Star Wars Episode III:
Revenge of the Sith
I'll be bluntly honest, here. I sat through the entire thing, and I barely remember any of it. My review will therefore consist of vague ramblings and mockingly sparse outlines of the scenes I recall.
As the film opens, Anakin and Obi Wan are attempting to rescue Palpatine from General Grevious, a coughing half-robotic insane vulture-like monstrosity that nobody in their right mind would work for. This is why his entire force is composed of robots, presumably.
Oh, well. There are lasers, explosions, a lightsaber battle, Count Dooku is killed and Palpatine is 'rescued'. I don't know why this entire opening part was needed, except to show off yet more special effects that we're all bored of by now.
Throughout the film, Hayden Christensen assures the audience that he can act with almost as much emotion as a man afflicted with rigor mortis, or even Keanu Reeves. To be fair to him, though, none of the other actors are much better. I think Yoda gave the most convincing performance, and he's a green rubber puppet.
With regard to believability, Anakin is persuaded to join the Dark Side with almost casual ease. I think the scene goes something like this:
ANAKIN: I will never join the Dark Side!
PALPATINE: Ooh, go on. You know you want to.
ANAKIN: I am no match for your cunning arguments, my master.
So one minute, Anakin is vaguely tormented by doubt because he had a bad dream, and the next minute he's slaughtering children. Am I the only one who thinks this could have done with just a teensy bit more development? And all to the constant drone of the familiar Star Wars background music.
I would like to say a quick word about the music, actually. What the Hell were they thinking? Duel of the Fates was fresh and new in Episode One. It grated a little by Episode Two. Now at Episode Three I'm thinking 'For God's sake, John, compose something new, you bastard'.
Oh, and the quad-lightsaber thing with General Grievous. I can just see the meeting that came up with that one.
GEORGE: Now, who has ideas about the fight with General Grievous? We want something original.
IDEA PERSON: Ooh, I know. How about Obi Wan battles the environment itself! General Grievous could wire himself up to the security systems and force Obi Wan to outwit a devastating array of lasers and traps.
GEORGE: Great idea! I never would have thought of adding another lightsaber or two!
IDEA PERSON: But I-
GEORGE: No buts!
The scene with Palpatine taking control of the Senate by popular vote was also amazingly funny. I think it went like this, though my mind might be playing tricks on me:
PALPATINE: The sound reproduction on this loudspeaker system is so bad, I can say anything I want and you will continue to applaud me!
SENATE: Hurrah! [Applause]
PALPATINE: I may have the body of a deformed and twisted old lizard, but I have the mind of an evil madman!
SENATE: Hurrah! [Applause]
PALPATINE: Are none of you wondering why I am dressed in the robes of a Sith Lord and have a lightsaber on my belt, as was the style at the time?
After Anakin had landed on Mordor or wherever it was, given into the power of the Dark Side and been defeated by Obi Wan, It felt like all the plot continuity was jammed into the last five minutes. "Yeah, wipe the droid's memory, put these babies in the right places. Anakin, put on the helmet. Yoda, go off wherever it is you're going. Okay, people, let's wrap it up!"
Honestly, Episode III was better than I'd expected. But remember, this isn't hard. In fact, it just scrapes by as a slightly below average average sci-fi film, mainly thanks to the scenes with the Jedi being killed. I'm not being sadistic; that seemed to be the only decently dramatic moment in the entire movie.
So, on a scale of one to ten, I rate Star Wars Episode III: forced
And I bet that pun's been used before.