[Hal & Chana’s A/N: Welcome to the PPC Spin-Off approved by Miss Cam and made by US! Please R&R here.
And now for the wonderful Disclaimer: The Lord of the Rings belongs to Sir Tolkien, PPC to Jay and Acacia, OFUM to the fantabulous Miss Cam, HFA to Miss Meir Brin(further references will be made), and Hal and Chana belong to us, because we ARE them. The characters and actors don’t belong to us either, though we wish Elijah and Billy did. We are not paid(darn it!). Get it? Got it. Good.]
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[BEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!]
"
Great. It’s doing that *beep* thing again," Hal whined. "Make it shut up! We need a vacation. Seriously, if we don’t get one I’m going to complain to the Sunflower Official."
"I really wanted a nap, too. Well, how bad is it?"
"Chana, you’re not going to like this." She glanced at her in doubtfulness. "At least it’s not flamed, yet."
Chana walked over to the desk where Hal sat. "It can’t be that bad. Come on, let me see."
"It’s *interesting*. Arwen *mysteriously* is not in the story." Hal looked through the story a little bit. "Listen to this: Long dark hair, shining blue eyes, long thick lashes, high cheekbones, thin, delicate lips; sounds like a Mary Sue to me."
"Another one," Chana mumbled unhappily, pacing back and forth across the room.
"
We ARE in the Department of Mary Sues. I call kill on this one!" Hal grabbed the portal device. "Oh, and guess who’s our lucky bachelor-in-love-with-Mary-Sue."
"No Arwen, eh?" she paused for a second. "I say Aragorn."
Chana smiled evilly. This Sue would die. She personally held a grudge against anyone who *evilly laughs* about taking Arwen out of the story. This author happened to be one of them.
"What do you want to be?" Hal pondered for a moment. "They’re Rangers you know. I’ve always wanted to be a Ranger! At least the people at the bar or inn or whatever won’t notice us. The setting is very undescriptive."
"Fun!" Chana grabbed her Canon Analysis Device. "Let’s go!"
Hal punched a few buttons and a portal appeared. "Let’s just kill her quick."
***************
The assassins stepped through and arrived in Middle-earth. "Nice cloak." Hal pointed at Chana’s dark green cloak that drooped to the floor.
Chana raised an eyebrow. "Nice cloak yourself."
Hal glanced at her own cloak that made her look like an Elvish Jedi Knight. "I feel like Obi Wan Kenobi," she said. "This story’s pretty short, so let’s go now before we miss her." Hal pointed to a cloaked Ranger sitting in the corner of the bar/inn/thing.
"Right-ti-o!" Chana crept over to a nearby table.
The two Rangers ducked near Strider, reading in on his thoughts. "Great. Flashback time should be about: now. Where’s the Bleepka when I need it?" Chana mumbled.
The scenery suddenly changed into a flashback of Strider being held upside-down by two trolls.
"Using a scene partially from The Hobbit," Chana murmured. "Something for the charge list." She took out her Palm Pilot and punched a few buttons.
It was Rove who had galloped up on her black horse. She had grabbed him and nearly dragged him up behind her and ridden into the depths of the forest before the trolls could figure out what happened.
They had ridden for over an hour before she stopped. After roughly pushing him off, she too descended. She shook her head and her hood fell back, revealing that she was indeed a girl. Up till then, Strider hadn’t known the identity of his rescuer. Immediately, he thought her beautiful, much too beautiful to be riding through the forest by herself.
"
She’s a girl Ranger! A Warrior!Sue."Hal clamped her hand over Chana’s mouth. "Shush. Do you want them to hear us?"
"But Aragorn can’t see us. He’s a Canon Character and we’re not. We’re invisible to him," Chana protested.
"He can see us if the Sue spots us out to him. That would suck."
Chana blinked. "Sorry. We should get them while they’re alone here before they return to the bar/inn/thing at the end of *her* introductory. I don’t want to lose my appetite."
He swallowed at her close proximity. It had been a long time since he had felt this way about someone. "Rove..." His mind raced, trying to think of something intelligent to say. "Thank you for saving me." Well, that wasn’t exactly intelligent...
"
So now he’s an idiot. Another one for the charge list, Haley."Hal raised her hand to smack Chana in the face. "Don’t call me that or I’ll call you Garbanzo Bean…"
"Shush!" Chana ignored her.
"
I wouldn’t have done it if you weren’t cute." She stroked his face once more, standing on tiptoe to kiss him gently.
"Cute. CUTE!" Chana whimpered. "Oh dear Eru, who uses the word *cute* in Middle-earth? It’s almost as bad as *hot*."
On pure male instinct, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer and deeper into the kiss. Her hands ran through his hair, grasping handfuls of it.
Hal pointed her Character Analysis Device at Aragorn.
[BEEEEEP! Aragorn. Male. Canon. Out of character: 92.3% CHARACTER RUPTURE!!!!! Buzzz….]
"At least it didn’t die. Makes-Things would kill us if it died AGAIN." Hal raised her bow and arrow in the air like a gun in the Matrix movies. "Let’s hunt some Sue!"
The assassins jumped out from behind the bushes. Hal pointed her arrow at the Sue’s head while Chana unsheathed her sword to prepare to fight the Sue’d version of Aragorn. Joy, joy.
"You challenge me to fight?" the Sue glared at Chana, who had her Elven blade raised in the air ready to fight. "I’m the Ranger, Arriana. No person can defeat me!"
"I thought her name was Rove," Hal whispered to Chana. "Oh well. Another thing for the charge list."
"Lasto! You do not dare threaten my Arriana," Aragorn stated sternly. "You’ll have to go through me first."
"You can handle Strider over there and I’ll go crush Rove/Arianna."
Before Hal could say anything else, Chana had ran over to Aragorn and thrust her sword at him. Hal made her way over to the Sue with her bow and arrow pointing at Rove/Arriana’s head.
"The PPC hereby charges you with taking Arwen out of Middle-earth for your own pleasures, putting Aragorn out of character, being a female Ranger, using a scene partially from The Hobbit, using the word *cute* in Middle-earth, making Aragorn a complete idiot, changing your name repeatedly, meaning to write a love letter to Aragorn(you were going to!), and being a Mary Sue. Any last words?"
Rove/Arriana raised her sword in front of her to block all attempts for Hal to attack her with a sword. "You think you can defeat me? I defeated two trolls!"
"Stupid Sue."
Twang.
"A real waste of last words. Well, let’s get out of here and dispose of her," Chana said behind Hal, dusting her hands off. "It is so much fun to fight a Canon character. By the way, what are we going to do with her?"
" Let’s feed her to the spiders of Mirkwood! Due to geographical distortion, it shouldn’t be a long walk. I really want some pictures of the spiders. Jay and Acacia have got the ones of dropping the Sue off of Orthanc. We need some good ones too." Hal grinned. "We’re off to feed the spiders, the wonderful spiders of Mirkwood, tralalalalalalalala!"
"Stop that!" Chana clamped here hand over Hal’s mouth. "You talk too much."
"I try."
Hal nanced off mimicking an Elvish Mary Sue, and Chana threw the dead Sue over her shoulder. The assassins soon disappeared out of sight.
[Hal’s A/N: Hannon le! Please R&R! The 2nd chapter will be up shortly as someone finds a *cough* horrible fic *cough*. Go ahead and write flames, they will be used later on and given to as pets to my mini-Balrog, Rivendel.
This one actually wasn’t that bad. I think the flamers just hadn’t *discovered* it yet. The one chapter story was called ‘Strides in the Night’ if you would like to read it. I promise a horrible Mary Sue(s) will be next, okay? We love the hobbits, so if you have a ‘Sue that need to be killed that messes with them, send it to us. And now to the Korean Garbanzo Bean!]
[Chana A/N: By the way, Chana means Garbanzo Bean in Hindi(which I HATE to be called!). Not very creative about the spiders… Feel free to flame if you didn’t like it and we’ll try to make…improvements. And all Mary Sues that try to take Frodo or Pippin MUST DIE!!!!! Grrr.. Feel my wrath…Signing out! –GB]
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