"I’m scared!" Nuriko cried shakily as he clutched his hands together.
"Why did you say that?" Hotohori asked annoyedly.
"I dunno, I just thought I should, seeing as how that’s the title of this chapter." Everyone fell to the ground in embarrassment, and walked on. Eventually, they came to the neighboring city, Kuso. On the outskirts of the palace, there was a sign: "important characters ahead, but enter at your own risk."
Miaka scratched her head. "What’s that supposed to mean?" Just then, a magical-looking guy popped up out of no where, and zapped Hotohori and Nuriko away.
"Hey!" Miaka yelled at the man. "What did you do that for??"
"They don’t belong in this scene," the man explained, and out of the sky, fell Tamahome.
"Aw shit, did you have to bring him back??" Miaka cursed.
"I’m afraid so. Have a nice stay in Kuso!" the man said, and disappeared into thin air.
Miaka made a determined sounding "humph!" and started to walk into the city.
"Ack! What the hell are you doing?" Chichiri asked.
"Well, you read the sign: important characters ahead, didn’t you? I’m going to find them. Maybe they can tell me where to find the other seishi."
"You have no idea what you’re getting---" Chichiri tried to warn her, but Tamahome pulled him back with an evil grin.
"Just leave her. I believe I haven’t met you yet. I’m Tamahome, fellow suzaku seishi and magazine salesman."
"Oh, how lovely!" Chichiri said and they walked off to go have a cup of coffee, leaving Miaka alone to have a scary experience…
It didn’t take a lot of wandering around in circles for people to spot the lost girl, and lead her into a room. After a few minutes, this very ugly short fat guy came walking into the room with a curious expression on his face.
"Are you lost, little girl?" he asked kindly. Miaka just stared at the strange guy, who then pulled out a holy book. "Maybe I can help you!" he said cheerily, turning to a random passage, and reading in a regal voice. This was too much for poor Miaka, who promptly screamed.
"Somebody get me outta here!!!!!!" she cried desperately.
"Nakago!" someone yelled. The man stopped reading.
"Yes, Yui?" he asked pleasantly. Miaka gasped when she saw Yui walk into the room.
"Yui???" she asked. "You’re here too???" Yui helped Miaka off the ground where she had been trembling.
"I’m sorry about Nakago here, he gets a little carried away sometimes," she said quietly.
"Better for me to get carried away than you to be carried off into the depths of hell!!" Nakago said boldly.
"Ease off, Nakago, she’s a dumbass", Yui said.
"Ah!!!" Nakago gasped "What did I tell you about such language, Yui?? It’s unclean words that our father does not want to hear!!!"
"Aw, shut the hell up! thank you for your hospitality, Nakago, but I think I’ll go with Miaka now…" Yui said. "Hey, she couldn’t be worse than this loser", Yui thought to herself. Miaka bowed happily to Yui, but in the process, "The Universe of the Four Frauds" dropped out of her dress.
"So that’s why I felt so heavy!!" she said in realization. Yui frowned, and picked up the book.
"This doesn’t make sense, if we’re in this book, then why to you have a copy?" [Tetris no Miko pops out from no where]
"Didn’t you know? It’s not like only one copy was published! Over millions were sold!!!"
"Oh" Yui said, and Tetris no Miko disappeared again. "So, Miaka, shall we go?" Yui asked
"Sure, I just have to wait for the two seishi who were with me." And at that moment, in walked Tamahome and Chichiri. Tamahome was tripping over his own feet, and Chichiri was desperately trying to get his squirting flower trick to work. Yui looked on in disapproval.
"On second thoughts, I think I’ll stay with this guy", she says.
"Fine, suit yourself!" Miaka said, walking away with her two incompetent seishi.
"hmmm…" Miaka hummed. "so what do we do now??" the other two didn’t seem to care, as they were too engrossed in an enlightening conversation.
"But coke is just sooo much better than pepsi!" Tamahome argued indignantly.
"But Pepsi’s endorsed by cooler celebrities, DUH!!" Chichiri argued back.
"But it’s not the commercials that matter!" Tamahome insisted, his symbol lighting up on his angry brow. "Coke just tastes better!"
"Miaka, you settle this," Chichiri said desperately. "Which is better? Coke or pepsi??"
Miaka turned her fat nose up in the air and walked on. "I don’t like cola. 7-up’s where it’s aaaaaaaaaat!!!" she cried, sounding as though she fell through a hole in the ground. Chichiri and Tamahome rushed up to her only to find that she had tripped over her own feet. She pulled herself off the ground and hastily dusted herself off.
"I meant to do that," she said confidently, as she took another step forward. This time she fell through a hole in the ground, and Chichiri and Tamahome, having nothing else to do, followed her. As they fell, they passed several floating clocks, plants, and a nervous rabbit holding a watch, until finally they landed in Taiitsu-kun’s domain. CRASH!!!!
Taiitsu-kun, who had been molesting a small chipmunk, looked up at the noise. "Aw shit!" she complained. "Not you guys again!!"
"Tight-skin??" Miaka asked in confusion. "How’d we get here again??"
Chichiri pulled himself to his feet, but immediately fell over again once he saw the beautiful woman. "Hi, I’m Shishiri….mice to neet you…" he mumbled with stars in his eyes. Everyone stared down at the man and blinked a couple of times. His familiar handsome face was gone, and replaced by the most hideous face imaginable [so hard to imagine, that I won’t even TRY to write it in…].
Miaka screamed so ear-piercingly that Tamahome’s glasses broke. "Aaaaah!!! And I thought YOU were ugly!" she cried as she clung onto Tamahome, who all the while, had been wetting his pants from the shock.
Chichiri hastily put his handsome-face mask back on and coughed lightly. "Well…uh…anyone want a cup of coffee??" he asked excitedly as he made a coffee pot materialize out of thin air.
"Ooooh, please!!" Miaka cried excitedly, forgetting how freaked she was a couple of seconds ago.
"Yes, let’s all have a cup!" Taiitsu-kun suggested as she made a table complete with table cloth, dishes, silverware and biscuits materialize. Everyone sat down and munched on the biscuits.
"Hmmm, I wonder why Screwy-Yui didn’t come with us??" Miaka wondered as she took a bite of biscuit and then promptly threw it up.
If anyone’s curious, I have a video tape here of what happened to her when she came here two months ago…" Taiitsu-kun offered.
"No way!" Tamahome said excitedly. "I didn’t know the universe of the four frauds was a movie too!!"
Taiitsu-kun smiled. "Well, I get a special copy, since I can’t read." She popped the tape into her VCR, and soon the party was immersed in
"Coming soon to theaters….she was just an ordinary teen-ager….but then one day….
"Screw-prism-power!!!" yelled an annoyingly high female voice
"She became…" continued the narrator. "…..SAILOR SCREW!!" Some scary background music played as each sailor called her name out in turn…
"Sailor Have-to-pee!!"
"Sailor Fart!"
"Sailor Poop-at-her!"
"Sailor Penis!!"
"Sailor Your Anus!!"
"Sailor Cartoon!"
"Sailor Satan!"
"And Sailor Cool!"
"Together, these teens aid justice….."
"What??? This poor girl wanted to join in on your orgy and you rejected her??? Well, we wont’ allow it! We’ll—"
Tamahome hit the fast-forward button.
"Hey!" Miaka objected. "I wanted to see that preview!"
"It’s just a stupid B-movie anyway…." He insisted as he quickly fast forwarded through their past adventures until he made it to Yui’s experience.
Yui lay on the ground, still unconscious, but was soon surrounded by nice people. She slowly came to.
"Oh, she’s finally awake!" yelled a beautiful woman excitedly.
"What’s your name?" asked a kind old man.
"Uh….Yui….Screwy-Yui…." She answered slowly.
"Oh my! What a beautiful name!" cried all the villagers in hushed voices. A fat ugly man quickly made his way through the crowd.
"No way! It’s the ugly guy from just a few minutes ago!!" Miaka screamed.
"Shut up!" Chichiri yelled.
"Are you lost, my child?" the ugly man asked kindly.
"Like hell I am!" the crowd breathed in a collective sharp breath.
"Oh….you must be possessed by the devil! Poor child!" the ugly man said sorrowfully. "I’ll take you into my house and take care of you…"
Shortly, Miaka and the others saw Yui sitting up in a rich silk bed, eating eggs benedict, with musicians playing around her bed. Yui smiled gaily as she watched some more servants perform acrobatic feats for her amusement.
"STOP IT!!" Miaka commanded with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!" Taiitsu-kun switched the TV set off and frowned at Miaka.
"No wonder she didn’t want to come with us…." Miaka said, still sobbing. Suddenly her face twisted into an angry grin. "Well, she won’t get away with this!! I’ll call suzaku first and then who’ll have servants waiting on who?? Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!" she screamed triumphantly. "So, are you with me?? Tamahome! Chichiri!!…"
She glared angrilly at the two who had turned the TV back on and were watching the porn channel.
"HEY!" Miaka yelled with fire coming out of her mouth. "I said: are you with me??!!!"
Tamahome and Chichiri smiled meekly at the angry girl and nodded their heads.
"All rightie then…" Miaka cackled evilly. "So, it’s off to Konan then!! We’ll get Hotohori and Nuriko and we’ll find the rest of our seishi, and then we can take over the world!!!"
Taiitsu-kun tapped Miaka on the shoulder. "Here, take this magic calculator. Not only can it tell you where the seishi are in case you can’t find them, but it also has several nice video games on it!"
Miaka’s eyes sparkled as she beheld the glorious gadget.
"Oh, thank you, Tight-skin!!"
The young lady frowned. "That’s Ta-ii-tsu-kun!!"
"Whatever!" Miaka said with a cheery wave and stepped back into the magic hole that would lead her back to Konan.
"So, just three more seishi to go, and I’ll rule the world!" she thought triumphantly to herself as she fell past the plants, clocks and the nervous rabbit again. But little did she know how hard her journey was REALLY going to be….