Chapter 12 - Dragonlust

Summer, 36th Turn of the Present Pass

B'lee found no solution to his problems in the ensuing days, but managed to suppress any thought about them with dedication to caring for Margroth and in fighting Thread. They had a busy period ahead of them, with three Threadfalls in as many days, over different parts of the continent, and that left him little time to brood or to worry.

Unfortunately, exhaustion had little effect on his nocturnal adventures, and he continued to dream about D'min. Now that he knew who it was, the dreams became, if possible, even more vivid. He could just about smell and taste D'min when his dream-lover kissed him, and as for the rest ... well, the decision to sleep without sheets at all was entirely justified, as skin was a lot easier to wash than cloth.

He spent hours trying to work out what it all meant. Was he was falling in love, or did he just want to bed his friend? And while he had a feeling that D'min wouldn't object either way, he wondered if the increased intimacy would somehow ruin their friendship. He didn't dare mention it - at least not until he'd worked out on his own what it was that he wanted - but it made him a little more accepting of D'min's absent-minded caresses. He found himself searching for D'min if he wasn't close by, watching him eat or talk, and listening for the sound of him getting ready in the mornings. During Threadfall or practice, one part of his brain was constantly monitoring where D'min was and what he was doing. He couldn't bear the thought that his friend might get hurt, and redoubled his efforts to clear every Thread from the sky whenever they were up with the Wings.

His efforts gained him (and Margroth) the respect of the Wing and a reputation for fierce determination, which did him no harm in the eyes of the lower caverns girls. Finally, they were interested, and started to seek him out to offer him klah, or berry juice, or to entice him to walk along the darker corridors. Ironically, he barely gave them a passing look in return - all his thoughts were set on how to let D'min know about his change in attitude without committing himself to some emotional idiocy like saying he was in love, which he wasn't. He really wasn't. At least ... he didn't think he was.

* * *

Under the circumstances, it was more than a little embarrassing to find himself suddenly the object of hero-worship from one of the two new weyrlings who had moved into the adjacent weyrs.

B'lee had never thought of himself as anything special. He had become used to compliments on his voice and gitar-playing, and acknowledged them with grace, but anything more personal that that he found difficult to accept. When H'tan asked his advice one day about the best way to prepare for between he was flattered, but took little notice of it, telling the boy what he thought the best method was. When H'tan approached him again the following week, he wondered if there was a little more to it, and made a mental note to ask D'min's opinion at some stage. Dom always knew the gossip.

That evening, he was sitting with D'min and a couple of others from 4 Wing in the dining hall. Now that they ate at the second sitting there was no need to hurry away from the tables, and if he wasn't playing himself, he would sit there for some hours, chatting with the other riders in the wing, discussing tactics or music or the latest weyr gossip.

It was S'been who had spotted it, having seen the boy ask B'lee some further questions outside the hall, and he started to tease B'lee on his new admirer. It took a while for B'lee to work out what S'been was talking about, but when he realised, he couldn't stop himself from blushing.

"It's not like that," he tried to say, feeling his face getting redder and redder. "Of course he's going to ask someone who lives in the next weyr. I'm new enough that I can remember how difficult it was to learn everything, and I'm not as frightening as F'neldril. I don't see that there's anything strange in that."

"B'lee, honestly!" exclaimed S'been. "Not when he looks at you like Banth looks at a wherry! He wants your arse, my friend."

"More like his dick," said M'ken, a green rider who had made it plain that he wouldn't object to a few nights with B'lee, if B'lee should ever change his mind about that silly liking-only-girls attitude.

B'lee blushed even more, and tried to laugh it off. "It's not that. He's just young. Though I'll admit that he is very pretty."

"He's changing!" shouted M'ken. "B'lee thinks a boy is pretty!"

"So that's what you were talking about the other day, was it?" said S'been, teasingly, and B'lee was horrified to see the others clamouring for details. S'been obliged them. "B'lee wanted to know how I knew when I started liking green riders. I didn't realise he had a particular green rider in mind!"

"No! It's not like that! Honest!" cried B'lee, despairingly, but no one listened to him. Everyone laughed at and joked, but eventually the talk moved onto other subjects, and the awkwardness passed.

All the same, B'lee felt acutely uncomfortable at the thought that M'ken and the others believed that he liked H'tan in that way. He made a vow to himself not to encourage the lad, and to maintain a proper distance whenever he had to talk to him.

It was hardly a consolation that at least they hadn't guessed the true object of his warped affections. His pre-occupation with D'min was still safely a secret.

Luckily for his peace of mind, he didn't see the expression on D'min's face.

* * *

If D'min had been sexually adventurous before that conversation, after it he became downright predatory. His liaison with G'lin had gone the way of all the others (they had parted amicably after having explored most of the coital variations known to man), and he was actively pursuing new partners. There was a desperation to D'min's activities now, though, as if he were using novelty to fend off something else. He never stayed with any rider more than a week or two - not enough to give anyone the idea that he might be settling into a partnership, and not enough to really get to know them. He flirted with anyone and everyone (including a couple of rather horrified bronze riders), and refused to take anything seriously.

Bad as that was, B'lee could have coped with it - it was, after all, merely a difference in degree rather than in kind. D'min's attitude to B'lee, on the other hand, underwent a profound and disconcerting change. Whereas before D'min had sought his company, now he avoided it. Before they had laughed and joked most of the day; now they barely spoke. Even when they were forced to collaborate for Wing activities, D'min kept his eyes veiled and his voice light and impersonal.

B'lee was hurt by D'min's change in behaviour. He couldn't help but see the irony - that D'min had turned away from him at precisely the moment B'lee realised he might want D'min - but he told himself that he had to forget that, or at least keep it out of sight. He mustn't let anyone, least of all D'min, know about the change in his feelings, especially now.

He tried, once or twice, to find out what was plaguing him, but the green rider was uncharacteristically silent on the subject. Even when B'lee cornered him in the corridor one morning, when it was obvious he was returning from an all-night tryst, he refused to respond to questions that only a few weeks ago he would have been eager to answer.

"I'm sorry, said B'lee, knowing that he'd hurt D'min somehow and wanting to put it right if he could. "I just care about you. I wanted to know where you'd been."

D'min winced, and said, "None of your business."

"Sorry."

D'min slumped against the wall, as if whatever burden he was bearing was too heavy for him. "I didn't mean to snap at you," he said.

B'lee accepted the half-apology with a sad smile. "I just worry about you sometimes. I know you never stay with anyone for very long, but lately it seems like you're never with the same man twice."

D'min gave him an odd look. "If I can't have the one I really want, I'll take anyone I can get."

"The one you really want? Who's that?"

D'min shook his head and pursed his mouth, obviously angry that he'd said that much. "It doesn't matter."

"But- "

"I said, it doesn't matter. Now just leave me alone." He brushed past and entered his weyr, leaving B'lee to stand and watch him, bemused and rather anxious. The D'min of a year ago - six months ago, even - would have laughed at the idea that he couldn't have anyone he wanted; this D'min stated it flatly. It was so far out of character that B'lee felt seriously worried.

Still, at least he had a little more information than he'd had before. It was clear to him that D'min had fallen in love, and that the object of his affections didn't love him back. Well, B'lee could understand that feeling. He'd been on the painful end of that several times in his life, and there was nothing worse than the feeling of being unwanted. At least D'min had Aurieth, and he had his friends around him, so he wasn't completely alone. And if D'min couldn't have the one he wanted, well B'lee would make sure that he had at least one friend he could go to at anytime, someone he could rely on more than a casual partner.

He'd just have to make sure he was there when D'min needed a friend.

* * *

This time, when D'min started snarling at everyone over his lunch-time klah, everyone recognised that Aurieth was proddy. They had experienced the effects several times since entering the fighting wings, and with so many greens around, it was a rare Thread-free day that there wasn't at least one proddy rider in the Weyr.

B'lee wondered who would fly her. There were gathers at Igen and Tillek that day, and many of the unattached blues and browns were on ferry duty, leaving few available. He would have liked to have gone to one of the gathers himself, but the Weyrleader had made it plain that only those who had duties there were to attend, and B'lee had to admit that several hundred dragons and their riders would be a lot for any Hold to accommodate.

He sighed. He wished that uncomfortable feeling between his shoulder blades would go away. He'd had another dream about D'min last night, and briefly, he wondered if perhaps Aurieth's impending proddiness had triggered it.

That might explain last night, he told himself, but what about the night before? Or the one before that? He was deluding himself if he thought that his feelings for D'min were purely dragon-related. He was so caught up in his obsession that he couldn't recall the last night when he hadn't dreamed of D'min.

"Are you coming, B'lee?" called S'been, startling him out of his thoughts.

"Where to?"

"D'min's sending Aurieth up Ruatha way. We thought we'd send up a dozen blues and browns to fly her - give her a chance to stretch her wings a little."

"That sounds reasonable."

S'been stood with his hands on his hips and looked at B'lee somewhat exasperatedly. "Are you sending Margroth?"

"What?" he squeaked. "Well, that is ... I hadn't really thought about it."

"Did you ask Margroth?"

"No. At least, not yet."

"Well, go on then. Is he interested or not?"

Margroth, he called, do you want to go to Ruatha and join the dragons seeking to fly Aurieth?

Margroth considered the prospect for a minute. She's pretty, he said.

She's very pretty. But do you want to fly her?

Do you want me to fly her?

I - I don't know.

You like her rider.

I know, but that doesn't mean you have to go.

There was a pause as Margroth considered the question. Eventually he gave the mental equivalent of a nod, and said, Yes, I want to go to Ruatha.

Fine. B'lee swallowed. I'll be with the others then. Have a good flight.

I intend to, said the blue as he took off from the weyr ledge. B'lee followed with his mind's eye and then turned to the others, who were heading for their small part of the Weyr.

"Margroth's going to Ruatha," he said to S'been.

"Excellent! Now let's go and get some essential supplies." He guffawed at B'lee's expression. "Wine, B'lee, I'm only talking about wine and food."

"Oh. All right then."

Having sent their dragons away, the riders were forced to climb the steps, and it was a fairly breathless group that convened in D'min's weyr. Luckily B'lee and S'been joined them only a few minutes later with wineskins slung over their shoulders and netted bags full of bread and cheese.

"Oh, brilliant!" exclaimed G'lin, grabbing the wineskins and pouring out a gobletful. "Always helps."

B'lee eyed him with some mistrust, wondering if perhaps he was the one who had broken D'min's heart. Or maybe he was trying to rekindle their relationship. Either way, B'lee wished he'd been elsewhere that afternoon,

He looked around at the riders who thought they had a chance. "Where's B'nik?" he asked. "I thought Hidrith was joining them at Ruatha."

"He is, but B'nik went to his own weyr with Taralla. He doesn't want to run the risk of pouncing on D'min should Hidrith fly Aurieth."

"So what would D'min do, then?"

G'lin grinned. "Oh, I'm sure that one of us will be able to help him out."

Several of them laughed, and B'lee looked at D'min to see how he was taking it all. He appeared to be quite relaxed - well, as relaxed as any rider with a proddy dragon could be - and took a goblet of wine from S'been with a warm smile and a lingering touch of fingers.

Perversely, B'lee felt annoyed. He knew that D'min distributed his favours far and wide, but he didn't do a lot of flirting right in front of B'lee's face. To see him smiling so warmly at the other rider made him feel ... made him feel ... well, he didn't like it.

D'min should only smile that way at him.

D'min should ...

It took several second for him to realise what he had just said. It didn't matter that the words had been silent, heard only by himself - he was appalled.

He didn't have the right to be jealous of D'min, or of D'min's lovers. Hadn't he told his friend, over and over, that he wasn't interested? How could he possibly object to D'min sleeping with other men when he had turned him down? And yet ... the thought of anyone else taking D'min to bed - dragonlust or not - made him feel angry and miserable.

He groaned in despair. He didn't see any way that this could turn out well. Maybe he should just leave now, call Margroth back and hide somewhere at the other end of the Weyr for the rest of the day.

S'been handed him a goblet of wine, and he downed it in one long swallow.

"Don't have too much of that," teased S'been. "You don't want to be too drunk to manage things if Margroth's the lucky dragon! And if he isn't, you'll want some left to drown your sorrows."

B'lee growled, deep in his throat. He didn't want to think of anyone beating Margroth. He didn't want to think of being left out in the cold while D'min took someone else to bed.

He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. It was ridiculous, he told himself. Why was he feeling this way? Why was he thinking these thoughts? He couldn't possibly be jealous of D'min's partners, could he? If he was jealous, that could only mean that he felt more for D'min than he had so far been prepared to admit. Only lovers got jealous ...

After another goblet of wine, he felt a little calmer, and began to think that he might get out of this with his dignity intact, if not his self-esteem. All he had to do was control himself long enough to leave quietly once Aurieth had made her choice and not try to rip out the throat of whichever blue rider was the lucky man. He could do that. Possibly.

Aurieth had blooded two wherries and was flying as high and fast as she could, with the blues and browns trailing behind. It wasn't as important for a green to fly high and long - there were no eggs to be gained, after all - but most greens enjoyed the chase as much as the mating that followed, and Aurieth appeared to be no exception.

He took a deep breath and told himself to relax.

Why did I come here? he asked himself. This is such a stupid thing to do.

Yes, it was, but it was also the only chance he might ever have of finding out if D'min could kiss as well as the man in his dreams; if he would feel as good in his arms. And best of all, even if he did take D'min to bed, he didn't have to give himself away. No matter how good it might be - if it happened at all - he could explain it away on dragonlust. D'min need never know that B'lee was dreaming about him, need never know that only two days ago he'd caught himself picturing D'min as he stroked himself.

He closed his eyes, and immediately was caught up in Margroth's pursuit. Aurieth had a good turn of speed and was leading the blues and browns a merry chase. She took a look over her shoulder at them, and B'lee could have sworn that she smirked to see them falling behind. Margroth harrumphed, and B'lee felt the blue's determination.

B'lee glared hatred at the others in the room, not sure if the emotion was his own or Margroth's. It didn't really matter. His wonderful blue dragon had decided to fly Aurieth and win, and that suited B'lee just fine.

Though Margroth wasn't the biggest dragon in pursuit, he had the advantage of knowing Aurieth very well indeed. They had grown up together, trained together and fought Thread together. He knew every move she made, every trick she had in her repertoire. He knew he had no chance of outlasting the browns, but he could outwit them - and Aurieth herself - to gain the prize. He put on a turn of speed and veered left. As he had expected, Aurieth dodged left and he descended suddenly, catching her with all four limbs and hanging on tight as she tried to fight him off.

B'lee knew that Margroth had won Aurieth when he found himself in D'min's arms, and to his surprise it felt marvellous. D'min was kissing him fiercely, and he responded, opening his mouth and letting D'min probe with his tongue - and B'lee gasped as it triggered another wave of desire. How could something so simple as a tongue do this to him? The kisses he'd imagined from his dream-lover hadn't been anything like this. He was overwhelmed by the smell and taste and feel of D'min so close to him.

His knees felt weak, and he was vaguely grateful for the hands that pushed him in the direction of the bed. They fell into it, and D'min was even better lying down, his weight pressing B'lee into the sleeping furs, aligning their very rigid cocks and thrusting against him.

They didn't even notice the others leaving.

After a few minutes, during which he came closer to sticking his tongue down D'min's throat than he would have imagined possible, B'lee realised that while all this grinding was good, but it wasn't quite right. It wasn't how it was supposed to be. He had to mate with D'min - he had to be inside him, to penetrate him even as Margroth was penetrating Aurieth. He scrabbled to undo D'min's breeches and his own, and rolled them over so he was the one on top. His hands went between D'min's legs to open them wide.

"Salve!" gasped D'min.

B'lee stared at him before the word started to make sense. Of course, he needed salve to make sure that his thrusts didn't hurt. He looked frantically around the bed, knowing that D'min would have the jar somewhere very handy - like the small alcove at the head of the bed. He grabbed it and dipped a finger inside to scoop out some of the sweet-smelling grease. He quickly rubbed it over his cock, biting his lip at the wave of sensation, and was about to thrust in when D'min stopped him. "In me," he grunted."

"What?"

"In me. You have to put the salve inside me. Don't need much but I can't take you dry."

B'lee's brain really wasn't working properly, and he shook his head trying to work out what D'min actually wanted but failing. He held the jar out to D'min and said, "Show me."

D'min took the jar and B'lee's right hand, and gestured for him to take up some more salve. Then he guided B'lee's hand between his legs, until his fingertips touched the small opening, and B'lee suddenly realised - "You want it inside there?"

"Yes," D'min moaned, as B'lee pushed in. "More, deeper," he demanded, and B'lee ventured further in, rolling his hand around so as to coat the surface inside. D'min thought that was wonderful, and said so.

"Now?" he asked, pulling his hand out and lining himself up once more.

"Yes, now," breathed D'min, lifting his hips.

B'lee pushed in, and nearly screamed at the sensation. D'min was so tight, so hot inside, so wonderful in every way, that he almost came at that moment. From the look of it, D'min was pretty close himself. The expression on his face was fierce, possessive, and exultant. It was overwhelming. B'lee could smell the musk from both of them, heady and strong and intoxicating, and he leaned forward as far as he could.

"No, lean back, push up," moaned D'min.

B'lee did his best but it was an awkward angle, and he was afraid he wasn't doing it right. Then D'min lifted his hips and suddenly B'lee felt something hard and D'min yelled "Yes! There! Don't stop!"

B'lee started thrusting, his own desire mirroring Margroth's, and felt his climax building inside him. He didn't want this to end, but he couldn't help it - it exploded out of him and he yelled as he came. D'min was yelling too, and pulling on his cock, and B'lee opened his eyes in time to see D'min's face as he came, and he wanted to come again himself because it was so beautiful.

He remained there for a minute, then pulled out and collapsed down on the bed beside D'min. But if B'lee had thought that dragonlust could be sated by one climax, he was wrong - he was still hard, and almost ready to go again. He had barely caught his breath when D'min started kissing him again, and it was just as good this time - slower, more exploratory, more gentle. He couldn't help but respond, and opened himself to D'min completely.

It was beyond good. Where the last coupling had been frantic and urgent, this time was slow and sensuous. D'min's hand roamed freely over B'lee's body, touching areas he had never dreamed would be so responsive. He shivered whenever a particularly sensitive spot was brushed, and moaned when D'min started to kiss a fiery path down the side of his neck. He wanted more, and said so. D'min smiled and kissed him again, his tongue swirling and dipping into B'lee's mouth, making him dizzy and helpless.

Being with a girl had never been like this, B'lee was sure. He'd never felt so willing or so wanton with any of them. Whatever D'min was doing to him, it was better than anything he'd had before, and he wanted it to last forever. He whispered it into D'min's ear, and felt him shiver. Then he was shivering as D'min kissed and caressed and licked and touched every inch of his body.

At some point, his eyes had closed, which was stupid, because D'min had pulled away, and he wanted to see what D'min was doing. When he opened them and saw D'min slowly impaling himself on his cock, he couldn't stop the whimper that escaped him. The expression on D'min's face was transcendent, as if this was the best moment he'd ever had in his entire life. B'lee couldn't argue with that, not when he felt about to explode with love and lust combined.

He groaned as D'min settled onto him and leaned back. D'min rose and fell and B'lee was whimpering again as his cock was squeezed almost painfully tightly. He put his hands up to D'min's hips, and then to his cock, and was rewarded by a catch in D'min's breathing and a look of such intensity that it almost had him coming there and then. And how could he ever have thought that sex with a girl was good, when it hadn't been nearly as intense as this? It was nothing - the merest shadow compared with what he was feeling now, with D'min.

He fought to hold on, so that D'min would come first - he had some vague idea that it was only fair, since he'd come first the last time - but it was no use. The sight and smell and pure sensation of D'min riding him was too much, and he gave a cry and arched up as he came, shooting deep into D'min's body.

He lay there, breathless and panting, for a few moments as he gathered his wits. When he opened his eyes he saw D'min staring down at him, and he realised that he ought to help him, at least. He reached out and took hold of D'min's cock, giving it a couple of long slow strokes.

"Faster," ordered D'min, and B'lee complied, watching D'min start to rise and fall again. He saw D'min give several small gasps as he approached his climax, followed by an almost-convulsive movement as he came, spilling over B'lee's hand and stomach. Then he collapsed, exhausted, on top of him, and B'lee put his arms around him to pull him to one side. D'min didn't seem to care about the mess - in fact he didn't even open his eyes, but he did snuggle up against B'lee's chest and mutter something indistinct before falling asleep.

B'lee lay awake for a few more minutes himself. He'd held girls this way once or twice, and it had been nice, but holding D'min was very different. His body was harder - leaner and less squishy - but it moulded around B'lee's as if it had been made for it. The slight scratching of D'min's chest hair against his ribs was strange, too, but not repulsive. There was nothing about D'min that was repulsive.

He smiled to himself as he ran a hand up and down D'min's back, hearing the slight sounds that his lover made in response. His last thought, as he drifted off, was that D'min was going to be impossible to live with now, having finally converted him to the homo side of life.

* * *

B'lee woke in the middle of the night to relieve himself. On his return, there was just enough light from the glows to see D'min's face - peaceful and serene, as it never was when he was awake. B'lee looked down at it for some minutes, wondering just how it was that he had never seen the love in D'min's face before. The boy was beyond beautiful, even with his ridiculous ears and his crooked jaw. He was everything to B'lee now - and if he was truthful with himself, D'min had been everything to him from the very first day he had set foot in the Weyr. How had he not seen it? How had he not felt it? He'd been blind and stupid, that was how. He'd been so set on proving himself "normal" that he'd wasted two years chasing girls when he could have been kissing D'min.

He smiled. Kissing D'min had been a revelation. He'd never known it to be so exhilarating, so breathtaking, in every sense of the world. It was something he wanted to feel again and again, in as many ways as possible.

He paused by the bedside, wondering if he should get back into bed with his friend, or if he should return to his own weyr. He wasn't sure of the proper customs. He really ought to have paid more attention when the others talked about it, instead of trying to ignore them. How was one supposed to act in the morning? The last time Aurieth had risen, D'min and K'lon had just smiled and gone their separate ways the morning after. Maybe that was what he ought to do - what D'min was expecting him to do. He certainly wouldn't be expecting B'lee to make a declaration of love.

Perhaps he ought to delay that a day or so ... after all, D'min might think he was still under the influence of dragonlust and wine. How could he explain that the dragons' mating had merely opened the door to something that had been there for a long time already? Would D'min believe him? Or would he think that B'lee was just being sentimental? Would he think that B'lee was making fun of him?

Now he really thought about it, it would be better to let things settle down first, and then he could invite D'min into his weyr and they'd drink some wine and he could explain what had been happening to him over the last few months. That would be much better than waking up with the both of them horribly embarrassed.

D'min stirred and his arm extended to the place where B'lee had lain. Finding cool linens where a warm body ought to be, he stilled, and then rolled over towards the wall and curled up tight.

Well, that decided that. B'lee turned and went back to his own bed and lay awake on the cold sheets.

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