"The flight was uneventful considering Breanna slept the entire time. Brian and Nick left a few days ago to set up Breanna's new condo. I guess it came fully furnished. As for Kevin and Eve, well, they are in their own little world. It seems they are more in love now then they were before. I can't explain it. I guess it was in God's huge plan to have those two created for one another. I wonder what his plan was for me? More specifically, what his plan was for myself and Breanna? I can't talk to my family about this. They don't even know about the baby yet. And I can't talk to my sister about this. I don't know what to say to her. I love her but there are a few things in a mans life where he does not want the help of his sister. I can't even talk to AJ and I talk to him about everything. I want to work this out without anyone's help. It's not that I don't want anyone's help. I just need to figure this out on my own.

Breanna and I haven't even talked about the baby. Is it a boy or a girl? I would love to have a boy but something in me is craving a daughter. I guess I want a child who looks just like her mother. I can't get the picture of that little girl from my dream out of my head. Pretty green eyes and light brown hair. Maybe a few curls like her father.

What scares me is that Breanna isn't completely healthy. They found cancerous cells in the lining of her stomach. Does Breanna really have cancer? She's on oral medication, but what exactly does that medicine do and how will it affect our baby. I trust the doctors; they know what they're doing but I'm worried. I make myself sick by worrying. I've been worrying and questioning everything in existence so much lately that I don't even sing. I never feel up to it. I probably can't even sing any more! I sit around thinking about my life and everything and everyone in it. I'm almost 30 years old and things are definitely not as I had planned them ten years ago. I wanted to have a wife, three kids, a nice house, and a career that was still breaking records.

My career? I would give that up right now if someone offered me a healthy daughter and wife. Did I actually think wife? I'd marry her tomorrow if I could but for obvious reasons that's not going to happen any time soon if it happens at all. She's on level one while I'm on level two. We don't see eye to eye on anything and we never talk. If I start to talk to her, someone either interrupts us or she quickly changes the subject or leaves the room all together. If she starts to talk, she can't finish what she wants to say. Then, of course, I get frustrated with her and leave the room.

Why does she argue with me so much? If I try to ease the tension between us with a joke she becomes offended and hostile. Eve and Izabel both swear up and down at the it's hormones but I'm not sure anymore. If I tell her she looks pale she'll become sarcastic with me and say "that's because I have cancer. Chemo will do that to you" and walk out of the room. Doesn't she realize that it hurts me when she speaks as if she's dying? Why does she do that? Is she preparing herself to die? I will never figure her out.

We talk once in a while and when things become as they should, she will physically or emotionally pull away. Why is she so scared? We were perfect over a year ago. I never pictured this happening to us. This is something that happens to other couples. Couples without communication. Was that it? Did we slip away? Did we forget how to communication? I remember the last month we were together. We never talked, we only argued. If we weren't arguing we were having sex. There was no communication between us. If we tried to talk we ended up having a conversation about our careers. She's slowly started to slip away. I should have seen it coming. "We're finished, I'm gone. Have a nice life!" Those words ripped me in two. I was probably drunk for two weeks straight after that. AJ had to literally kick my ass to get me back into the studio. I threw myself into my work eventually. But now? Work is slowing down because we're all getting older. We have more time for the important people in our lives but is it too late?

I remember Breanna telling me that 'it's never too late'. I hope she's right. I love her. I love our baby. Those are the two most important people in my world. But, when will this work out? I'm looking at the calendar at the moment and it reads March 29th. How long are we going to go on like this? I have firmly believed in 'God's Plan' but maybe he doesn't have a plan for any of us. Maybe he gives us life and takes a step back to let us live it, judging us after we die. Maybe he only steps in once in a while when he feels like it to help or bless us. I'm starting to believe that. But, God, if you're reading this, please step in and give me the strength to be a good father.