to recite it. As I felt no harm in finding out more about Christianity, I tried to find a church to attend in the days that followed the casual conversation I had that I never knew would change my entire life. Upon retrospection, I believe that my upbringing played a most significant role in my becoming Christian eventually. When I was an infant, I had a nanny (who later, at my Baptism, became my godmother) to take care of me because both my parents work. She�s very dear to me and her husband (who is now my godfather) loves me a lot too. During Christmas every year, they�d bring me to the parish church they attend (Church of the Blessed Sacrament), located in Commonwealth Drive, to attend the Mass of the Nativity of our Lord, also called �Christ�s Mass�, from where �Christmas� was derived. I loved the Christmas season because of the many gifts and bright lights, the merry singing and the huge feasting.

After that life-changing conversation, I decided to follow my nanny to church. She brought me to the Church of Saint Alphonsus, more popularly known as Novena Church. It was only then when I discovered my nanny, her husband and the rest of their family members are Catholics. When I was little, I only knew they were Christians. �Catholics� and �Protestants� were totally alien words to me.

Together with my nanny and her husband, I attended a Novena Devotion service to Our Lady of Perpetual Succour, which consisted of hymns and prayers. Though it did not fascinate me so much till I dropped on my knees in reverent awe, nor did it leave me in tears of repentance, I kind of liked it; the smells and bells attracted me. What was truly amazing were the many petition and thanksgiving letters people sent in � it let me know how much people really trusted in the power of prayer, how faithful they were even in difficult times, and how God hears and answers prayers in the most miraculous ways.

My nanny then encouraged me to sign up for the Rite of Christian Initiation for Children, which is a course that lasts for a year that prepares catechumens (people preparing for Baptism) by teaching them the Catholic Faith before being baptised into the Church. I signed up for it, and received the Sacrament of Baptism on 11 April 1998. I was named after Saint Kenny (or Canice), the name given to me by my non-Christian parents when I was born.

Frankly, I did not know why I wanted to get baptised. It was true that I felt a love for the Lord and for the Church and I was excited about getting baptised, but I realised I did not really sit down and think what I was embracing, probably because I never really bothered. Soon after, I found Mass boring, and hated waking up so early on a Sunday morning to attend it.

Upon hindsight, I realise that it was freedom I was searching for. I wanted to be free to do whatever I want. In the Church, I felt that I was very tied down and restricted. It seemed that everything I do was sinful; being good was just too hard.

I eventually left the Church and stopped praying altogether. I nevertheless found that I had a desire of pursuing some sort of religion, a creed, some �higher powers�. Together with a friend in secondary school, we decided to dabble a little into witchcraft, voodoo, �ancient Egyptian magick� etc.

It was during this time when I had three dreams of God (or should I say God came to me in dreams?). I remember the first dream vividly, but not the second, nor the third.

In that first dream, I remember I was seated on the floor in total darkness; I could not see anything at all. Then, a very tiny light flickered in the distance, and as it drew nearer and nearer, it grew larger until formed the image of a man. Though it was so glaring I had to shield my eyes from the blazing light, I could identify that it was my Lord. He beckoned very gently to me, �Kenny, Kenny. Come back to Me. I still love you. Come back, come back�� and with that, He slowly drew away.

I did make an attempt to go back to church after the first or second dream, but did not stay for long. I was lost and did not know what to do, and had no idea at all how I should return to the Church and remain there. I had no Catholic friends, and was too ashamed to tell my godparents about my leaving the Church.

After the third dream, I uttered to God in desperation, �God, I wish to go back. But I�m afraid that I will backslide again. I feel so lost�I don�t know what to do� Please, send someone into my life to help me to return to church.�

God, who never fails to hear every single prayer of His littlest and most worthless child, heard and answered me.

I was out one night with a few friends in a shopping centre when we passed by a game store on our way out. They wanted to go in and take a look, while I waited outside of the shopping centre. Then, two persons came up to me, who asked if they could do a survey. I consented. The first question that they posed to me was, �Do you believe in God?� I answered, �Yes�, and deduced that they were doing what the Protestants so-call �street evangelism.� I told them that I�m Catholic, but they invited me to their church anyway. I hesitated, but gave in anyway and paid their church a visit.

There, I experienced the Charismatic way of worship for the first time. I thought it was impressive, and grew fond of it, though I needed some time to get accustomed to this contemporary lively sort of worship. I was very attracted by the style and music, and even considered converting because I thought I might be able to lead a more fruitful Christian life in that church. A few questions stopped me though: where�s Mary? What role does she play in their theology? Why is there no Mass? Why are there no statues of the Saints? Whatever I was familiar with in the Church was missing in theirs. I began to feel more and more uncomfortable. I just did not feel I could belong in a place like that. It felt cold and empty, like a shell. It just did not contain the reverential atmosphere that I find in Catholic churches.

This led me to research more deeply into the Faith I had been baptised into. I went on the Internet to search for Catholic teachings, beginning with the most controversial figure, Mary the Mother of Jesus Christ. The more I read, the more interested and curious I was. Mariology (the branch of theology dealing with Mary) led me to research into other branches of theology such as Ecclesiology, Christology etc. I began to devour apologetics and totally threw myself into Catholic Theology and Philosophy. My passion for the Faith grew and the fire of faith was ignited and burned strongly. The roller-coaster ride had just begun.

It was also during this time that I learnt the Commandments were not given to bind us, but to free us. The way I understand it, God has stated down what ought not to be done, not simply because it was offensive to Him, but because it will only cause ourselves harm, and ultimately spiritual death. By knowing what one should not do and what one ought to do, one is free to do whatever he wants to fulfil the responsibility to lead a Christian life. In this way, man is no longer slave to sin, but granted the way to true freedom to live whatever way he chooses. In the words of Our Lord Himself, �You shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall make you free.� (John 8:32)

This was, ironically, one of the most hurting moments in my life � I was very torn between the Catholic Faith and the church that I was invited to join. It was also this point of time when I decided to sign up for the Rite of Christian Initiation for Youth so I can receive my Sacrament of Confirmation.

The most exciting journey in my life continued anyway, and the more I read, the more I was convinced that the Catholic Faith is the Faith that I should remain in, because of the sound dogmas rooted deep and firm in Scriptures, the historical documentation for its authenticity and antiquity, as well as for the fact that I learnt it was not any mere man, but God the Son, Jesus Christ Himself, was the One who established the Catholic Church (Matthew 16:18). I saw the importance of unity, holiness, catholicity (meaning �universal�), and apostolicity (meaning that it is traceable back to the Apostles; the current reigning Pope, His Holiness John Paul II, is the 264th Successor of St Peter, the first Pope) in the Church. As confessed by every Catholic every Sunday in the Nicene Creed formulated by the Church in AD 381, �We believe in One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.�

The fatal blow to Protestantism for me is that there are over 32000 denominations (or schisms) in Protestantism. Each claims to be true and inspired by the Holy Spirit, while undeniably they teach contradictory doctrines. The Protestant arguments of sola Scriptura and sola fide (Latin for �Scriptures alone� and �faith alone� respectively) were self-destructive. These two pillars on which Protestantism was built and leaned on crumbled. What�s worse, I personally know some Protestants themselves who don�t believe in either.

On the other hand, whatever the Catholic Church taught and still teaches today is in total and perfect harmony with the Bible and Tradition (2 Thessalonians 2:15, 3:6 etc.) that have been passed on to us from the ages of old. I gave my intellectual assent to the Catholic Faith, �the Faith once handed down to the Saints� (Jude 3), founded by Our Lord in AD 30. One of the most important issues I studied was the issue of authority, because I know from Scriptures that Our Lord has entrusted authority to the Apostles. They in turn handed that authority down to their successors. These successors then handed down the Faith in all its purity to their successors, and carried it on till this very day. That the early Church Fathers believed in the authority of the Papacy is most succinctly expressed in Saint Augustine�s (who is one of the two patron Saints I am named after when I received my Sacrament of Confirmation.) Sermon 131, �Rome has spoken, the matter is closed.� (Rome is often used to refer to the Papacy, since the Papacy is situated in Rome.) And another quote from Saint Augustine: �I would not believe in the Gospel except as moved by the authority of the Catholic Church.� (Against the Epistle of Manichaeus [Contra Epistolam Manichaei Quam Vacant Fundamenti.] A.D. 397) Saint Augustine lived from 354 to 430.

Truly, in the words of Saint Ignatius of Antioch, who was martyred in AD 110, �Where Jesus Christ is, there is the Catholic Church.� St Ignatius is the other Saint I am named after during my Confirmation. Tradition tells that he was the same little child whom Christ placed in the midst of the disciples when He said, "Unless you become as little children..."

Giving the Church both my intellectual and spiritual assent, I returned to Catholicism. The sweetest time of my life had now come, for I am (once again?) �caught in Peter�s net�.

It was not long that I begun thinking about other religions such as Buddhism, Islam and Taoism etc. I did not doubt the veracity of the Faith that I have returned to. Rather, I wondered in what ways they are different from Christianity, and what makes Catholicism unique amongst all world religions. I compared Catholicism to other religions to find out what makes my Faith unique, just so I may be able to share this Pearl of Great Price with others when the opportunity arises (1 Peter 3:15).

A seminarian whose conversion story I read observed that Buddhism, like its complex parent Hinduism, offered very intriguing philosophy. During a period of time, I personally was very attracted to Buddhism, but it did not last long since it could not offer a satisfactory answer as to the creation of the world. He put it most succinctly: The Buddhist system of reincarnation was also inapt in explaining suffering as well as the existence of good and evil.

He observed that Islam is rather similar to Christianity in that Islam believes in an Almighty God, but also noticed that Islam presented a fatal flaw in its theology. He pointed out that the Islamic God is so transcendent that he is actually limited; this God cannot be personally involved with his creation and needs a hierarchy of intermediary beings. This system is not alien to gnosticism.

Taoism is polytheistic, and polytheism is self-destructive. If �God� is infinitely almighty and above all things, how can there be another one who is as almighty? One would rule out the other. In the words of Saint Athanasius, �To speak of several equally powerful gods is to speak of several equally powerless gods.�

Whatever doubts I had about the Faith vanished; I fully believe in the Church and in God. I then received my Sacrament of Confirmation on 14 April 2001.

I learnt that the Wholeness and Fullness of Faith and Truth reside in the Catholic Church alone. Nothing is going to change that fact. Insofar that it is possible to be proud of a religion that teaches humility, I profess my Faith with utmost pride, my life, my soul, my all. �God forbid that I should glory, except in the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ; by whom the world is crucified to me, and I to the world.� (Galatians 6:14.)

Looking back, I�m grateful beyond words to God for leading me through those tough times. My entire life has changed because of Him, whom I so affectionately call �Father� everytime I say a prayer. I am where I am now only with His grace. Verily, I now know the Truth, and the Truth has set me free (John 8:32).

�One thing I ask, this alone I seek: to dwell in the House of the Lord all my days.� � Psalm 27:4.

Deo gratias � thanks be to God.

In Christ Crucified,
Kenny