| Reality... or life as observed by me |
| May 13, 2004 12:09 am Have you ever noticed that as soon as the temperature hits 80 farenheit, the rednecks begin to pop up out of nowhere, especially with no shirt on? I can understand if maybe you're in the "lawn maintenance" profession or something, but dear lord man, put a shirt on before you hop in your truck. Especially if you're hairy and over 25. No one wants to see it. ANd then there are those people's wives. As soon as the red pickup truck with the Confederate "Rebel" Flag swerves into the driveway, these women swarm the truck and their hands caress the very hairy, sweaty chests of their husbands. I think the hairy chest thing was a big deal in the 80's, when it was considered sexy or something. But last I checked the 80's ended, well, January 1st, 1990, which by my reckoning was over 14 years ago. One would think that 14 years would be more than enough time to get over the hairy chest fetish thing. But apparently not. But what's really terrible is the way those men think they're hot stuff. They swagger up to the front screen door that doubles as a fly trap and announce, "Woman, I'm home." As if their wives were busily preparing a wholesome dinner for "their man" and were happily expecting their mullet bearing, race car shades wearing bastard of a husband. And no doubt, the very next move on the husband's part will be to sit in his luxurious lounge chair that he picked up off the corner. He probably scoped out that chair for a whole hour when it first arrived on the street curb outside that condemned trailer, eyeing the best way to put it in his cargo bed and estimating the time left before the dump truck would come. And as soon as he sets (because in southern ohio, no one sits, everyone "sets down") in his chair, his "woman" sporting, light blue tapered jeans with holes in the knees, will come with his beverage of choice: a 40 oz bottle of whatever beer was on sale at the corner gas station. And you may sit there wondering how a cultured person such as myself would have so much contact with such fine folk. Well, it could have something to do with the fact that, oh, well, I live next door to such a fine specimen of Ohio redneckage, and dear me, there's another one across the street, and one next door to him. Oh, and often I have gone to the store and found many a parking spot is filled with red Ford pickup trucks with Rebel flags in the back window. So a warning, if you ever feel so-inclined to stop by and say hi to me in fair Dayton, Ohio, do not look at who's next to you at the stop light....it may be traumatizing. Your Redneck Reporter, Patty |
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| The average Daytonian at age 5. Please help the children by donating to the StoptheMulletsFund. Mullets are a terrible disease, mostly put upon unsuspecting children of Redneck parents who, yes, drive a red Ford pickup with a Rebel Flag in the windwhield and a fan bolted to the dashboard as air conditioning. Most children have no idea what a tragedy their disease is, so please help spread Mullet Awareness now. |
| For more Mullet Mania... please visit www.ratemymullet.com |
| May 14, 2004 12:05 am Has anyone noticed how for the past week, all of my entries have been nearly at the same time? Is this another testimony to how humans are creatures of habit, or only a mere coincidence? Or is all that too deep for summer? Strangely though, and honestly, every summer I feel a strong inclination to spend my time in some scholarly pursuit. Perhaps this comes from four years of forced summer readings during high school years, or maybe its just in my nature. I'm not sure. This year though, I am pursuing all of that completely independently of school. I am reading those books my friends recommended, and finding them actually interesting...which is bizarre seeing how 2 of the 3 are NON fiction. ouch, perhaps that was a testimony as to my true inner-geekyness. Oh well, geekiness is better than redneckage...whatever keeps me from going off and buying a red ford pickup and gettin my haircut any time soon... Sorry, no anecdotes to tell this time. Except for my recent re-discovery of hot British men...aka Pierce Brosnan and Hugh Grant. holy fuck. two men of that caliber should not be allowed to reside in the same country...let alone the same continent. but anyway, life in dayton trudges on..until this weekend at least, when it will race across the country to the Jersey coast...haha...hell yea. Road Trip Tyler House style is upon us... Anyway, take care guys. Love ya'll. Patty |