According to Simon and Shuster's Guide to Dogs, a dog ages...
| Dog Years | Human Years |
| 6 mo. | 5 yrs. |
| 12 mo. | 14 yrs. |
| 18 mo. | 20 yrs. |
| 2 yrs. | 24 yrs. |
| 3 yrs. | 30 yrs. |
| 4 yrs. | 36 yrs. |
| 5 yrs. | 40 yrs. |
| 6 yrs. | 42 yrs. |
| 7 yrs. | 49 yrs. |
| 8 yrs. | 56 yrs. |
| 9 yrs. | 63 yrs. |
| 10 yrs. | 69 yrs. |
| 11 yrs. | 71 yrs. |
| 12 yrs. | 75 yrs. |
| 13 yrs. | 80 yrs. |
| 14 yrs. | 84 yrs. |
| 15 yrs. | 87 yrs. |
| 16 yrs. | 89 yrs. |
The old adage was to simply multiply by 7. You can see that this works well for a middle-aged dog (dead-on between the ages of 6 and 9), but miserably fails at either end of the scale; the years we really care (or worry) about.
A more accurate system would be; "Multiply by 6, then Add 6". This may seem somewhat odd, as the dog is instantly 6 years old at birth, but makes more sense afterwards. A dog usually crosses the finish line at 13. With the old rule, that interprets to 91; while the newer rule brings the age to 85, which is much closer to the actual "80" listed on the chart.
However, the next is the best (but not easiest) formula to follow:
You will be accurate within 2 or 3 years most of the time, and always within 5 years guaranteed (Unless the dog surpasses 16 Earth revolutions around the Sun).
Of course, you would have already figured this out while calculating the linear regression data on your handy-dandy TI-85. Note: if the dog is exactly 2 years old, you can use either formula and return with the same result... 24 years!
Before you begin, you must realise that most dining room plates usually have a gaudy design along the rim. So from now on, we will refer to plates as Ugly Circles, as silly as that sounds.
Now for the simple rule:
place the Fork to left of the Ugly Circle, with the Knife followed by the Spoon to the right.
the end.
The napkin can go anywhere; but normally ends up underneath the fork. Also, make sure that the sharp edge of the knife is always facing the "Ugly Circle".