I always thought that if either Backstreet or *NSync broke up would still be able to rely on the other group for entertainment while I 'grieved' for the other. I never thought that *NSync would fill the gap that the loss of Backstreet would leave, but at least there would be something there. And well, if Backstreet remained and *NSync was gone, it might be easier but not a lot.

Now I find that both groups are going through the same tumultuous issues at the same time which makes it very hard for me to ignore those issues. Instead, I wrote this (or these, actually). They are each only one side of one of the stories, and I'm sure there are a lot of details to which I'm not privy, but this was therapeutic for me with what I knew, or thought I knew.

The fact that one of these stories seems to end on a more positive note than the other is not an indication of my feelings on anything. It just happened that way. But each of them can be switched to apply to either group, with a minor adjustment of details. Nick could be replaced with Justin, or perhaps Lance more appropriately, and become an *NSync story. JC could be replaced with AJ and become Backstreet. And I'll say again, this is just what I think I know. It's not all fact, and it's obviously not the whole truth because no one knows that except the ten men involved.

So, without further ado, here is....

Maybe Not Never.

Nick was taking his time trudging to the far end of the hallway, where his future waited. Or hot his future. Where four men who he had called brothers, four of his closest friends waited for him, so they could make a decision. What that decision would be, he didn't know.

The last few months had been so good, and so bad to him all at the same time, and he rarely knew whether he should be happy or sad. He wanted to be happy. His solo stuff was going well, and while the album may not break any records, or win any awards, it was fun, and he felt successful, doing what he wanted to do, the way he wanted to do it.

But the happiness came at a price, it seemed. The family that had surrounded him, that he'd relied on for ten years was crumbling. And not only did he not know what to do to stop it, but from all reports it seemed as though he was the reason for it.

They'd told him how they felt when he'd told them about the solo project. But he'd assumed that a couple of the opinions would change. That eventually they'd realize that he wasn't doing anything to betray them as a group, but that he had to do this, before he lost himself. And by the time he'd realized that they weren't changing, it was too late to stop. Too late to back down. And he didn't really want to anyway, because this was what he wanted, right now.

He'd understood the initial reactions; the whole solo thing had kind of slid in under the radar a bit, and he had to admit that he'd have felt the same way if the tables were turned. But it had still hurt that they couldn't be happy for him. He'd shown happiness when first Kevin, then Brian, and now AJ had announced marriage, despite the uncertainty it caused them as a group. And now Brian with a baby, that would definitely affect things. But he'd offered sincere congratulations, happy that his friend was getting one more thing that he wanted.

And then Brian voices issues on a radio interview with apparently no concern for how things would spread. And AJ, telling fans details of things that should have stayed between them. While all this time, he'd been trying so hard to reassure everybody, everywhere that everything was just fine. But maybe all along he'd been trying to reassure himself. Because he wanted to go back to the way it had been, didn't he? Wanted to go back to sharing the spotlight, being one of five, after being on his own for a while. Even though he kept saying that he'd enjoyed doing what he wanted instead of compromising to the group. That Now or Never was more the real him than anything else he'd ever done.

But he did still want to be part of the group, right? Because they were part of him, part of everything he did. They were his brothers. They'd been through so much over the years, so many things that should have knocked them out as a group long before now. How could they let it happen now?

Nick ran his hand over his hair, taking a deep breath. It had come to this. He never thought he'd have to choose between his happiness, and his friends'. Because he'd always assumed they'd be one and the same. Somehow, something, somewhere in the world had changed on him. And decisions had to be made.

He glanced up with a sigh, an old picture of the five of them capturing his attention. He ran his hand over the edge of the frame. He'd said they'd be together until they died. That they'd never break up.

His hand shook slightly as he reached for the doorknob, and he took another breath.

Maybe not never.

JC flinched as the shrillness of the ringing telephone cut into his focus. He didn't answer it, knowing it was only going to be someone he didn't want to talk to. There were actually very few people he wanted to talk to right now. And about the same number who wanted to talk to him. And none of those two groups seemed to overlap. The four people with whom he used to share everything, who used to know everything about him, were the least likely to be at the other end of that ringing phone.

It wouldn't be Lance who was so caught up in the drama of trying to go to space that he didn't realize how much of a sideshow it had become. JC didn't begrudge him his dream, but the longer it took Lance to achieve it, the less chance there would be a group for him to return to. He'd gone to visit Lance, because he'd wanted to understand exactly what the space stuff was all about. He did now. But even while he stood in front of Lance, smiling, wishing him the best of luck, inside he was cringing. He couldn't help but see that Lance had never been so happy with the group. The space thing was bigger than them all. Even as a group.

JC glanced at a nearby clock. It wouldn't be Joey. He was on stage, doing an amazing job in Rent. He was carving himself a fabulous acting career between movies and stage. JC was impressed. Joe was the only one who really seemed to have thought about what he was going to do when the group was no more. And he'd done what he needed to do to ensure that.

It could have been Chris, but who the hell knew what he'd been doing anyway. First he owned a clothing company that went under, and got sued. He went on an RV trip across the country. He hosted Miss USA (or whatever it was, some pageant) and did a spot for CBS news. Not a bit of consistency or planning there. There was also no reason for Chris to call.

And it couldn't be Justin. He was self-centered enough to believe that JC was angry with Jive because he was jealous of what the backing they were giving Justin. It wasn't an issue of jealousy, it was an issue of fairness. Justin wasn't the star in *NSync. Or he wasn't supposed to be. It was supposed to be five equal members. But then that had been thrown to the wayside years ago. Maybe even before they'd signed with Jive. Joey and Chris had always gotten a bum ride, and Lance, well, he'd tried to hold his own for a while, but it was always about Justin. Justin and the Timberlakes. Featuring JC. And JC really didn't mind, because it left him free to do more of the writing and producing that he enjoyed anyway. But, when it came time to consider a solo project, and Jive decided they'd back Justin, and no one else... JC guessed they should have seen that coming, the way Justin was always touted as the lead singer.

The phone stopped ringing, and JC focused back on the music in front of him. It had to be good. Damn good. As much as he didn't want to compete with Justin, he did want to prove to Jive, and to himself, that he didn't need anyone else to be successful. That he could do it on his own. His way. And do it well.

And if that required making a break from what had become comfortable over the past few years then so be it. He'd try something new, and give 110 percent of everything he had. And he'd never look back.

He reached for a new sheet of paper, uncovering a notebook underneath. The cover read "*NSync: Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now." He picked it up slowly, flipping through the dog-eared pages, carefully looking at the fan photos of their first major tour.

Well.... Maybe not never.

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