Alexa had been sitting in the same curled up position on the sofa for hours. Darkness had come without her even noticing, so now she sat there, with the phone in her hand, in the dark. There'd been a message from AJ when she'd gotten home, and she'd nearly called him back right then. She'd even dialed the numbers. But she'd hung up before the phone rang. She'd spent the rest of the time making up pro and con lists about calling him. The problem was, every time the lists ended up equal. She laid her head back against the arm of the sofa, and sighed. Why was she doing this?

She'd closed her eyes for a minute, when the phone rang, making her jump. She stared at it, as if she didn't realize what it was for a moment and then picked it up as the second ring began. "Hello?" Somehow she knew instinctively who it was going to be.

"Alexa," His voice gave her shivers. She'd always had that reaction to it. "We need to talk."

Alexa nodded, and then realized he couldn't see her. "We do." She heard him sigh, and then light a cigarette. Another bad habit. But at least it was one she could deal with. There was a lengthy silence.

"I don't know what to say. I'm sorry for everything, �Lexa."

Alexa could tell by his voice that he actually was sorry. But whether an apology was enough for her was something she needed to consider. "I know you're sorry." She thought for a minute, and when he hadn't said anything she went on. "I don't think sorry's enough, Alex. You can't expect me to just stick around while you have your little binges and flings, and lie about them, and then welcome you back with open arms. I need somebody I can trust. And that means honesty. I can deal with a lot of things; you've got this really weird life, that I will probably never really understand, and I can deal with that. I can overlook some stuff, but I can't deal with being lied to. This whole situation is why I fought so hard against this from the start. I didn't want this to happen." She heard the emotion become prominent in her voice. She hadn't meant to say so much. She'd wanted to hear his explanation, without the bias of her expectations.

"God, Alexa, if I could just make this all go away."

"What would you do? If you could make it all go away, what then?" She bit her lip for an instant, and then plunged ahead. "You'd probably just go and make the same stupid mistakes again, Alex. That's exactly what you'd do. It's part of who you are." She hadn't intended to say anything. But she'd seen it before; guys who swore they'd change, and they never did. She'd had friends who had gotten caught in relationships like that, and she'd sworn that it would never happen to her. But it had.

"It doesn't really matter, does it? I can't make it all go away, and you won't forget. I wanted to tell you about Amanda. I intended to, but you made everything so difficult, I knew it would just be something else you'd use to push me away. Everything else, it's just ... stupid. I know better. I just don't stop. There's nothing else I can say about it." He knew he couldn't explain it away, so why keep talking. It was a rare moment when he knew more words were not better.

There was a pause while Alexa tried to figure out what she was supposed to say now. Absolutely nothing came to mind, so she sat, saying nothing, listening to his breathing over the phone.

It was a long moment before he said anything. "Alexa, is there anything I can say, anything I can do? Or is that just it? Because I don't want it to end like this."

Alexa sighed, "I don't know."

"Can we start all over again?"

"I'm not going to just forget and move on." She knew that if she could see him, the look in his eyes would have made her give in. She wondered if she should be thankful that they were talking on the phone.

"So, don't. Let me earn you back. I can't let you go, �Lexa."

Alexa sat, silent, chewing her lip, knowing that she didn't want this to be the end. She just didn't know what to do. "Alexa?" AJ's voice interrupting her thoughts was impatient, and strained. She didn't mean to make this harder, but she couldn't rush her decision, either.

"AJ, I ..." As soon as she started to speak, all the words she'd wanted to use left her.

"Alexa, please." She closed her eyes tightly, shutting out everything except the sound of his voice. She knew Taylor had been right. She'd wanted to talk to him, see him even. She knew she was setting herself up for it to happen again, but she just couldn't fight.

"Okay," the whispered word almost seemed like a sigh. AJ let out a breath as if he'd been holding it while he waited for her response. "We can try again. But we start as friends. That way there's no pressure, no commitment..." She wanted to add no disappointment, but she stopped.

"Alexa, I promise..."

"Don't." He stopped at her interruption. "Don't make promises, Alex, because you know, and I know, that you can't guarantee anything."

"Okay," his tone was resigned. He knew what she said was true. "I plan on changing that."

"I hope you can." And she did, for both their sakes.

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