Generally, when someone commits a crime, perhaps not at the time, but afterwards, they have some guilt over it. Even in a much smaller scale, such as telling lies, may even result in guilt. Guilt can often be used as an advantage, a very powerful tool, such as making another feel guilty to persuade them to do something. Or use one's own guilt as an excuse/reason from other things. Regardless of how guilt is used, I am sure it is universally agreed that it is a terrible feeling to have, perhaps ranking with the feeling of embarrassment.

As children, when we are taught morals, right from wrong, we accept them. Should a child do something "wrong," the child is ultimately punished, by scolding or spanking, depending on the parents' code of discipline and the degree of the wrong-doing. Eventually, when the child matures, s/he is able to judge their own actions. Should they do something wrong, they may not neccessarily punish themselves, but have strong sense of guilt within them. In some small cases, such as withholding secrets or cheating, apology may be enough to atone for the act. However, there are some that only involve themselves. Should this person hang around with the "wrong crowd" or becomes addicted to drugs, then who is s/he going to apologize to? Or a much smaller scale, if someone was simply cheating on their diet, guilt, too is often felt.

Though it may seem strange, failure can often be connected with guilt. In an obvious case, if it was teamwork related, such as th extreme of "Casey at Bat," Casey failed the entire team, which caused him much guilt.

Now, the focus on me, since it is "ABOUT ME," is how failure on oneself can also result in guilt.

It's not against the law to be stupid, but why does it feel like I committed a crime? It seems like everyone expects me to be intelligent although I fail to understand why. My guess is simply stereotypes. I am an asian female for one thing. And people that visit my web page think feel that I am a genius for putting together a scientific/mathematical web site. I shown to be creative, prudent, inquisitive, and possesing leadership qualities. This however by no means show that I am smart. Academics have never been, and probably never will be my forte. I often wished that I was better at academics(who doesn't), but I just can never seem to do well. My short-term memory is terrible, and my long-term memory isn't much better which probably explains why I'm terrible in things such as history and vocabulary.

One thing I always hated was that there were certain courses in which one had to work hard in, and others in which they practically gave out A's. In the academic world, there are many courses which are suited for different abilities. There is the normal route, honors route, and a core/basic route. The many branches are to allow the student to be challenged, but not overly exerting him/herself, and also not to feel too relaxed. I have felt that every course should be held like this, especially the ones that "give out the free A's," the obvious example being Physical Education (or Gym). Athletics is an area in which I naturally excelled at, but felt extremely bored being with people that were far from my level or didn't even know how to play the game. I would love to have an "Honors Physical Education," but without the additional weight/honors credit. Just to play a game at a higher level and actually be graded on skill rather than attendance and whether one changed into gym clothes or not.

Back to the issue of guilt and failures, this all comes back to what I did. For those that don't know, I am a sophomore attending college. My grades this semester is far from stellar. Although they never really have been, this is by far the worst I have ever had it (based on Grade Point Average (GPA), or just overall average of my grades). I knew that during high school, I wasn't working at my full potential, but was satisfied with what I was recieving, so I never had the motivation to work harder than what I was. However, arriving in college, I worked much harder and smarter just due the the environment and I know it will be a major deciding factor in my future.

Some courses were hard, that's a given. But I never had it so bad that when I recieved a 'D,' I honestly knew that it was the best I could've done. Just to give it everything you got, and to honestly and truthfully know that it was the best you could have done is a guilty, embarrassing, and paintaking failure.

This semester is was a hard one, but even if I achieved straight A's next semester I still would not achieve the average I was hoping for. Right now, I don't care to become a Finance major as I was hoping for (since there is a 0% of that happening now, since I will not fit the requirements unless I plan to take summer sessions), but just hoping to get into the business program.

There are many factors of my tough semester, but I've outgrown blaming others, especially since it will only affect me. My luck has always been uncanny, but it seems like it has just ran out.