This line of text, written by May Pang, begins one of the most sensational accounts of John Lennon's 'Lost Weekend' ever recorded.
May Pang's book 'Loving John' has no introduction nor forward. The reader simply turns the front cover and on the very first page is confronted with an astonishing proposal that May Pang boldly states Yoko Ono put to her.
"Listen May, John and I are not getting along. We've been arguing. We're growing apart."
Yoko continued. "John will probably start going out with other people. I know he likes you. If he should ask you to go out with him, you should go."
"I can't," May stammered. "John's married. He's my employer. I don't want to go out with him, and he doesn't want to go out with me!"
"I'd rather see him going out with you than with someone else, someone who might hurt him." Yoko looked searchingly at May. "It will be great. He'll be happy. It's cool. Don't worry about a thing. I'll take care of everything...."
So May began "going out" with John, traveling with him, living with him, learning to understand the man the world loved.
Most intimately... Loving John.
And included as part of an insertion on the next page:
'.... the relationship between May and John was essentially initiated, controlled and then terminated by Yoko Ono.'
So began May Pang's seemingly uncompromising account of the 'Lost Weekend'.
May Pang, often brushed aside in publications about the Beatles, had finally raised her voice and presented to the world a side of John Lennon that had been kept hidden by the spin machines of many previous accounts of the Lennon/Ono separation.
'Loving John' exposes the "private" John who, as May Pang records, had problems living up to the larger than life image of the "public" John Lennon.
It is not an easy book to read, fans had a preconceived image of John Lennon. The previously accepted portrayal of their working class hero was being torn to pieces before their very eyes. May Pang wasn't pulling too many punches. We read of Lennon's insecurities, his alcoholic binges, his uncontrollable anger and violence.
But May's inner motivation becomes clear to those who wish to empathize. She presents to the reader a heartfelt love story that underlines their most intimate moments in a seemingly absurd situation. She recalls those times with an unnerving openness.
Those times certainly were not 'Lost'... in fact the very opposite is true. May's recollections present to the reader a time of creativity, a time of personal discovery, a time of fulfilling intimacy... a time of an unconventional, yet a very real, love.
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Naturally, 'Loving John' has not passed without generating criticism... some quite fair, some rather hostile.
If we accept online music forums host the most enthusiastic and knowledgeable of music fans, it soon becomes evident that, by and large, May is treated with both fondness and respect. The support for her is overwhelming and her motivations are rarely questioned.
However, May Pang told her story clearly understanding it would cause controversy. Her book was meant to be provocative. The opening text alone was designed to both shock and tantalize the reader into purchasing it.
Yoko Ono's media consultant, Elliot Mintz, regards May's account of her relationship with Lennon to be (as quoted in Ray Coleman's, 'Lennon: The Definitive Biography), "A contrived quasi-fictional scenario in an attempt to give form to a relationship that was not there." Mintz didn't even attempt to disguise his contempt, "I do not wish to embarrass the lady. She did a fairly effective job of doing just that in her own book."
Much bad blood had developed between some of the key personalities surrounding the Beatles. Alliances had been formed... the residue lingers to this very day. During this messy credibility war, many Beatles fans saw Mintz as little more than a hired gun employed by Yoko to discredit anyone who didn't tow the Ono line, therefore May was high on Mintz's list.
May's online detractors spoke freely, a controversial book will generally fire up more controversy. Why wait until the death of John Lennon to write such a book? Might Lennon have wanted to clarify, or even deny, some of the more outrageous incidents that May had documented?
Why write the book in the first place... to tell a love story, to set the record straight or simply to beef up a bank account?
Wouldn't the book have come off as being more sincere if written entirely by May herself? May Pang isn't stupid, she could have quite competently documented her account of the 'Lost Weekend'. So, was the pro co-writer employed purely to emphasize the drama, highlight the sensational... a controversial book would surely sell more copies than a timid, watered down account.
May Pang has always stated her relationship with Lennon was purely professional. She worked for ABKCO, the Beatles' management company, and was later hired as John and Yoko's personal assistant. Is it really possible for a young woman to be so cool and detached while constantly being so close to one of the most influential musicians of our times?
At that time, John and Yoko's marriage was faltering. Was May Pang secretly pleased for a chance to get to know John Lennon more intimately? Would she have made her move anyway?... a million other women around the world certainly would have. Can May fairly point the finger at Yoko Ono while leaning on her self perceived naivety, after all, she was now a professional young woman, not a star-struck teenager.
In spite of May's indignant protestations to Yoko, she did willingly concede, and was intimate with Lennon within a month. Had May's employer been anyone other than John Lennon, would she have still conceded to such an outrageous request?
And what of May's follow up publication, 'Instamatic Karma'?
On the Amazon website one 'Customer's Review' reads, "The reality of Pang's candid photographs show a happy, playful, relaxed Lennon, obviously enjoying himself amidst the uncertainty of the early post-Beatles years."
Most other reviews on the net clearly share similar sentiments just as the book intentionally promotes.
The launch of 'Instamatic Karma' once again fuels some dissension... Is May Pang now manipulating her story? Where are the impromptu snaps of John Lennon in a drunken stupor?
'Loving John' earned its considerable success by being a somewhat powerful expos�... Lennon was indeed often drunk and violent. May Pang didn't shy away from that fact... she actually documented those times in considerable detail. So, is it now more financially prudent to paint a somewhat less dramatic picture while promoting 'Instamatic Karma'?
So... is May Pang just another jilted 'gold digger' ???
Actually, the contrary is true... Lennon offered May Pang no financial reward whatsoever other than her continued salary for her professional position assisting him. Indeed, when Lennon finally went back to Yoko, he left May virtually penniless... struggling to live a basic lifestyle.
And, unlike many celebrities of today (e.g. Heather Mills), May Pang never sought financial recompense for her time with Lennon even though she contributed considerably, on both a personal and a profession level, to Lennon's successes during the 'Lost Weekend'.
May Pang's story will always provoke controversy. It was impossible to print such a dramatic expos� without expecting both sympathetic and hostile feedback... so let the dissenters freely express their views.
This site clearly empathizes with May Pang. It was not created to dwell on, nor to airbrush over, the controversies but to simply acknowledge them.
In spite of any dissension, or contrived collaborations, this site will clearly demonstrate the indisputable reality that the 'Lost Weekend' was a particularly creative period in Lennon's life... and that his work was greatly encouraged and inspired by the personal and loving presence of May Pang.