Boiled Live Lobster
A very cruel recipe.
1 LIVE Lobster
2 gallons of Water
2 Tablespoons of Salt
Boil the water in a large (3 or 4 gallon) vat, with the burner on HIGH. Once the water starts to boil, add the 2 tablespoons of salt, and allow the water to heat for at least 15 more minutes. Why use such a large vat? Even though you are only boiling only 2 gallons of water, it will have tendency to swell up with foam, once the live lobster is plopped in (just like spaghetti does).
Boil the lobster for a time period of EXACTLY 8 MINUTES PER POUND; no more or no less, for good reasons: If you under-cook it, you have sushi. If you over-cook it, you have twine. If you have more than ONE lobster, then cook them one at a time and listen to "Abbey Road" while waiting for the second one to cook.
The reason for the SALT is to increase the temperature of the hot water. WATER by itself can only boil at 210 degrees (F), while SALT WATER can go much higher. After adding the salt, the water will cease to boil, but is still near the 210-degree (F) mark, and will climb to a higher temperature and re-boil with time.
The reason to RAISE the temperature (with salt water) is purely for humanitarian reasons... since you are cooking a LIVE lobster, it is best to kill it INSTANTLY with the hotter temperature, sparing the poor thing from an agonizing extra few seconds of death.
And finally, the reason to cook the lobster ALIVE is to avoid food poisoning. All shellfish have a tendency to take revenge and toxicate themselves quickly, unless immediately frozen once dead. If you DO decide to cook a dead lobster, do NOT eat it if it smells like AMMONIA.
Contrary to most beliefs, lobsters are loaded with the 'good' colesterol (HDL).
You may get a little upset when boiling an fellow animal alive, so here are some thoughts to ease your mind:
- The lobster is a relative of the exo-skeletal FLY. How many flies did you swat today?
- The lobster's pea-sized brain is not capable of experiencing the degree of pain that any mammals does.
- Have you ever watched a lion eat a zebra alive on TV, while the narrartor vows never to interfere? Boiling a lobster alive is NOTHING compared to that morbid display of carnage!
- A more humane way to kill the lobster would be to sever its brain stem, but that requires the skilled hand of a surgeon. If you miss the critical point by even a fraction of an inch, you will cause more trauma to the lobster as opposed to just boiling the thing alive.
- It is already in the grocery store. If you don't kill it, someone else will. At least you know how to do it the right way.