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~ The Hagi ~

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It's Life and Times.

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Well as we move into Summer, Winter is fast descending in the Northern Hemisphere and the other day by chance I came across an article on the Haggis Season opening in Scotland. Those of you who may fly fish like myself are very aware of the regulations governing seasons and Haggis are no exception. According to Statutory Regulations the season opens at dawn on the Winter Solstice and runs for 8 weeks, penalties for breaking the rules have been severe, including jail terms in Scottish Courts.

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I can hear you ask, what is Haggis? Well it�s slightly larger than a rabbit with looks similar to a guinea pig but it�s most unusual feature is the different lengths of it�s legs. Front legs are much shorter than the rears so over many thousands of years of Evolution the Haggis have learnt to graze in herds facing uphill. This however coupled with the Greenhouse Effect and suburban sprawl has become it�s downfall.

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Like Pheasant and Duck shooting the annual Haggis cull in and around the Inverness region employ beaters on the large rural estates. The beaters march downhill waving sticks and making lots of noise down the scarps into the glens until they come upon the unsuspecting Haggi (plural of Haggisesessis). The Haggi, being very easily startled, spin 180 degrees on their own axis but due to their offset legs they tumble arse over tit down the hillside to the base of the Glens where they are clubbed to death by Game Wardens and angry Squires like baby fur seals on a Canadian Ice flow. Cruel but effective, they are then stewed and served with vegetables to unsuspecting tourists, plied with copious drams of Scotch Whiskey.

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Nature can be so cruel, if only they knew Bullshit up to your Sporran. Next Link: "Leprechauns and Tooth Fairies, do they choose paint schemes? Or is it Japanese Engineers on Bad Acid?" The Truth Is Revealed.

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