well its been tough for me.. the whole denial thing helped though.
This morning I had to get out of the house cause my father was going to come over and help fix the tub.. and I can never hide anything from him, and I didn't want him to worry about me.. So I went to the mall to pick up my ring which I went to have fixed.. and my feet took me into the pet store... I kept telling myself it was stupid to do it, but poof, there I was..

See.. when we got Jub originally, she had a mate.. but Ollie got a hold of him on day two, we went back to the store where g got them, but there were no more, and the attendant didn't believe me when i told him how small she was... So I though Id never find them again..

But low and behold, when I went into the petstore, there was one happily running around a cage.. who looked EXACTLY like jubby.. I got all teary, but didn't break down.. seemed like it was destined.. so I asked about her, and apparently she was the mother of SEVEN little duplicates of jubby.. they were all so absolutely adorable.. I had errands to run, so I thanked the attendant and left.. I finished my errands, and I was in an absolute tizzy.. it felt so right and so totally wrong to get a new one.. so I came home.. and talked it over with g.. and we decided to go out and get one.

We went to Panera for lunch.. MAN the mall was PACKED.. took 10 minutes just to get to Panera.. and then when we were done there another 10 find a spot to park at (cause seriously.. there wasn't a SINGLE place to park).. I was thinking maybe it wasn't meant to be.. but then poof... we got a second row spot.. Got into the pet store, and the guy thought the cage was empty.. but they were all hiding.. :) So.. I got two.. Haven't named them.. cause they look exactly the same.. Ive also put them inside my entertainment center.. I have two glass enclosed areas.. they are SOOO cute there..

I still feel horrid about jubbie.. but they do make it easier..
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 10:01 PM

she's gone..
g came and took her back to the vet
I feel so selfish for not trying harder.. for giving up..

*goes off and cries*
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 11:52 AM

Jub is still alive.. looking for sunflower seeds.. :) but I think its time.. At first I thought I was selfish for keeping her alive, then I thought I was selfish for wanting to end this and not giving jubbie a chance.. I mean if she's still alive after three days.. that has to account for something doesn't it? but when I was cutting sunflower seeds out of the shells for jubbie, then put them in her cage, I noticed it smelled very badly. I actually decided to use the web, and found

Rectal Prolapse � The rectum will be protruding out of the anus and will appear as a reddish mass following a bowel movement or/and straining whilst trying to have a bowel movement. You may see a little blood around the anus; the hamster may even chew at the Prolapse and cause a haemorrhage, which is very dangerous to the hamster.

It is very important that the mass is placed back inside the rectum as soon as possible to avoid infection; it is advisable that you obtain Veterinary guidance without delay in this situation to avoid additional complications and of course to prevent further suffering and to save the life of your hamster.

No idea what the first blood came from.. but this definatley looks like what she has now.. Probably could jump through all the hoops and put her through hell and get her well again, but she's over a year old, and the size of two cotton balls.. how much longer would she have anyway?

Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 8:44 AM

*wimper*
jub's still alive, but once again there was a ton of blood on the tissue..
it smells like urine..
she also has a big blood clot between her back legs..

I feel so selfish for not having put her down yesterday.. but I was sooo sure she'd get right over this..

*bites lip and cries*
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 6:24 PM

Yup.. still alive.. :)
but yup.. still sleeping..

For some good news.. G is about to get a raise that will pretty much cover the loss of my salery..
For some bad news.. I have a job interview on monday.. its data entry.. I only applied so I would have something to put on my unemployment thingy..
oh well.. interview experience is always a good thing.. & I think with the lay offs at LL Bean, chances that they actually give me the job are kinda slim
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 3:30 PM

well.. jubbie is STILL alive.. but she's still hurting badly..
Last night I was so afraid to go see her, thinking she hadn't made it..
she was still alive, but she had started passing more blood.. :(
so we moved her into the bedroom for the night.. then again I was soooo afraid to look in the cage this morning, but she was actually awake and moving around. She actually went to the side opening and scrapped at it a little.. which is something she used to do with a passion each time I came into the room where she was. She found a food pellet, and was taking a few bites off it. I put some more water in the mashed carrots, but those were 'NO GOOD" :) so I took that out of the cage and put in plain water.. which she ignored.. and when she fell into it when tottering around, she was quite ticked off.. which worries me. I put another whole carrot.. well whole baby carrot in the cage with her, and she picked that up (which was ever so cute) and started nibbling on it.. I pulled the sunflower seeds out of the cage, and found she had tried to open them, but had given up. so I broke into those and put the seeds in the cage near her, but by that time she'd fallen back asleep.

she had bled again over night, so I replaced her tissue.. (she likes cuddling in bath tissue) and she's sleeping again. I covered her cage so it would be dark for her..I think the light is bothering her eyes.. (which btw.. I got to see this morning for a little while) I keep thinking that she wont make it.. she now has very little balance.. even washing her face she almost falls over..

Ive been watching a lot of animal planet on TV.. This morning I watched 'a pet story' about a woman who rescues bunnies.. (i love bunnies, but sadly I am kinda allergic to them.. ok.. so Im VERY allergic to them.. which means my bunny doesn't get much attention.. but he likes it that way) Now im watching 'that's my baby' and watching a pig give birth. newborn pigs are cute once they are cleaned off.. but MAN I think I could have lived my whole life with out watching a pig give birth..
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 10:50 AM

well.. jubbie is still alive.. (the hamster, incase your not following my little drama here)
her eyes have sunkin back in.. After the saline injection, she seemed to be able to open them.. but now they're fused shut again..
Got some carrots for her.. those interested her.. but she didn't eat them.. I opened up one of the sunflower seeds, and hand fed that to her, (her favorite food) and she took it, but she might have just stuck it in her pouch.. So i cooked a couple of the carrots in some water and mashed them, to make it easier for her, and so that she could get some more water.. but those really didn't interest her.. well they did.. but not enough to eat them..

*breaks down and sobs*
I don't think she'll make it through the night..
I am soooooo anti social right now.. forgive me if Im distant..

but hey.. I gave myself a project this afternoon.. and poof.. I now have a webcam page, and ive put that image on this page.. :) If you want the url to the actual webcam page, just let me know :)
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 6:55 PM

Im 30 years old.. im an adult.. I can handle this.. Im 30, im an adult, I can handle this.. im 30, im an adult, i can handle this.. (convinced yet?)
I got so nautious at the vet I almost passed out..
Jubbie's eyes are fine.. but she's bleeding out her rectum.. and its a fair amount.. so she's dehydrated and anemic..
the vet talked about putting her down.. but I brought her home and Im hoping for the best..
The vet gave her some saline to help with the dehydration, and she does look a bit better, but when I put her back in her clean cage, she just flomped down.. it was so heart breaking..
I put some food in there.. her favorites.. she sniffed at them, but they are still where I left them..
I am an absolute mess.

apparently I have a very strong inner child..
and her heart is breaking
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 2:31 PM

----------- Oregon man's wallet ends up in Japan -----------

CORVALLIS, Ore. - Jason Powell figured he would never see his
wallet again. Imagine his surprise when the wallet showed up
in the mail, sent all the way from Japan. Powell lost the
wallet in the fields at the Oregon grass farm where he works.
Apparently the wallet was picked up in combine, baled along
with the straw and exported to Japan. A Japanese farmer found
the wallet and returned it, complete with the six bucks inside,
credit cards and Powell's driver's license. Powell says he was
"shocked."

from http://www.bizarrenews.com/3.html
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 10:36 AM

and now for the weird..

to waste time between my breakdown and my trip to the vet, I thought Id poke around a few recently updated blogs.. I found painted-turtle.com which had a post that was refering to The View from the Cube which incase you didn't know, is linked to yours truely..

*weak smile* <- would be bigger except for the whole break down thing going on here..
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 10:20 AM

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH*

___________________
*excuse me while I have a major mental break down.. I went to clean out my hamster's cage and noticed that she is most likely missing an eyeball.. she's a dwarf albino hamster with red eyes.. and for the past few days one of them seemed to be having issues.. while starting to clean out her cage, I noticed she is now keeping that eye closed, and there is blood at the bottom of her sleeping area.. Ive called the vet and I have an appointment at 12:40.. and I think im going to go throw up now..

the really weird thing is, I had a really horrid time getting to sleep last night.. when I finally did get to bed, I woke up about an hour later absolutely paniced about her. I thought ollie might have gotten to her.. but the door to the room where she is kept was closed.. so I just went back to bed..

Is it 12:40 yet?
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 10:15 AM

I just finished reading a very powerful book.. "Dear Stranger, Dearest Friend" by Laney Katz Becker. I picked it up this morning, and didn't put it down till I was done.. I was crying like a fool through out it, and also laughing like a fool. I love books that move me like that. Im going to have to update my book page and include this on it..

Now Im watching Eddie Izzard; Dressed to Kill, that was on HBO.. I love this guy.. he's a tad on the crass side, but he's such a riot.. and laughing is always good for the soul..
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 3:13 PM

I forgot to mention the funny moment of the day for Sunday..

the boy got sick and tired of being told to be quiet, so he decided he wanted to take a bath.. So he went and took a bath.. Nana had gotten him some of those sponge animals in caplettes.. and he wanted to use them, and he wanted to take them home, he was in a tizzy about it.. kept asking for just one more.. till there were two left, which he told nana to give to mommie (supposedly for safe keeping from him) 10 or 20 minutes later Nana got him out of the tub and wrapped a towel around him. the boy then trounced into the living room with the towel.. I asked him if he was naked under that towel.. he smiled brightly and said uh hun! and then flashed me.. :) Little kids can be ever so cute..
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 5:03 PM

ok.. lets see.. Ive been active lately.. *looks at last entry* ok.. I last posted on the first.. which was friday..
Saturday I went down to Connecticut with my parents to take my dad to Ruth's Chris Steak House *someone please tell me what a chris steak house is.. * cause frankly it is the best steak I have had ever. Its expensive, but it is worth it.. if you get the chance to go to one, I HIGHLY recommend it.. We left home at 10am, and got down there ~ 1pm. Unfortunately they only do dinner.. aka they don't open till five.. so we went to wendy's and had a small lunch then went to the Mark Twain house I am normally not into going to a house just because someone owned it, but this house was beautiful (I love architecture) Sadly there were only about two items in the entire house that actually belonged to Twain, because he moved out of the house and it went through several owners before it was bought and restored to be preserved. One thing that amazed me about the house was how short the railings were.. when walking up the stairs.. they came to about my knee. The other thing was the fire place in the enterance.. it had a split flue.. so there was a window directly above it.. It kept freaking my brain out because I kept thinking it was a mirror, and when people would walk by I was mentally trying to make it happen in the room I was in. We ended the tour by going through the gift shop. In doing so we ran into sam and livy.. cause it was their anniversery.. it was weird.. We did a little poking around in the shop, and my father found some kitten pins, and bought me one.. wasn't that ever so sweet.. I so love my dad..

We then went to the Christmas Tree Shops to waste a little more time.. we had about 90 minutes to kill.. I bought some balsamic vinegar, some jelly, and a few little trinkets.. I do like the Christmas Tree Shops..

We then went to eat.. we had called at 1 to get reservations and got them. We got there at 5:02 according to the clock in the car, and the place was pretty much half full..by the time we ordered, it was totally full... they were hopping.. we all had the filet.. we also had some potatoes and some asparagus, and some broccoli au grautin.. the asparagus was large, but surprisingly it wasn't all fiberous.. I have no idea how they did that. The waitress warned us like five times about how hot the plates were going to be.. it was quite funny. Also, when the food was delievered, they kept giving me the wrong plate.. I think just about everyone's order ended up in front of me lol. We had one piece of chocolate sin cake split between the four of us when we were done.. it was like fudge.. nothing 'cakey' about it. but it was good. On the three hour drive home, I stuck some tapes in the tape player.. we were in my parents car, so it was my parents music.. which of course my mother HAD to sing along to.. *did I mention my mother CAN"T sing??.. I mean totally tone deaf*

Coming home, I got car sick.. or maybe I just got sick sick.. I apparently have to be VERY careful about how much food I eat.. every time I have a little too much, I end up with stomach pains.. I suppose this is a good thing.. but when I forget, it isn't pretty. All sunday morning I was cold and achy.. which I don't think had anything to do with anything.. just fighting off something. Went back over to my parents house at three for the game.. g wanted to go at 1.. I dawdled as long as possible.. I had sooo had enough of my mother the day before.. I sat around reading while dad and g and m (my brother in law) talked about the patriots chances, and then about the surround sound system my father got for himself for his birthday.. Then my mother and sister came home from shopping with the boy.. (my newphew who's four) I was able to ditch the shopping trip.. We eat, played with the boy, and eat till the game started, then we ate, watched the game, told the boy to be quiet, and ate.. lol..

I actually gave up interest in the game after the half time show.. every time I watched, it seemed they were all just standing around on the feild.. while in the middle of a play. Seemed no one could get out of their own way.. it was annoying. the fourth quarter wasnt much better, but at least it had a little action to it. Everyone at the house was quite pleased when the pats won.. except me.. cause I was annoyed that everyone was so pleased.. like they had ANYTHING to do with it.. just one more reason why Im morally opposed to professional sports..

This morning I took a two hour shower. See I didn't use connditioner on Sat cause I wanted my hair to smell like freesia.. I was out of my freesia connditioner, and I was going for a theme smell.. (just go with it) Anyway.. the cold and the walking, and the taking of the jacket on and off with the lack of conditioner, made my hair a small rats nest.. no.. wait.. make that a large rats nest.. I think it was three inches shorter because of it. I used the last of my deep conditioning treatment on it, and it was all soaked in with in 10 seconds.. and asking for more.I thought the physique shampoo that I use would be enough to untangle it all after that, but it wasn't.. so I had to use some more conditioner.. and FINALLY I was able to run my fingers through my hair.. *rolls eyes*
ok.. im sure that was totally not entertaining for you to read.. um.. sorry. ;)

well its now time to send off my obligatory 3 resumes for the week.. *off to read the classifieds*

Btw.. if anyone knows of a good place to buy a pool table in New England.. can ya let me know?
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 4:14 PM