"Evolution would be a good idea right now." -- Alan B via THE ANNALS OF IMPROBABLE RESEARCH
"If I must drool, I may as well drool on cashmere." -- Jean-Dominique Bauby in THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY
"Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance." -- Plato
"Plato is a bore." -- Neitzsche
"Neitzsche was stupid and abnormal." -- Tolstoy
"I'm not going to get into it with Tolstoy." -- Hemingway
"Hemingway was a jerk." -- Harold Robbins (above literary brawl via Lee Clark)
"There's cheese, and then there's cheese." -- author unknown, via an ad in The Langara College GLEANER {and no, G.K. Chesterton said something else}
"You can't buy back your youth, but you can pay for it later." -- Jeff Stephens via Dan Howells
"The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do." -- from an anonymous fortune cookie via Esther Kho
"Playwrights more than most are not above throwing good wine or bad fists when the valueless offal they have vomited up before a credulous public has been exposed for what it is." -- Stephen Fry in THE HIPPOPOTAMUS
"Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say honk if you hate bumper stickers that say honk if you hate bumpers stickers..." -- Archibald Mumbull
"WEE HIGHER ILLITRUTS." -- Lee O'Tolstoy
"There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher." -- Flannery O'Connor
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx
"Years ago, it meant something to be crazy. Now everyone's crazy." -- Charles Manson (via Steve Miller/BORN TODAY)
"Here is a test to find out whether your mission on Earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't." -- Richard Bach (via Steve Miller/BORN TODAY)
"Safe sex is doing it alone and telling a friend about it." -- Peter Miles
"A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry and see a fine picture every day of his life in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted on the human soul." -- Goethe (via Mark Franklin)
"KARMAGEDDON: It's like, when everybody is sending off these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer." -- Wolf Olins (via THE WASHINGTON POST STYLE INVITATIONAL via Wolf Olins via Henry Postulart)
"A well-fed press always tells the truth." -- Michael Moore (via Peter Miles)
"Jesus is coming. Look busy." -- author unknown (via a button)
"THE WIZARD OF OZ - Ray Bolger, Judy Garland (1939) B/W, Color, Transported to a surreal landscape, a yound girl kills the first woman she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again." -- from the TV listings of a Marin County (Kansas) newspaper (via THE ANZA NEWS)
"... we are the future and we sill not let you butcher us no matter what you say no matter what speeches you make no matter what slogans you write." -- Dalton Trumbo in JOHNNY GOT HIS GUN (via WRITERS IN HOLYWOOD by Ian Hamilton)
"As I stumble through this life, help me create more laughter than tears, dispense more happiness than gloom, spread more cheer than despair." -- from THE CLOWN'S PRAYER (author unknown)"We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true." -- Robert Wilensky via Rhona Raskin
"One of the nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating." -- Luciano Pavarotti via Anna Simone Barrett
"It is better to be quotable than to be honest." -- Tom Stoppard via Anna Simone Barrett
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." -- Albert Einstein via Steve Miller
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." -- Redd Foxx via Steve Miller
"I require only three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid." -- Dorothy Parker via Steve Miller
"It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear." -- "Norm Peterson" (George Wendt) on CHEERS"There ought to be limits to freedom." -- Presidential candidate George W. Bush via THIS IS TRUE
"A girl can't read that sort of thing without her lipstick." -- Holly Golightly (Audrey Hepburn) in BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S
"What is written without effort is in generally read without pleasure." -- Samuel Johnson
"Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead." -- Gene Fowler Jr. via Steve Miller
"It�s not that I�m out of touch with reality. It�s just that I have a bad opinion of it." -- GP Greenwood
"When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half!" --Gracie Allen via The Royal Prune University website
"Love is a misunderstanding between two fools." -- Rufus Thomas
"It was my first visit in over a year, and he was so pleased he turned off the television." -- "Bob" in THE GIRL WITH THE BOTTICELLI FACE by WD Valgardson
"That�s the trouble with people who have nothing interesting to think about; they talk." -- GP Greenwood
"Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum (A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants)." -- Phil Proctor via NORTH BY NORTHWEST (and possibly via the MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW)
"Power is about what you can control. Freedom is about what you can unleash." -- Harriet Rubin via John Shinnick
"While waiting for the �right one� to come, play with the �wrong ones� for a while." -- "Karen"
"Sometimes, in the morning, it's just not worth it gnawing through the leather straps." -- Emily Gibson via Cori Miller (actually, according to Steve Miller, this one comes from Emo Philips)
"In some ways, we are more confused than ever, but we feel that we are confused on a higher level about more important things." -- AUTHOR UNKNOWN via THE CHITLET (Nelson, BC)
"It's not the men in your life that counts. It's the life in your men." -- Mae West in I'M NO ANGEL via Raphi Vigod (CBC) via THE GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS
"To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong." -- Joseph Chilton Pearce via THE ARTIST'S WAY
"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up." -- Pablo Picasso via THE ARTIST'S WAY
"Every day is painful, and then the last one kills." -- Mary Walsh via THIS HOUR HAS 22 MINUTES
"I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time, so I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance." -- Steven Wright via THE CHITLET
"You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm." -- Colette via THE ARTIST'S WAY
"It is rare that a man seen from behind can maintain his dignity." -- from NAPOLEAN
"...and then you have me, so to speak, where the hair is crisp." -- Psmith (P.G. Wodehouse) in PSMITH IN THE CITY
"If we don't hang together now, we'll hang individually later." --"Jodi" via Gord Freisen
"Rose are red. Violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic and so am I." -- author unknown via Valli Hilaire
"It's lonely in the saddle when your horse is dead." -- author unknown via Bill Ryan
"The first step to failure is trying." -- Homer Simpson in THE SIMPSONS via "pbsdonny"
"A good reputation is one of many tiny annoyances to which I have never been subjected." -- Oscar Wilde via Keith Wyenberg
"Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards." -- RA Dickson via THE GAMESVILLE TIMES
"Difficulty, of course, is not the only virtue of great poets. They give us passion, vision, originality. None of these the undergraduate poet probably has, but he can be difficult." -- Robert Francis in WRITING POEMS
"Success is going from failure to failure without a loss of enthusiasm." -- Winston Churchill via BANNERLIONZINE
"I tried Flintstone vitamins. I didn�t feel any better, but I could stop the car with my feet." -- Joan St. Onge via THE COFFEE NEWS
"I merely took the energy it takes to paint and wrote some blues." -- Duke Ellington via Mount Baker High School
"I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves." -- Bruce Grocott via THE VANCOUVER PROVINCE
"By the age of thirteen, what�s anybody doing? Stuff I can�t talk about here." -- Mike Bullard
"I wish I was a glow worm.
A glow worm�s never glum
�cause how can you be grumpy
when the sun shines out your bum?"
-- author unknown via Kate Bruce
