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Today, after another interesting discussion with my WUT (Wise Uncle Tom), I came upon the realization that my life is exactly like a poker game. I was dealt my cards, (my age, personality, etc.), and am being asked to stick up ego as an ante. My social life depends on just how much I can sacrifice physically and mentally. I don't see a future for Jenna and I if things continue progressing like this. And it seems like she doesn't care much, so I don't think I really should either. I'll continue to be her friend of course, because she's a wonderful person to know, but I don't think we'd be an emotionally stable couple at this point, unless there was some drastic change and she made some sort of mental or spiritual bond with me that's unexplainable. I need to find a girl that I don't need to struggle with, and when I do that, the relationship will work. The same is true for all relationships, you should try it. I came upon the previous conclusion because of the situations today. When I passed by her in the halls this morning (perhaps she didn't see me, despite the fact that she made eye contact), she kept walking with her friends, like it was something odd to say "hey Bob". At lunch, when I was talking with Katie Robbins (Jake's sister, and my friend from Track), she of course comes into the conversation. We talked about Mardi Gras. I got invited by Veronica Johnson, she said I'd be her little boy toy for the night since her boyfriend's out of town. That sounded entirely too kinky, but it really isn't - I know her boyfriend well, and he knows we're going. I talk to him in Spanish on the bus and such, and he's a pretty nice guy - I think he trusts me. Anyway, when I mentioned this to Jenna, even though she said previously that she wasn't going, she declared that she is in fact going to Mardi Gras because, "Megan is forcing her to." I don't really understand that. I'm a firm believer that someone should do things for their reasons, and not for the reasons of those around them. Now that I see all these things, I wonder why I actually tried this to begin with. I would have been better off playing my cards as a single stud who lifts weight who does not want a girlfriend, and I intend on doing that this Friday night before the track meet on Saturday. I'm also running on Wednesday, just to let you all know. According to my coach, he sees a lot of potential in me, and thinks I can break 5:20 by the end of the year. That's pretty cool news for me. P.S. My grandma has decided to take no more medication, and to eat no more food. She's going to pass. I give it three days tops. She's a brave woman, and I love her, and will remember her.
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