03/08/00 17:42:58

Name: dorene jensen	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: victoms can become the abuser in subsequent relationships	What kinds of links do you look for?:: self help	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: all of it-may have done it again;the same abusive guy, don't know how to fix things, or myself, or him-help!
How did you find my page?:: searching for anger manegement info. for him-so i could help him.	What happened today that you are grateful for?:: That he didn't say something too horrible before he went to work to make my day that much longer	How's you're life going these days?:: sad. lonely. soul sick. worried about my future and my childrens' future with the influence of this man in our lives.

Comments:
when i first began this relationship 1 year ago today(its our 1st anniversary, i went in recognizing that he was an alcoholic, and your typically male pig(you know always commenting on womens bodies, not much tact when it came to describe in detail what he had done with other women, even though i didn't ask,etc.) But i'd given up on men and hadn't been with one in five years(no lovers either) and decided i was never going to find a man that met my standards. i tried to except the fact that all men were like that and i was either going to be alone forever, or be with a man i could atleast put up with. well, as soon as we moved in together, i slowly started- controlling him not by threats but by confessing to the fact that i didn't like his friends. i wouldn't put up with him going to 'titty bars'-as he calls them. that he drank too much, he smoked too much, and if he didn't like it he knew where the door was. well, i felt like i was doing him all the good, that i bettering him making him to be the good father that my childrens father wasn't. (he was a physically and verbally drunken abuser/on &off relationship for 12 yrs.) and suddenly when he wasn't doing what i wanted, i was throwing things, and even hurt him once when i shoved a chair in his direction and it hit his shin and he has a scar there. throwing things at him just missing his head- i was turning into a monster. one day my oldest son(who is 13) watched as i went out to the back porch with a hammer and destroyed all of the furniture until i was so tired, i couldn't swing the hammer anymore. It slowed down- my reasponses to my feelings of what i call pain from the man who isn't showing me the love i need. and now i don't respond violently at all. it was hard. but now i feel guilty. he still drinks heavily, and if i say even one thing to him aboutit or how i never see him, or how we don't spend any quality time together, he trashes the house even balls up his fists and threatens me. to my disbelief, a friend of his showed up at our house one morning after he smashed up the house(his friend mows our lawn) and i was of course very shook-up. i asked this friend if he knew of my hubby ever having a problem with anger before and he just shrugged it off and said "oh, yeah, thats just how he is" and went on about an old girlfriend he used to live with that both of them used to trash the house out of anger. when i later confronted my man about it he just excused it as "she busted up more than i did" he was with her for a year and a half! but no matter how much i plead for him not to get so mad that it wasn't healthy for the kids to see, that it frightened me, he still does it and uses leaving me lately as a threat i guess to shut up. just this morning i asked him when he was going to stop being so cruel to me emotionally and stop trashing the house-destroying the furniture etc. and he said," maybe when you stop nagging me for the same things over and over again." but the strange thing is he can't recall what made him so angry the last few days. I know i wasn't nagging him. i can't complain about any little thing without him bringing up how i did this and i did that when i was being the crazy one. so who is the bad guy here? how do we fix it. we almost broke-up this past weekend, and today we both agreed that we want to work this out. I said i'd stop nagging him if he'd stop being violent. i also asked him to point out to me when i was being a nag, that i wasn't recognizing when i was doing so but that it still didn't excuse his violence, and but that i had no excuse for my nagging. if you have any suggestions for us or for me or for him plese e-mail me.

03/08/00 17:09:08

Name: dorene jensen	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: victoms can become the abuser in subsequent relationships	What kinds of links do you look for?:: self help	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: all of it-may have done it again;the same abusive guy, don't know how to fix things, or myself, or him-help!
How did you find my page?:: searching for anger manegement info. for him-so i could help him.

Comments:

01/06/00 00:13:27

Name: tammy	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: forgive me for saying so, but it's a little hard to look for...	What kinds of links do you look for?:: music ones, etc.	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: yes, lots of it!
How did you find my page?:: alta vista	What happened today that you are grateful for?:: i'm enjoying a lazy day off	How's you're life going these days?:: mundane, but fine

Comments:
other than the fact that your page is a bit hard to read (i.e. the background is cool, but kinda bright) your page is excellent! I looked at most of it, and I like what you have to say about music and journaling. keep up the most excellent work, come to m page and sign the guestbook...

11/21/99 13:14:11

Name: Sam Harrop	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: downloadable songs?	What kinds of links do you look for?:: n/a	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: yes
How did you find my page?:: from www.countingcrows-l.org	What happened today that you are grateful for?:: another day to appreciate CC	How's you're life going these days?:: so-so

Comments:

09/14/99 10:25:17

Name: Steffan Boerli	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: More pictures?	What kinds of links do you look for?:: Tabs,lyrics	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: No, not any particular
How did you find my page?:: Sterted from Countingcrows-l.org	What happened today that you are grateful for?:: I woke up and felt great	How's you're life going these days?:: Pretty good. nice girlfriend, studies are going great

Comments:
Hi Connie. I liked your page. I am actually really interested in the storyteller-show or any of the other videos. The problem is that I live in Europe, and we have another video-system than in the US,so I really don't know what to do. Please help me, I re lly need to see Adam and the other guys "live" Best wishes Steffan

08/08/99 21:23:05

Name: kim	My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me	What kinds of links do you look for?:: other journals that you read, rings that you're on
How did you find my page?:: open pages ring	How's you're life going these days?:: no comment

Comments:
just thought i'd say hello

07/31/99 09:26:29

Name: Girls of ICQ	My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me

Comments:
Website de Nizza. Ringraziamenti per lasciarlo firmare il vostro guestbook

07/14/99 15:52:54

Name: susi	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: looks good to me	What kinds of links do you look for?:: survivors	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: all of it
How did you find my page?:: emotional abuse research	What happened today that you are grateful for?:: my girls are with me	How's you're life going these days?:: much better

Comments:
boy ... we all have stories don't we ... glad to see you are a survivor

04/14/99 20:56:35

My URL: Visit Me

Comments:

04/05/99 08:12:46

Name: Tim Hawthorne	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: turn your picture around	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: yes	How did you find my page?:: read your add @yahoo
What happened today that you are grateful for?:: life is great	How's you're life going these days?:: not bad

Comments:
I hope life continues to treat you well as life is to short to not enjoy it to it's fullest. Life has given you ups and downs and your are still aboard. I, to enjoy the things that are in natures backyard here in Mt. as there is not much difference.I had eer in my backyard to. The fishing isnot to bad here also. If you get a free moment away from those energetic boys maybe you can drop me a note or two. By the way it looks like the older one already has his eye on a little friend. He is gooing to be quite a hand full I will bet. Till later then. Tim

04/05/99 08:07:42

Name: Tim Hawthorne	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: turn your picture around	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: yes	How did you find my page?:: read your add @yahoo
What happened today that you are grateful for?:: life is great	How's you're life going these days?:: not bad

Comments:
I hope life continues to treat you well as life is to short to not enjoy it to it's fullest. Life has given you ups and downs and your are still aboard. I, to enjoy the things that are in natures backyard here in Mt. as there is not much difference.I had eer in my backyard to. The fishing isnot to bad here also. If you get a free moment away from those energetic boys maybe you can drop me a note or two. By the way it looks like the older one already has his eye on a little friend. He is gooing to be quite a hand full I will bet. Till later then. Tim

03/20/99 07:28:54

Name: Nancye Sims	My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me	How did you find my page?:: surfing net

Comments:
Hello, my name is Nancye Sims and I am the author of the poem "You Are Worthy" on your web page. The original title is "A Creed To Live By". I just recently learned my writings are on the Internet and I am so pleased to see they are an inspiration to ot ers as this is the main reason why I write. Thank You for including it on your BEAUTIFUL site. I would love to hear from others who have been inspired by this poem. My e-mail addess (in lowercase letters please) is: [email protected] Thanks again and have a great day! Sincerely, Nancye Sims

03/10/99 00:02:08

Name: Rex Gaylord	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: Files could be smaller, they are pretty, but load a little slow	What kinds of links do you look for?:: Just a little bit of everything	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: Very much so...
How did you find my page?:: I was searching for links from home, and run acros your page. Now I'm homesick because it has some of my favorite places and things I miss on it.	What happened today that you are grateful for?:: A freinds child was returned home safely	How's you're life going these days?:: A little crazy here in Bosnia, but generally speaking they are better than ever.

Comments:
I don't think we have met, but I run across your page and quite enjoyed seeing it. By comparison, you have a much better page than I do (My graphics are too large also) ...

01/04/99 15:50:48

Name: Anthony John Ciccariello III	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: it's good	What kinds of links do you look for?:: usually ones that link	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: yes
How did you find my page?:: a guestbook	What happened today that you are grateful for?:: nothing	How's you're life going these days?:: don't ask

Comments:
I wish you luck on the change in your life and the raising of the kids. Enjoy. Tony

12/21/98 01:06:28

Name: Fillipe

My URL: Visit Me

My Email: Email Me

Comments:
Hi! Thanks for the attention. I try to send you an email, but I can't. I'm writing to ask for help, because I don't have money for the blanks and the postages, then if you can help me, I would be very grateful. Order me an email and tell me a sugestion. I hope everything is well there. I'm waiting for answer. Fillipe.

12/19/98 15:57:06

Name: Fillipe O. Ranucci	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: Your page is perfect	What kinds of links do you look for?:: I look for something about Counting crows	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: Not now, because I'm only 16 old
How did you find my page?:: In the bootlegs guide	What happened today that you are grateful for?:: I always thank to Jesus for waking up live	How's you're life going these days?:: Fine

Comments:
I'm from Brazil and I have a lot of difficulty in writting in english. I hope you take care and have a lot of happiness. I'm a great fan of Counting Crows even so, here in Brazil it is a lot of difficult of getting material of them. If you can help me, I would like to have some of videos besides the CD that contains the unrelesead songs, please, order me an email telling as I can't I got. The email is: [email protected] Merry Christimas.

11/17/98 18:14:01

Name: Sinjin	My URL: Visit Me	How can I improve my page?:: it lookks great for right know, But I cant see the author, did you post your pic ?
What kinds of links do you look for?:: happy go lucky links	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: Yes, I can, its hard to imagine for a husband to be on the receiveing end of verbal & psychological abuse, I know, I was the receipient.	How did you find my page?:: You gave the URL
What happened today that you are grateful for?:: I am grateful that I can still be a father to my children, that they know I love them and to know they Love me.	How's you're life going these days?:: Its going great, How about yours?

Comments:
I am glad, everything is going good for you in your life, maybe you can help with some answers some day, I need a womans point of view, You take care and the little ones too!

11/14/98 14:34:37

Name: bev tucker

My URL: Visit Me

My Email: Email Me

Comments:
connie, this is a very emotional site. i admire your guts to *lay it all out there* for the world to see. i am sorry you are feeling so down, i wish i had a magic wand. i could wave it and make you finacially secure and eternally happy. one thing we all now: tomorrow is another day, another day that could bring good things, all we have to do is wait out the pain of today to see it. hang in there, good buddy! *she's been crying, and i've been thinking..i am the rain king* cc.

11/10/98 00:50:56

Name: MsNakemo	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: you and Dakota are upside down	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: of course	How did you find my page?:: your email
What happened today that you are grateful for?:: random axe of kindness	How's you're life going these days?:: i am blessed

Comments:
Dear Connie, Good idea for web page. I think I lost my page. Oh well, I can start over. MsNay

11/08/98 21:33:38

Name: Lucille B. Milner	My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me	What kinds of links do you look for?:: Christian links and Christian graphics
What happened today that you are grateful for?:: being able to attend church	How's you're life going these days?:: okay

Comments:
I think your guest book has too many questions, otherwise, I really like your page.

11/08/98 06:16:14

Name: Jerry	My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me	How can I improve my page?:: Looks good
How did you find my page?:: my sister told me

Comments:
Hello Sis. Sorry it took me so long to get back to your page but I finally made it and I SIGNED your book. Have a good day Jerry

11/07/98 17:33:57

Name: Bill Henning	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
What kinds of links do you look for?:: Police	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: You know I do. :-)	How did you find my page?:: Your email
What happened today that you are grateful for?:: Hearing form you again.	How's you're life going these days?:: Pretty good.

Comments:
Page looks good. Maybe we'll talk sometime in the future.

11/07/98 14:21:12

Name: Tracy	My URL: Visit Me	My Email: Email Me
How can I improve my page?:: Not quit sure...	What kinds of links do you look for?:: dunno	Do you relate to anything I've put on my page?:: Yes
How did you find my page?:: ya sent it to me!! :0)	What happened today that you are grateful for?:: I woke up without a hangeover	How's you're life going these days?:: Most excellent! I'm really happy with myself!

Comments:
I'm happy to see that you've found a way to unload the poison of a bad past into something constructive and positive. Perhaps some good links would be ones to single mother groups or chats. Or divorced men and women. Victims of emotional abuse and stuf . High five to you Connie!! You need to put some CC sound bites too!!LOL!!! Love you sweetie!!! Keep it up!