Just a few of my Ramblings

ooh...a prideful heart...
let it not be..
but supple....and yielding...
ready to share....
to take the chance to be broken..
for..only in that chance..
in that.........heart ~ stretching out of my breast...
can i hope to find..that which you can touch....and caress

Tue, 12 May 1998




i reach i strain
to find that cadence needed to rhyme
and in that stretching....
i lose what i started with...
the thought..i wanted to share..
the words..
in my being...

come closer..can you find them..
opening my lips.....search..
they are right..on the tip of my tongue

From on Wed May 13



with each that i chat with
i leave a piece of myself..
and take a piece of them
yet
at times i wonder if
they lost the me in them..
while i cling..
and remember, what i have in me..

Tue, 2 Jun 1998



six days they circled jericho
silent but for the trumpet sounds
yet on the seventh,
seven times they marched....and ended with a shout
then the walls came crashing down...

how many times have you
around my heart
marched...
i feel it is time

From on Mon Jun 8




sliding the shuttle in the fabric of words
weaving each of us
our own pattern..
yet,
when viewing my feeble attempts
i see the better part ...more tightly woven....
and clear...
was when you were
near
and the story ours

Sat Jul 18




and the banquet of
words one can find here
reaching....surrounding..
and..the..
with the turn of one phrase
you gasp...and wonder in amazement
wondering why you had never thought
of placing those words together..
why
you had never heard them spoken
like that before

August 1




as two streams
running near each other..
clear...and pure..
and then...the merging..
waters mingling....and
becoming one..
in the swirls and eddies...
intermingling..

3 August 1998



reaching for the rose you
placed in my fingertips...
for a second...a sharp thorn
pierced my finger..
and in so doing
the scent of the rose grew stronger..
the color deeper..
for how could i know the joy...
in the gift..


Sat Aug 8




i listen to all sides..
and try to see all views..
knowing, as in my own life..
each day ..so different...
each emotion..so changing..

and knowing this..
i try to accept
others....as they are..
believing....
until
i am forced to....change that...

naive..perhaps..

August 13th



when you asked me to listen
i tried
my head cocked to one side
and ears alert
yet
i found myself watching your lips
move..
the motions of your eyebrows....
forgive me

please repeat that word for word..
and this time..
i will close my eyes

August 14th




i long to one day
play a tape of my
happy times..
to just sit there..
and remember....
those joys..
and ..
never ever..
to set my eyes upon the
sad times..
though, ...
making me stronger..
i wish not to see those times again..



walking
a path
scattered with thorns
yet..
if i look close
i can see
roses..buried
in the greenery...
small ones..
yet....
i know they are
there

August 15th




water.....
slowly dripping upon cement..
can ruin a foundation...
drop by drop..
but,
i shall never allow
your weak
words to ever
diminish my soul

September 1




trumpets
marching horns..
held high
reflecting
the field lights
sounds
toward heaven
and parent's smiles




incense
raising on the night
wind
as prayers
ascending
toward heaven
a remembrance



what do i need today
tomorrow..
last week..
what things might
my hands never touch..
here..
take this..
and that..
these memories..
are long dried in the recesses of my thoughts..
i need them no longer..

oops...
give me that one back...
i remember it now


September 3




watching a flower
i am intrigued with the plant..
it needs roots..
and even thorns..
leaves..of green..
before the beauty of the bloom..
often,
we do not have the patience..
to find out the color of the flower
before we
dig it up..
think it is ugly..in the 'teenage' state..
maturity brings
the beauty..
and the patience



touching your face
with fingertips
tracing the outlines
of years..spent without me
i wonder..what put this one..
or that one..as i tenderly
memorize the you i now know..
loving each one...of your
facial
remembrances


September 5




swallowing
thoughts
forgetting
to chew
stuck in teeth
the emotion
holding them together..

dang..i hate that

September 9




water
surging at
the river's mouth
churning..the
silt..
over and over..

tuck me in bed
cover me with
your blanket
between
the river banks

Septembert 11




thinking
love would last forever
i forgot
the daily feeding..
until
starved..
and then..
wondered if
intravenous
was an option



i held out my hand..
but forgot that my
fingers were curled inside..
no wonder yours could not
touch me..
now..
outstretched....
and you
are gone

September 14


raising my chin..
with eyes closed..
and feeling the
words
as magic dust
coat my outer layer
and then..
seeping in through every
pore
as i digest the words..the thoughts
that soak into my flesh

September 17




i had a candy necklace once..
and with teeth poised..
i ate off all the blue ones first..
thinking they were the best..
but, then the red ones ...
my teeth crunched..
and...
orange, yellow and green followed
until
i was left with just that
sticky elastic
around my neck..
and sweet lips




with lips poised in words of prayer
my thoughts far from the purest
yet i smiled
and people thought
i was in deepest thought
when
instead i was remembering/dreaming
of your touches..and the ways our eyes
met and the depth of penetration with
just one look..

i sighed..
and the congregation
gasped

October 2




tossing letters....
an 'a'..
and then a 'g'..
all mixed up...
let me gather a few..
and....thoughts..
emotions make..

or perhaps..
a bowl..of soup?


October 13




one little thought..
a feeling actually..
comes across my mind..
i ponder..
wondering where it came from..
when it is joined by another..
and yet another..
until in my heart..
i hold
a complete
bouquet...

and you, the giver..
unaware...of the vase where they now reside
in my being


October 15





standing on the edge..
i debated...about jumping..
and weighed all the consequences...
with eyes wide open i jumped...
and what a shock..
when the water only came to below my knees..

all that worry..for naught....




do not complain to me
of hairs of gray..
or balding...
for your head is perfect
as it is....
i just wonder about what is
inside....though..

*wink*



i saw in the road today..
a squirrel..
it stopped.....
and i swear, looked me right in the eye...
i wonder if it knew it was me...
i..
that ran over it's sister yesterday....
so, i slowed...and let it cross....
a requiem passing



sweet smiles..
i jump..
leap..
and....
then
ooh...i relish the journey...
when i find myself..
thinking..things i have never thought to think before...

*laughing*..

oh i am high...
on words




i had a kissy doll once..
you would take her arms...and push them together..
and she would pucker...
and make a noise..

i tried it once....with my baby brother..
but, he just screamed.....

can i try with you?....


From on Fri Oct 16




with outstretched fingers..
i see you in the middle of the current...
so far away..
i stride off the bank..
until the water..rushes round my knees...
come....
a little closer....
or
take me with you..
down stream




turning up my lips...
i thought to smile..
and then i caught your reflection out of the corner of my eye..
and i had to burst out in laughter..
for....
you are contagious...
October 17




after a day of pruning,
and trying to shape forty years of yard neglect,
my body is telling me..that i
should be learning something
from this....too..*s*

20 October



soul speaking to soul..
words..to words..
the outer frame..
no longer important..
what the world sees at first glance, missing from the web..
no outward facades...
just.....what we chose to share...
honesty?..ooh it can be....so pure...


and autumn hued leaves
covering the grass
for winter..

should i disturb the comforter's spread
with my measly rakings?
From on Tue Oct 20




watching from the ground..
feet firmly planted..
as the rides..
spin around my head...
sometimes i think it must look grand
from up there..
yet,
at least here..if i fall
i can walk away..with fewer bruises


From on Thu Oct 22




sometimes in the silence
of the chat room..
i wonder, if i should be reading a book,
or filing my nails.
and then..
i lift my head.. and perhaps..the next one in
will have words..to share..
a spin on the dance floor..
or..just a soft squeeze..
and then i know..
i am in the right
place.


Fri Oct 23




i read
i ponder
i toss back.
. oh..
the play of words..
intercourse
speaking loudly
in the
silence


From on Sat Oct 24




i watch the leaves
and realize
that i too
am dropping
thoughts..
now..
i need
a mind rake..
to gather them..

so i can either leap and play
or stand and watch them
burn


October 28th




i have a box
i don't look in it often
filled with memories..
i seem to cry
when i peer inside...
perhaps just knowing it is there..
and not looking
is better
than cracking
that
pandora's box


28 October 1998



dream
smoke rising
high in sky
disappearing
from sight
yet i know the
trail it takes
from whence it
started..
but the ending.
i can not reach




watching the well worn guitar
in hands that know each chord
each note
each song so well,
yet the boredom upon his weather etched face
is too evident..
a change is needed...

the words once love poems
now..
empty long since gone..
yet he must sing them
night
after night
town after town..
he goes on
empty songs
the audience roars their applause

From on Thu Oct 29




i thought to sweep the cobwebs
from the corners of the room..
and then..
smiled..

and considered them
decorations



filling nostrils
with the scent
of burning cedar
ooh...
let my thoughts
rise so high..
return to
greater powers


quiet
i hear something..
shhh...
the sound of branches?
or perhaps
the scratching of fingers...

ooh..i know..
your fingers upon keys..
typing....
click
click
click

Ocotber 31




the laughter of friends..
the soft sighs..
and comforting..arms..
that reach over the web
to soothe..aching hearts..
or caress tear stained cheeks..

my fingers.......boldly on keys typing..
yet..heart aching..
wondering if i passed you on the
street....
our eyes would even meet..

what a strange way to meet friends..
what a wonderful way to meet...them..too



and my fingers would reach
for the person on the street
not a stranger..
for perhaps in your step
your eyes..
and unheard voice
i would know....

it was you

November 1st




silence...
in that
sometimes.
we find what we are looking for..
watching the interplay of friends..
the words..on the cusp..
and we smile..
and leave...fulfilled..

other times..
we need to be knee deep in the topic...
and..shoveling as fast as we can..

November 5th




one small lick upon flint
and a huge fire can burst forth..

yet, sometimes in the striking..lies the fear...
the sudden pressure....
before freeing
the
celestial light inside
you



and in the night sky
would one star
twinkle as bright.
if the one nearest did not
reflect their
own
pure light?

November 6th




should i saute' your words..
a casserole...all layered.....delving..
picking apart with fork...and knives..
or slip them into my lips..
and suck them..slowly..
as in melted icecream..
feeling them...down my throat..
swallow with ease..

i never know how to eat you.
yet..i continue to nibble

November 10th




the cover
now tattered and worn...
finger prints where it was lovingly caressed...
pages brittle..
yet one..
turned lovingly down..
now....almost crumbles within my fingers...
as i trace each letter
of the words..
remembering your caresses...

November 13th




the river
course
banks flooding..
as the tide comes..surging...
overflowing...
standing in the middle..
feeling you swirling around me...
ahhh..
bathing in you..
total immersion of body
and soul

Nov 18









i raised the curtains
and looked out
and hoped to see the world
through
your eyes..
looking in..
but...
all i saw was
what i already knew

i should have cleaned the glass first




so i focused my gaze..
and in so doing..
realized the clouds
were changing..
the stars...seemed brighter..
and the cold chill of the air..
reached deep inside..
letting me breathe
clearer




i used to think
that when i blinked
the world
went away
and time stopped....

now, i know
it was only a myth....

well, until i
kept my eyes closed
too long
that last time..
i 'saw' you




this is why mine will never be poetry
i ramble..
i state things
the bare bones..
outline..
but..so frail the form..
that if others read with their eyes
they might not see
or feel
what was said..





and the sound
of noises
awoke
my physical body
yet
i knew
they were coming
from depths unknown..
within me
struggling
to be free........
i opened my mouth
and your name
i heard




i lifted my eyes..
so great was your brilliance.
i thought you the...sun..
until i turned..
and realized
only the reflection...
did you possess...
and the sun..
was in me all along




i dance to words
i feast..and
my mouth i fill ...
i drench and bathe in them..
feeling them drip off of me..
the way
you turn a phrase..
different than my lips have formed..
the way your eyes..
view what i over look..

ahh..words..to see the world you know so well

December 4




the faint
sound of a brass horn..
simple strains of
a well tuned piano
and the building crescendo
of your smile....
i hear you in the silence of my heart
beat

December 8




you were never mine..
to hold on to so tightly.....
it was only when out of the clutches of my hands...
i truly saw your beauty..and my heart leapt
to have known you
once upon a time



let my weak tune
wrap around yours
and..in that joining..
a strong..song
that shall never
end...

since the beginning was long before i knew
your part



i stumbled for awhile
unsure of myself..
until
the day came..
when i first heard the song
that now i know is rare...
but...
weaves through others too
and we
dance..the same steps
sigh the same sighs
and....
feel with more that our feeble human flesh



and i keep
hearing the song..
the song..
that i can not stop..
one that keeps going..
and each instrument adding..
the notes..
and it builds..and builds..
and i search for the source..

and it
is
you....

December 11




breathing your words into me..
it matters not the words..
the position of the letters..
it is that they are from your
core..
your center..that makes them..
so desirable to my lips..
tongue.....and soul




you have shared that which is most precious..
you have shown me ...me..
and the you
that is in me now..
and always was



reaching to you.....
straining..
to hear even a simple sigh..
breathing...
is a feast to my soul...



flames
licking the soul
flames
heating the flesh
flames
which have smoldered for weeks...now ready to burst into
flames higher..
reaching...
celestial heights

December 13




the words of many
each so unique..
i need to fuel me...
some so soft..
as a sigh..or a tear..
others..a yelling ringing in my ears..
yet...
i am not complete
with out them all




so nice the buffet of words
to find a phrase
a word
a single sigh
and from that..
find fuel to carry
us..through days of drought..
and famine..of soul..

to greedily heap into pockets...
to save for another day

December 25


i lifted my eyes..
and across the room..
caught sight of you
a swift glance..
yet...
in that instance...
i knew we would
speak..
for our souls.....
touched

December 26



You are the staff..
Come let my notes rest upon you...up and down..the scale..building.....to loud crashes...and then whispering softly the sweet refrain...
Caress each rest....
Sing with me the dotted quarter note...each..whole note....and hold them tightly..
For i fear, i can never sing them again...only with you
You are the paper, i am the pen.
Let my ink upon you dry slowly....and long lasting

You are the song....and i feel you in me.....

December28



and in the earlymorning
rising of the sun
let me ...
your beacon be
just on the horizon..
shining...
reflecting the day
in my eyes...
and shining..
where you awaken

December 30

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