Life at Cuyahoga Falls

Remember that statistic, "90% of car accidents occur within a 10-mile radius of the home"? It should be changed to: "90% of car accidents occur within a 10-mile radius of CUYAHOGA FALLS, whether you live there or not". There's a bar on every block, and for every bar there's a church across the street... this can only lead to the formula of disaster.

It's not a bad place to live; the people are sort-of nice here and kind-of friendly, until they GET INSIDE THEIR CARS. Then it's total mayhem, especially with any member of the Mothers-Against-Drunk-Drivers association; those @$$holes drive worse than the [email protected]#%ed drunks! Repeat: MADD's are the worst; as they beleive that the little red flag mounted on their antennae grants them the special immunity to exclude them from the laws of common traffic. Double-yellow lines and speed limits are merely suggestions. As far as red lights or "SOTP" signs are concerned, well, they're just options.

Most of the residents are usually very cautious about speed bumps, however. They're careful not to let the cops hear that loud clattering of empty beer cans resonating from the back seat of their big ol' pick-up trucks/vans! The worst intersection is the 5-way stop at Bailey Road and Lincoln. After living here for 12 years, I finally figured out the "unofficial rules" for this particular spot:

  1. If you are coming from Bailey Road , IGNORE the stop sign completely.
  2. No matter HOW many cars are already posted at their stop signs, you only have to yield to ONE.
  3. If you are coming from Erie Street, you must wait until your stop sign turns GREEN.

I can't believe the people around here cannot count to five. Oh well, life must be treating me pretty good if this is my only problem. Unfortunately, I have to cross this intersection anytime I want to purchase a case of my favorite recreational beverage. My advice: the next time you buy a big ol' pick-up truck, drive something that you can PARK without knocking down 9 or 10 garbage cans while dinging 12 or 13 other cars, or bashing into a guard rail without strewing every shopping cart onto the lot.


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