Day Three..

Im coming to the end of my brains capability to deal with the aftermath of all that has happened.. At this point, I only want to hear good news. I don't want to hear about the persuit of suspects, or about body parts found in the rubble, or any other bad news. I can't get away from it though. Those that took over Flight 11 flew out of the airport that is only half an hour from where I live, and five minutes from an old job I had. They ate dinner at a local pizza hut. They were trained at an american flight school.. pretty ironic and almost incomprehensible that they would make use of our facilities to harm us.

In trying to deal with this, Ive gone back to haunting an old stomping ground of mine. A place where many people I consider friends hang out. Only problem is some people I don't consider friends hang out there too. These people have cause me only stress and been upsetting to me from almost the minute I met them. You know.. there are always people your just not going to be able to get along with no matter what you try. Unfortunately they bad outweighed the good and I felt I had to leave for my own sanity and happiness. But Ive had to go back to just visit.. (lurking if you will) to see how others are dealing with this. Ive found Im in good company with the way Ive been feeling.. Unfortunately though, Ive also run into the same attitudes there, and they ended up bothering me as much if not more so now that Im not a member. It ended up bothering me all night that I considered explaining the whole situation here. Since I don't intend on advertising this board, I figured it was safe, but then I realized I got in trouble with these people for saying things in a place I thought was safe to begin with.. I can't win. I don't want to start more hard feelings and more aggrevation.. especially now.. actually that has never ever been my intention - I wish I could say the same for others. Maybe one day I'll explain my side of things, but I don't think anyone will really care. I personally find it easier to purge feelings of anger and discontent if I write them down... denial of those feelings only works for so long. Talking about it to people who don't know the players is pretty useless too. I know they are only seeing one side of the story, and when they tell me that "i was right and they were wrong' its hard to believe it.. even though I know that's the case. Don't get me wrong, Ive done my share of 'wrong' things... but some of the things Ive done that have been considered 'wrong' by these people is pretty out there.

But anyway.. this really isn't the place.. I mention it because it is a part of who I am and how I feel right now. I figure if a diary isn't for sorting out your feelings and keeping track of events in ones life then there really isn't much to talk about Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.. Im taking monday and tuesday off from work.. Gonna go and do something fun and out of the ordinary hopefully this weekend. Im not really one for doing things out of the ordinary.. Im such a home body.. but I do like to do wild and crazy things.. so who knows.. guess it really depends on how these next two days go. If I can pick up my mood, it will be a lot easier..
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 11:12 AM

Day Two...

I'm still in the wow mode.. Looking over yesterday's post, I can only say how prophetic of me to say that the first building had collapsed.. at this point three are down and they are talking that more are going to fall. There haven't been but a handful of people found alive.. there is talk of people using cell phones to say they are a live and stuck, but then someone else hinted those might be hoaxes.. *rolls eyes* Two of my local radio stations that normally play music are tapping into news broadcasts.. There are gas stations that are now charging 5$ and up for a gallon of gas. Ticks me off.. Gas isn't transported in airplanes.. Although the mail will be slow.. but I got mail yesterday.. and I got it today.. ya have to love the post office... ok.. so you have to love the American spirit... there are more volunteers than are needed, there are lines to give blood, supplies are being shipped from many different states. (although you have to think some of these people are a bit out of it cause this is probably the first time they have given blood... Giving blood is one of the most generous things you can do.. you are literally saving someone's life.)

Anyway.. I'm thinking about making a website about my thoughts and views on this tragedy. Not sure anyone wants to hear them, but it might help me to sort out my feelings on it. Cause you know what.. it still feels like I watched a movie..

*on a side note.. I so wish blogger had spell check ;)
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 7:07 PM

wow.. Today is the day that the world trade center was distroyed by terrorists. Im writing this an hour and a half after the first attack.. the first building had just collapsed.. we don't know for certian if the pentagon was hit with a plane or a bomb.. all the planes are grounded.. all of the news sites (msnbc.com cnn.com etc) are overwhelmed with people trying to find out what is going on.. we got a tv going in the break room.. Im so totally floored. I almost didn't come into work today.. I was feeling off this morning.. not sick or anything, but really not wanting to leave my home. I often feel this way, but this time it was so strong I almost stayed.. Being in Maine though, I know im not in any danger here.. but I wish I was home being able to watch what was going on. and I wish someone would come forth and claim responsiblity for this.. cause I don't know about you.. but after the wow feeling is subsiding.. the only thing I want to know is why..
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 10:27 AM

today I finished up working on Joc's blogger.. she asked me to create one for her.. which is the whole reason this blogger is in place.. I found out how to edit the template, and how to put in comments.. :) it was fun. However blogger doesn't seem to like it if you make too many updates in one day.. took for ever for me to make the last change over the weekend, so I gave up and made it today. I spent most of the weekend sleeping or taking it easy. This time of year is murder on me.. my allergies wreak havoc with me. I also finished my 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle i bought. that was no fun to put together, but it was a nice feeling when it was finished :)

Im also starting to be come disallusioned with the internet again. the relationships you make here are so fleeting.. and often people don't give you the respect they would if you were standing right in front of them. I really hate that. I have a few good friends on line, and one that had to go off line.. I miss her. Its getting harder and harder to not let the bad outweigh the good. Sadly I work on line all day, and my job is very borring, so going off line really isn't an option.

Sometimes .... ok a great deal of the time... I just don't understand people..
Ranted by ~*Connie*~ at 4:51 PM