.:07.19.03:. Laugh or cry? Eighteen year-old Perven Hussein, a college student who has never dated, gives her advice on marriage:

I am 18; and the topic of marriage has been tossed around by peers and relatives. No, the topic of discussion did not apply to me; however, it did get me thinking about the person I would like to marry. Although my heart wanted to immerse myself in a perfect fantasy, similar to the fairy tales that I heard when I was a child, I know that marriage is not a fantasy; it is a reality. And real life has its ups and downs. So, instead, I pondered whether or not I was fit to marry. After logically thinking about marriage, I realize that finding the ideal mate involves self-restraint and self-improvement among other things.

In finding an ideal mate, no actual search is necessary; instead, it requires constant and consistent self-improvement. Many people search for years trying to find "the one," and more often than not, their search proves to be a failure. For instance, I know of girls who initiated baseless relationships with the hope of finding their dream man. It's almost funny what those girls did to get what they want; they laughed at jokes that were not funny, pretended to be someone they were not, flirted shamelessly and even dressed a bit provactively just to catch a guy's attention. As they got older, they found nothing wrong with willingly sleeping and cohabitating with numerous guys. To their dismay, their lowly actions only attracted equally low mates. After all that was said and done, these girls tossed their heads in frustration saying, "All guys are jerks." However, because of society's focus on relationships with the opposite gender, many fixated on finding a "soulmate," and the same vicious cycle repeated itself. According to ___'s frightfully blunt on-line text about men and their behaviors, "." Similary, does it not make logical sense that worthy significant others are attracted by worthy behavior? The only way to attract a woman or a man with beautiful characteristics is to make one's own character beautiful. Numerous times, I have heard girls gushing what they hoped for in their future spouse: physical beauty, fitness, intelligence, patience, care, humor, love, sincerity, honesty, strength, education, sensitivity, and let us not forget, lots of money. More often that not, those girls did not possess the same characteristics that they desired. It is common knowledge that people are often elevated to others who share similar interests, ambitions and characteristics. If a person exercised virtues, morals, etc, then, others who possess similar characteristics would be attracted by them. In addition, that person would come closer to self-fulfillment, happiness and contentment. In essence, by improving upon oneself, one will improve his or her spiritual condition and state of mind, if not improve his or her chances of attaining a desireable mate.

Second, one must exercise self-restraint in order to attain and maintain a mate. Self-restraint is a necessary part of improving oneself; in addition, it equips a person to better handle married life. For instance, a series of shows commemorating the marriage of Trista, The Bachelorette, and Ryan, her chosen groom, aired on ABC. Right before the two were wed, Trista and Ryan attended bachelor and bachelorette parties, in which both indulged in watching dancers among other sources of "entertainment." (First of all, watching such dancers immediately before getting married is a sign of uncommitment; it also seems to be a premonition as to how the marriage will be like.) Trista seemed to have no problem with watching her male dancers; however, upon hearing that Ryan was watching female dancers, Trista proceeded to cry and frantically look for her fiance. Because she did not exercise self-restraint, Trista became frustrated upon knowing that her fiance had indulged in the same actions that she did. Willingly or unwillingly, people are likely to mimic the behavior of who they surround themselves with. As seen in Trista's predicament, by engaging in actions, whether good or bad, it is highly likely that those who surround you, including your spouse, will imitate you. The reason why self-restraint is necessary is because regrettful actions leak their consequences in relationships. In another instance, a man flirted with a woman; upon seeing his actions, his wife grew angry and created a fight. Overtime, because of similar happenings, the husband and wife grew discontent with each others' company and prefered the company of strange men and/or women. As one can see, it is essential that both man and women exercise restraint in order to be better equipped for a committed, long-term relationship.

In essence, finding an ideal mate requires self-improvement and self-restraint. When seeking out a mate, one must become the person he or she desires. For example, if one desires an intellectual, then he or she should passionately seek out education. Furthermore, one must exercise restraint in order to create a more secure relationship. Perfectly put, instead of looking for love, why not improve upon yourself and make yourself worthy of love.

.:06.27.2003:. I would like to say that the influence of this on-line journal came from pop singer, Jessica Simpson.

A teen magazine article published several years ago wrote that when Jessica was teased during high school, she dedicated her journal entries to God stating, "I was like, 'God, you're my only friend.'" Although, at the present, I do not listen to music, watch television, nor do I admire musicians, I deep respected Ms. Simpson for upholding her religious values and seeking refugee in God during times of ease an times of difficulty. Thank you once again, Ms. Simpson; you are one of a few stars who choose to adhere to your religious duties rather than to succumb to the glitz, glamour, and temptation of Hollywood.