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for people at the top of the road. I expect this was because it would have been very difficult for anyone to find their way to the correct boat from the road. Anyway, we didn't know that at the time so it did not seem odd to us that he chose to accompany us to the boat. We were one of the first arrivals so by leaving his post he was leaving a lot of people on their own. We didn't think it particularly odd either that he employed his nervous laugh a great deal. And when he first said 'They won't let you on board without a jacket and tie' we thought he was joking.
Of course he wasn't. I was okay (neatly turned out in a chic blue number) but heads turned when Tricky stepped into the cloakroom/bar area of then landing stage. He was wearing jeans and a top, the top being beige, a thick woolly material and with no collar to speak of, and quite long. Jez was in jeans and shirt and looking quite smart. It wasn't particularly that Tricky wasn't looking smart, it's just that he's one of those people who would exude an air of the scruffy casual in top hat and tails.
There was much hurried whispering between Bruno and various officials. 'Don't worry,' he reassured us, 'they'll lend you a tie.' So we had to stand about in the foyer while other, more sartorially acceptable specimens came along and made their way to the bar area for aperitifs. 'Go on, ask her for some ties' Bruno urged me at one point. I rather felt it was his job (as conference organiser and he-who-had-failed-to-mention-dress-on-the-invites) but I did my best. I could have cast them adrift and gone in for aperitifs myself (I won't deny being tempted) but one has to stand by one's troops in time of crisis.
All this got nowhere. I could barely understand the woman in the cloakroom (her French can't have been very good) but it was clear that she wasn't coming across with ties, though she was trying to be sympathetic and saying that it wasn't her, it was her boss.
It obviously pained her to have her foyer cluttered up. She was quite keen, I think, that we went and stood in a corner out of sight. When it became obvious that we weren't going to do that, she called us over to the counter and started rearranging us. She insisted that I give my coat (long black mac) to Tricky for him to put over his arm (I suspect she wanted to say head) and hold in front of him to disguise the worst blot on her otherwise immaculate cloakroom. She surveyed this new arrangement for some minutes, then we were called back to the counter. Tricky was ordered to tuck his top into his trousers. If she could have got out from behind her counter I think she would have sorted him out personally.
We remained milling about - dark glances being cast in our direction from time to time. All these dark glances were aimed at Tricky, but Jez and I were obviously labelled as part of the renegade group. It was apparent by then why no ties were forthcoming - we didn't have tickets. In fact, none of the conference people had tickets, we had all just paid the conference organisers (assuming rashly that they would organise).
At last (close to embarkation time) something happened as regards tickets. The woman in the cloakroom produced two boxes, one of ties, one of cravats. Which did we want? Tricky was very relieved to see the cravats. There are some tops that just cannot have ties put round their non existent collars and his was one of them.
'Cravat, s'il vous plait,' he said unguardedly.
What he should have said of course was 'Foulard, s'il vous plait' as the French for tie is 'cravat'. He got the tie box and it was too busy to try to retrieve a situation that, by then, did not seem worth retrieving.
Jez chose a plain blue tie. Tricky rummaged through the box and chose the most garish specimen he could find - bright orange and flowery. Jez was so appalled at the sight that he re-tied the thing around Tricky's neck. It didn't make much difference.
So it all seemed to be settled. Tricky looked a sight but then he's used to that and so are we.
Then the jackets came out. Blue and white stripes! Jez, who had managed to remain looking fairly smartly dressed to this point was transformed into a sort of Henley Regatta type. He might JUST have pulled it off had he not then had to stand next to Tricky - jeans, woolly top, orange tie and IDENTICAL jacket. They looked like a pair of knockabout comedians about to do a juggling act. I insisted on taking a photo.
Then we finally got through to the bar area. People came up to us and kind of blanched at the sight of Tricky and Jez. The worst of it was that some of them DIDN'T immediately burst into loud laughter and ask what had happened - they obviously assumed that the outfits were deliberate.
Then we got on the boat.
Then we set off and got fed.
The trip was very nice and the food good. Half way through, Tricky took his jacket off and hung it over the back of his chair. He also tucked his tie inside his top. No appreciable improvement in sartorial elegance resulted. Soon after, a woman came up and did a mime show at him. Resignedly, he started to put the jacket back on. However, it transpired that she had come to collect the jackets and ties and take them away which made the whole exercise seem rather pointless.
By and large, a good time was had by all.
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