There has been a phrase running around in my head for the past couple of days.. yea.. its childish, but its so totally appropriate for something going on in my life that its funny.. "I'm rubber and your glue"..

Ok.. why is this appropriate? Many moons ago.. I left a group I had hung out with on the internet for over a year.. I loved the group, but the people in charge had a very hard time dealing with questions and comments about how things were being managed. I'm not talking the general reaction to questions and comments, I'm talking out and out 'you shall not question my authoritia!' (ok so I can't quote Kenny very well.. but you get the point) I was in a position that I felt I should question it.. so I stepped down from that position and tried to continue along with the group and ignore the issues that I had issue with. Well as time went on, the personal slights and insults toward me grew and grew to a point where I felt I had to leave. So I did. I left quietly.. just kinda disappeared. Well that didn't go over too well with a few friends I had made with the group, so I formed a new group. I never wanted to compete with the original, since I did have a great respect for it as a whole. A few other members of the original group who had also taken issues with things, came over to mine (yea.. this is going to be hard to follow. just go with it)

Well things got ugly.. the mudslinging by those who had left wasn't doing anyone any good. I am a true believer in venting, but group venting can quickly turn into a mob scene.. So I requested that we not talk about it any more. It didn't help that one of the members of the first group - that was one of the major reasons I left in the first place - joined my group to 'monitor' it and made a few comments on the situation. but.. I figured that how she felt wasn't my problem any more, if she wanted to waste her energy on something that didn't concern her, I wasn't going to let it bother me. Well the group that was venting still wanted to vent, so they went off and formed a private board so they couldn't be "monitored". I mean seriously.. no one likes that.. In trying to comfort a friend, things were said and done that were taken out of context and brought back to the original group. So now I am probably the biggest outcast over there. I have heard things from people about things that were said and done as a result. Now granted, I can understand to a point... However it all happened on a private board and all posts were public knowledge and was not said in a way to cause harm or malice. But it doesn't matter to them.. my motivations were never of a concern to them.. they thought what they wanted, and always have. Anyway.. I decided that no matter what was said or done as a result of this I would not respond. I have heard of other things.. but each time a friend brought things to my attention I blew it off. I had left and I vowed to myself that I would not be suckered back into another mud slinging event.

Again, this was many moons ago, and I hadn't heard much of anything regarding the situation or even really the old group. Occasionally a friend of mine who was banned from the original group over the above situation would make comments in my group regarding the old, and I would quickly remove the comments. That part of my life is over, and there never is a point in beating a dead horse. But of course since we were still being 'monitored'. I have come to find out recently that she believes we are making these posts and deleting them so she will see them.. this is simply not the case.. she sees them cause she has every post mailed to her... if she logged in daily like most people, she never would know about it.. but nooooo that's not good enough.. so of course this is leading to a whole new situation..

Something has happened.. I don't know why.. and I don't really care.. I had decided to deal more with work while on line, and devote less time to the group.. work has been overwhelming anyway, and with it being Christmas time it just seemed like a natural thing to do. SO maybe it was my lack of participation in an area where someone could 'keep an eye' on me, or maybe some other event happened, that caused the people that I had ticked off so originally to come back into my life and try (and I emphasize the word try) to cause havoc. Phases have been running through my head about it.. 'those that try to sling mud only end up covering themselves' and the one in the opening.. and one I particularly like. teflon connie.. :) they pop up at the oddest of times. I have found writing things down often purges things from my brain.. songs that are stuck.. feelings emotions, etc.. which is the reason I am writing this

And so this is my LAST mention of this matter.. I will not respond to any questions. I will not mention it again.. this issue is in the circular file as far as I am concerned and I will not address it or give it ANY more of my energy again. You can not hurt me. I will not let you.

and cause I KNOW this will be seen by those who want to 'keep an eye' on me..

Give it up.. I'm not worth it.. move on with your life, you must have better things to do that to try to wreak havoc with someone who will not let you get to them.. if you don't, I can only feel sorry for you. Since long before this happened I have prayed for you nightly.. I pray for your health, I pray for your happiness. I pray for a long full life for you all.. Even though in the past you have said and done things that have hurt me, I do wish only good things in your life. I doubt you believe me, but that is also not my problem.

Peace and Prosperity to you. (and to ANYONE and EVERYONE who stops by to read this)

And I shall close this topic with a quote from a good friend of mine.. well ok it isn't her quote.. but she's using it, so I'm going to borrow it :)

~~~*~ The more you fill life with anger,the less room there is for love. ~*~~~
(thank you dawn)
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 1:19 PM

I forgot to mention that in the week before Christmas I went out to a few events.. one being the portland pops, the other being the childrens theater production of the velveteen rabbit.. they were both wonderful productions..

Having been in music since I was knee high to a grasshopper, and having been in more concerts than I have actually attended the pops was surely a preformance I totally enjoyed.. I don't often hear live violin music.. and it almost stunned me as how beautiful it was. They also had two broadway actors there to sing the songs, a 40ish red haired woman who over acted the songs almost to a point where it was bad, and who wore two beautiful dresses during the show (change during intermission) and a maybe 40ish, possibly 50ish african american man.. man.. that sounds worse than saying he was black.. this PC thing can be frustrating.. I highly doubt this man was from Africa.. well anyway.. he has black skin, and a singing voice that made me cry more than once. it was stunning.. They also had a small girl play ava maria.. she was nine I think, and had been horseback riding and the horse had fallen on her that morning.. I was totally impressed that she showed up at all. Nothing appeared to be broken, she said she had some bruising because of it.. It was a wonderful experience.. we were sitting in the fourth row of the theatre.. not bad for having purchased our tickets that morning .. *smile*

We also went to go see a Velveteen rabbit. The play was preformed by mostly children. They were VERY good. THey changed the story a bit.. from the written version anyway.. I have never seen it preformed before. The little boy who sat next to us knew it had changed too.. and he said so :) They encouraged audience participation at a few points, and it was adorable to see the kids yelling to the nurse to go find the rabbit.. Not that they had needed any encouragement.. They were yelling long before the preformers encouraged it.. lol.. the little boy (or was it a girl who played a boy) was very good.. the rabbit was ok.. the real rabbits were adorable.. :) a good time was had..

I really want to go to boston to see the scooby doo live show.. am I nuts? giggle.. they are also doing titanic at the same theatre as the pops was played.. I should so get involved in the theatre again.. I loved acting in school..
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 10:45 AM

the closing of the Guiding Light Christmas episode....

And so we end our story, joined together... our grudges and grievances healed. Will this truce last for ever, *chuckle* I doubt it my friends, this is Springfield. But if tomorrow and all the days there after... if we manage to find love in our hearts, and keep guided by what keeps us together, instead of what keeps us apart, then the spirit of Christmas will last.. through our compassion and our unity. For look at the magic that has happened this year. Our town, has become yours, and we are one community.. What a year, and so.. from our family, to yours, Happy Holidays Everybody, and a very Merry Christmas to you all
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 4:08 PM

well.. its that time of year again.. to look back at all that has happened, and look forward to what is to come..
I was watching the "TODAY" show this morning, and someone commented that this year was almost like two years.. the pre 9/11 and post 9/11.. and you know what.. I can truly see that..

Watching over the retrospective was kinda hard.. brought me to tears again to see all the devistation.. My prayers really are with all the people who were lost, and those who lost loved ones. I also saw a bit on the rebuilding of the Pentagon.. Its amazing how far they have come.. granted they didn't have the sheer mass of debris that the WTC had.. and they were under construction in the first place..

Well.. as this year draws to a close, I say a prayer for those who have come into my life, and an extra one for those who have come and gone.. It is time to let go of all that has been and grab on with both hands all that lay before you.

The trend in retail right now is anything that is good for cocooning.. Things to stay home and cuddle up with your loved ones.. comfy clothes, blankets sheets, dvd players, entertainment centers.. and ya know.. that is a pretty darn good trend.

When the morning day breaks.. I know I will be taking a few extra moments to be grateful for what I have.

My wish for you will be that you will be able to do the same.
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 10:17 PM