Chapter 8:
And so, the suzaku seishi traveled on with their new companions, Mitsukake and Tina the Tiger. They had no idea where they were going, but it didn’t bother them. They just sang the one-hundred bottles of beer on the wall song (all except Tasuki, that is, who disapproved of alcohol.)
They traveled and traveled…and traveled some more, until they arrived at a small secluded place in the middle of nowhere.
Miaka stood still and stretched her limbs. "Ahhh….so here we are; in a small, secluded place in the middle of nowhere…" she looked at her tired companions. "So now what the f*** do we do?"
After cringing at Miaka’s fowl language, Tasuki spoke. "I propose we rest here for a few days. All right, chaps?"
Everyone tiredly nodded. Tina lay down with a big flop, and proceeded to wash herself, while Hotohori scratched his crotch, Tasuki hummed some off-tune song, Miaka blabbed gibberish to herself, Mitsukake cut down a few trees, and Nuriko took this opportunity to fix his makeup…until suddenly…
"Owwww!!!" Miaka cried, covering her ears. "What the h*** is that f***ing godd*** noise???!!"
Everyone else covered their ears in turn, and screamed in time with the terrible flute music that was coming out of the darkness. And just when they thought there would be no end to it…there was.
Miaka timidly released her ears, and looked around her for the source of the music. Her eyes finally fell on a young, ugly boy who looked as though someone had vomited in his hair.
"Peeeeew!" Miaka greeted him, holding her nose. "Who barfed on your head?"
The boy stepped out of the shadows. "Nice to meet you, nice, beautiful lady!!"
Miaka turned around. "Where?" Then she realized the boy was actually talking about her. "Oh," she said with a giggle. "Nice to meet you too, you—uh—ugly boy…"
Nuriko was less cordial. "Who the f*** are you?"
Tasuki hushed his companion’s fowl mouth, and the boy seemed to cringe at the bad language too.
"I am—"
But before he could tell the suzaku seishi who he was, something bright and blue lit up on his arm.
"No waaaaay!!!" Miaka screamed, jumping up and down, and giggling hysterically. "I’ve found the last one!!!"
Hotohori frowned at the idiot. "What the h*** are ya saying?" he drawled as he picked some ear wax out of his right ear.
"The seventh Suzaku seishi!" Miaka cried for joy, as she rushed up to the bewildered seiryuu seishi, and pointed to the glowing blue light.
"So what does it say?" Tasuki asked skeptically.
Miaka squinted her eyes, and read the boy’s symbol. "My name is ‘Amiboshi’, not ‘Chiriko’. I am a seiryuu seishi, so don’t confuse me…" Miaka paused, to think about what she’d just read… "Well, there ya have it!" she cried triumphantly. "Our last seishi!!"
"But I’m not—"
Amiboshi’s protests were cut off my Miaka grabbing his arm. "Let’s go back to get Chichiri, and we can get Suzaku out of jail!!!"
"Uh, Miaka…" Nuriko said, stopping her. "What about that dumba** dork back in Kuso?"
"Aw s***, you’re right…" Miaka mused. "We’re missing Tamahome…gee, I wonder how we can get to Kuso…"
Amiboshi smiled and spoke up. "I know where—"
"Weeeellll…" Hotohori began, stepping on Amiboshi’s foot. "Les get goin…"
Miaka nodded her head, trying to look important, and followed the emperor’s lead. For some reason she couldn’t quite place, she was starting to fall for the guy…
"What’s your plan, dearie?" she asked the ugly politician, leaning on his arm.
"Well, I dunno what the h*** I’m doin, so we’ll jes go back t’ Chichiri, and as’ him whata do…"
Miaka liked the sound of this plan, and followed the president back to the white house.
***************
Girl #2 walked through the halls of the school library with a frown on her face.
"What’s wrong, Girl #2?" Girl #1, who was Girl #2’s best friend, asked.
"Well, there’s just nothing to do around here after school!" she complained as she flopped down on the stone steps in front of their classroom. "Since Miaka Hadaka, and Screwy Yui disappeared a couple days ago, we have no one else to paint wombats purple with after school."
Girl #1 sighed. "Yeah, know what’cha mean…wanna do something illegal?" she suggested hopefully.
"Ah, what a good idea," Girl #2 said with a smile, her spirits finally lifted. "Let’s go into the janitor’s closet to plan what we’ll do," she suggested in turn.
Girl #1 agreed to this plan, and the two girls crawled into the tiny closet to plan…evil things. As they fumbled around in the dark, looking for the light switch, they stumbled upon something.
"Ouch!" Girl #1 complained when her butt hit the object sharply.
"What is it?" Girl #2 asked, finally finding the light switch.
Girl #1 held up the object she found, and read slowly: "The Universe of the Four Frauds…? Wonder what this is?" she wondered.
Girl #2 grinned. "Well, there’s one way to find out!!" she picked up the book, and flipped randomly towards the middle of it.
"Hey!" Girl #1 protested. "What are you doing?"
Girl #2 looked at her companion innocently. "Don’t you know? It’s always a good idea to start towards the middle of one of Tetris no Miko’s works. That way you skip all that character development crap."
[Hey! I heard that!!]
"Sorry…" Girls #1 and 2 said sheepishly, but started to read from the middle anyway.
Since Girl #2 had the better reading voice of the two, she began. "The Suzaku seishi, and the seiryuu seishi, Amiboshi, mistaken for a suzaku seishi, finally arrived at the white house, and were warmly welcomed…"
*******************
"What the f*** are YOU doing here?" Chichiri complained with a frown. "I was just starting to get comfortable here…"
Miaka frowned at her deviant seishi. He had two of Hotohori’s secretaries on one side, and Hotohori’s Secretary of Defense on the other. All were fondling parts of his body that this author can’t mention b/c that stupid d*** Tasuki….
"Hey! I’m doing our readers a FAVOR!" Tasuki insisted with a frown towards the ceiling.
"Well anyway, you’ve gotta come with us to look for Tamahome!" Nuriko commanded in a shrill voice.
"H*** no! I’m not leaving this spot for a zillion dollars, DUH!" Chichiri declared firmly.
"Oh yeah?" Mitsukake asked smugly. "You don’t know me, and may not know, but I was taken in by your lovely friends here, and I am suzaku seishi, Mitsukake! (This’s my tiger, Tina, by the way), and we’ve been traveling for days and days and days, and we’re soooo tired, that the LEAST you can do is come along and help us out! You think you’ve had it so easy here surrounded by secretaries gallore while WE’VE been toiling away in the wilderness breaking our backs trying to look for the seishi, and now that we’ve found them all…" Amiboshi had been tapping Mitsukake’s shoulder for quite some time. "Not now, lad, I’m busy yelling at Chichiri," Mitsukake reprimanded the ugly boy. "We need you to help us look for Tamahome!"
While Mitsukake paused to take a breath, Chichiri took this opportunity to break into the conversation. "Well, it doesn’t matter anyway, you guys. Hotohori, congress found out about your little affair with the V.P.’s daughter. You’ve been impeached, and I’ll be the prosecutor in your trial."
"WHAAAATT????!" Hotohori cried with an overdone gasp.
Miaka, Tasuki, and Tina held the poor president back to keep him from fainting, and Tasuki lowered his eyebrows in anger.
"Now you listen here! Since when did some silly little morality affair lead to impeachment?!"
"Shut up, liberal dumba**!!" Chichiri commanded (much enjoying his moment of power.) "You pitiful little idiots don’t stand a chance now!"
Everyone was scared, except Nuriko. "I’ll handle this" he said confidently to his friends as he approached the lawyer with his harem. After smiling sweetly at the naughty seishi, he ripped off his handsome mask, leaving his hideous, grotesque face exposed.
Unfortunately, Tasuki’s black rectangles didn’t get there in time to block the terrible sight out, and his harem members had to be dragged to first aid. The Speaker of the House, disgusted by this man’s appearance, gave Hotohori a formal apology in front of everyone on national television, and some bands played, and people sang and danced, and everyone was merry.
Miaka happily touched her glass of non-alcoholic beverage to Nuriko’s. "Well done! Now we’ve got all the seishi, and just need Tamahome!!"
"But I’m a SEIRYUU seishi!!!" Amiboshi declared helplessly for the hundredth time since he met them. Once again, no one seemed to notice, and looked forward to finding Tamahome…well, not the finding Tamahome part, but the part where they break Suzaku out of jail and take over the world. Yes, things were finally taking shape…
to chpater 9...