Please note that any Freedom of Information search undertaken by our offices requires a deposit based on a simple but notable percentage of your net worth. Further, for any documents released to you, you will be charged an amount based primarily on word count.
Unfortunately, the information you are about to request is considered vital to the security of Central Operations, and as such, can only be released to properly contracted ETERNAL DAMNATION candidates who have filled in an NFOI666 form and had it witnessed by two other ETERNAL DAMNATION candidates.
This form should be brought to our offices between 11:48 pm and midnight on the night of a full moon. Please be sure to bring at least 18 pieces of photo ID with you.
It has been a pleasure serving you, and bring enough doughnuts for everyone next time.
