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It all started the day I left home to get away from my family. My �family� consisted of my father, Jack, his wife, Annabelle, and my two brothers, Mike and Rob. Everybody but Rob hated me. I know what you�re thinkin�....she�s exaggerating. She�s just saying her family hates her to get sympathy. Well, I�m not. They DO hate me, as they have all told me many times.
See, my life was never what anybody would consider �normal.� My real mother was a teenager that Jack had been seeing on the side. When he found out she was pregnant, he beat her something awful. The beating left her really weak, and she died having me. This left Jack with a dead girlfriend and a baby on his hands to explain to his wife. Annabelle didn�t like having to take me in, but she couldn�t see any way around it, me being Jack�s kid �n all. She became very bitter towards everyone and everything, and both Jack and Mike noticed and blamed me. I�m just glad Rob was too little to notice the change in his mother. That�s why he liked me, �cause I was the only one who wasn�t always angry
about something.
Now that you know what I�ve lived with for sixteen years, maybe you�ll understand why I left when I did. All those years, Rob had been protecting me from my father�s fists as best he could. Jack could have killed me any number of times, if it hadn�t been for Rob. Everything was going ok, given the circumstances, until the day Jack went too far....
I'm still not quite sure what it was I did to make Jack so mad, but whatever it was, it must've been big, cause that night, he gave me the worst beating of my life. He was yelling the whole time about how I always ruin everything for him. It was his yelling that made Rob come to see what was going on. When he saw my face, (and I can't even imagine how bad I must have looked) he whipped around and left the room. I was yelling for him to come back, but he didn't hear me. About that time, Jack REALLY got mad, because he'd been interrupted, and he just layed into me. When he was done, I just sat where I'd fallen. I couldn't move. Jack spit on me and left the room.
I didn't even realize until the next day that Rob hadn't come back that night. The next morning, I still couldn't move, so I stayed in bed. I could hear Mike and Jack fighting, though. Mike was saying something about how I always drove people away. Then I heard Jack say "Yeah, but he was always a lotta trouble. I'm jist suprised it took 'im this long ta figger out she's not worth it." I knew that they must have been talking about Rob, and I was scared.
"Geez, without Rob around, there's nuttin stopin him from hurtin me worse. I gotta get outta here." I thought. I started to get up to pack some stuff in a bag, but the second I picked up my head, I knew I wouldn't be able to leave for a while. Jack had just hurt me too much this time. I strained to hear more of the conversation.
"We's gotta get out of here, Pa." Mike was saying. "If we wait til she kin walk, then she'll go find Rob 'n they'll git the bulls!"
"Ya don't think I know that, already?? I's woikin on it okay?" I knew this couldn't be good. Jack was yelling at Mike, his favorite son. (They both had a wonderful way of beating people up and scaring them into silence.) I just prayed I could make them think I was much sicker than I really was. That way, I knew I'd have more time. I figured it would take Jack at least a week to find a place we could afford, and another two to convince Annabelle to make the move.....but I was wrong.
Jack worked on convincing Annabelle to move all week, and all week, Annabelle said no. Finally, Annabelle surprised everyone by agreeing with Jack. My heart sank when I heard this. I had finally gotten my strength back, and had been planning on leaving that night. But my father worked quickly, and we were moving into a house in Brooklyn that afternoon, far away from my brother. To make matters worse, Jack gave me a room that was little more than a dressing area, and that, conveniently for him, could be locked from the outside.
So, that's where I stayed. Locked into that little room for days at a time, it became my home, and I'd always find myself looking through the tiny window in the corner and dreaming of escaping. From my window, I could see the docks, and everyday, dozens of boys were there, swimming, fighting, and having fun. I stood at the window and watched them, wishing I could join them. The few times I was allowed outside the room, I was still inside the house, and then it was only to help Jack for one reason or another. Even then, escape was impossible, for Jack watched me like a hawk, and let no one get near. And almost every night, Jack would enter my little world, and remind me how stupid I was, and how much better off everyone would be if I were dead, beating me as he did so. After a while I was able to forget what was happening to me. I would drift off to another place, where I was with Rob again, we were happy, and Jack was gone.
It kept on like that for months. Jack beating me every night, and Annabelle and Mike not even acknowledging my presence. As far as Annabelle was concerned, I was just a bad dream that she had awoken from. Too bad I couldn't wake up too...
The day I'd waited for for four months finally came. I was with Jack, and we were standing outside (YES! Actually outside in the
fresh air!) because Jack needed help getting something out of the wagon, and Mike wasn't home. He led me outside by the arm, reminding me of what would happen if I tried anything "funny". I listened and Jack and I unloaded the wagon. Just as we were finishing up, a small boy came barreling down the street. He ran smack dab into Jack and both went tumbling to the ground. The child was faster getting up, and was already down the street by the time Jack got back to his feet. I took advantage of Jack's temporary shock, and took off in the way the boy had come. I heard Jack's footsteps following me for a couple of blocks, then it was silent. I kept running, not sure if Jack was really gone or if he was just plotting something. Finally, exhausted, I leaned against a run-down building to rest.
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I remember, I was being lifted my strong arms, and carried for a couple of blocks. I was awake enough to know what was going on, but still too asleep to stop it. I remember being carried up a couple of flights of stairs, and layed on a soft bed. Then I fell back asleep, and slept undisturbed for a long time.
When I awoke next, I sat up very quickly, bumping my head on the bunk bed above the one I had slept in.
"Ouch!" I gasped, rubbing my sore head. I looked around the room, and there was no one in sight. The room I was in contained nothing but a bunch of bunk beds and trunks. I tried hard to remember where I was and how I'd gotten there, but couldn't remember anything. 'This cannot be good!' I thought. Suddenly I heard a voice behind me.
"Good, you're finally awake. You've been sleeping all day!"
I whirled around to face a very large boy. He was tall and well-built. He had dark, wavy hair and dark eyes. He was wearing well worn pants and a dirty shirt, and he looked like he would fight for and take anything he wanted. I shuddered.
"Who are you? Where am I? How did I get here?" I demanded.
The boy looked at me curiously. "Whoa, slow down! Me name's
Tracks, an' me and Red found ya sleepin' by da buildin' next door. Dis ain't da best place to jist fall asleep somewheres without someone watchin' ya. Youse could git hoit."
"There doesn't seem to be a safe place anywhere for me these days." I muttered sarcastically. The boy, Tracks, looked at me again before I went on. "So where exactly am I? How do I know that I'm safe here. I don't know you or this "Red" person. How do I know YOU won't hurt me?"
Tracks smiled. "'Cuz Spot'd have me hide if I lets anyone touch youse." He said simply, and shrugged. 'Like I supposed to know who this "Spot" is.' I thought. I was getting more angry by the minute, and stood up to leave.
Tracks immediately stood up from the bed he had been sitting in. "Where ya think youse goin?? Spot still wants ta tawk wid youse, and if ya don't I'll get soaked good! You wouldn't want me ta gets soaked, would ya?"
"I don't care!" I said rudely. Actually, I did. I knew what it felt like to get beaten for something you couldn't control. I think Tracks knew I wouldn't leave, too, because he just smiled again.
"C'mon, I'll take youse ta Spot. He'll tell ya what ta do next."
I agreed, and we were off to find Spot. We had walked a few blocks before I realized where he was taking me.
"Wait!" I said, stopping dead in my tracks. "Are we going to the docks?"
Tracks looked at me funny. "Yeah, how did you know?"
I had realized that the boys I had watched everyday from my "room" had been the group Tracks was taking me to. I had also realized that to get to the docks, we had to pass right by Jack's apartment. I didn't know exactly how long I'd been gone, but I knew it wasn't long, and that Jack and Mike would still be looking for me.
"Tracks, please, I can't go there!! Please, isn't there some other place where I could meet this Spot person?" I was shaking and close to tears, and I was mad that I was being such a baby. But I was thinking of what would happen to me if Jack found me.
Tracks looked at me for a long time. When he finally spoke, he was very quiet. "Listen, goil, I don't know what happened ta youse ta makes ya wanna run away from yer home, but is it da docks youse scared of or somethin' along da way? 'Cuz if it's somethin along da ways, we's can take da long way to da docks. Dat okay?"
I nodded, and Tracks led be down a back street and we walked for about ten more blocks, then turned and saw the docks. I was somewhat surprised at how many boys were there, and I wondered which one was Spot, and why I had to meet him.
I didn't realize that I had stopped again until Tracks reached back for my hand. "C'mon, it's okay, none of 'em will hoit ya. Spot'd skin em!"
I was curious now, and started asking questions again. "Who IS Spot? And who are all those boys?" We were getting close to the docks, and I wanted to know what I was getting into.
"Okay, all dese guys, meself included, are da Brooklyn newsies. Spot's our leader. I's surprised ya ain't heard'a him before."
"I haven't lived here long." I explained. I knew he wanted to know more about me, but I wasn't going to tell anyone anything about my past. It was dead, and that's all there was to it. I wasn't going to let anyone, leader or not, bring it back up again.
We reached the docks, and the swarms of boys parted for us. Most looked like they had been swimming, others like they had been fighting, and a few looked decent enough, given that they probably hadn't had a decent bath or clothing in a while. Soon we came to the end of the dock, with no one who looked like a leader in sight. Suddenly, a thin boy jumped down from a pile of junk, landing directly in front of me and Tracks.
"Dis da goil youse found last night?" The boy said to Tracks, he nodded, and looked at me, then back to the boy, whom I assumed was the famous Spot.
"What'd ya find out about her?" Spot asked Tracks.
Tracks looked uncomfortable. "Nothin, Spot, she ain't said nuttin 'bout her name or where she's from. Jist dat she ain't been 'ere long."
Spot looked mad, which made me mad. How dare he get mad at Tracks, just because I had refused to talk about my past!
"Excuse me, but if you want to know anything about me, you can ask me not Tracks. I didn't tell him anything for a reason, and I'm also not going to tell you. My past is nobody's business but my own, and I'd rather it not be dragged up again, got it?"
Tracks looked at me with new respect, while Spot just smirked. "Well den, miss, would ya at least be so kind as ta tell us yer name?" Spot asked.
"No."
Spot smirked again. "So, she wants us ta think she gots some spunk to her, huh? Well, yer little trick ain't gonna woik around here 'cuz I can sees ya tremblin!!" He seemed happy to know how scared I was. However, what he didn't know is that I was really only scared that Jack would look out my window and see me. He was right, though, I WAS shaking.
"Doesn't matta, anyways. See, us newsies don't go by our real names anyways. So we'll jist call ya Trembles. Ya DO wanna be a newsie, don't ya?" Spot said.
To be honest, I hadn't thought about it, but it WAS a good idea. I could be making money and looking for Rob at the same time. I smiled. "Sure, Spot. That would be great. You'll have to tell me what to do, though."
Spot and Tracks both smiled. Spot nodded and walked off, and Tracks came up to me. "I knew ya'd wanna be a newsie! It's da best job, ya gets ta make money, and ya meet lotsa neat guys. I think Spot's gonna have me teach ya some, den you'll go to Manhattan, and Jack'll teach ya da rest. He's da best newsie dere is, next ta Spot!"
The name Jack made me cringe, but I didn't think Tracks noticed. I was actually happy, more than I had ever been. I was finally away from my father, and I was going to make money and find my brother too!
The next day, Spot and Tracks accompanied me to get my papers, or papes as they called them. Spot was telling me all about the tricks of the trade, like exaggerating headlines. He also told me that I needed to work on my accent, which I objected to.
"Why should I have to change the way I talk? What difference does it make to anyone but me?" I asked him.
Spot looked exasperated. "Look, Trembles, everyone round here tawks a certain way. If youse don't tawk like dat, someone's gonna soak ya. Plus, it helps ta sell papes. Understand?"
I didn't. So I did what any logical person would do. I made a deal with him. "Spot, how about this. I sell for one week with MY accent, and if I'm not doing as good as everyone else, I'll swich, okay? As far as getting soaked, everyone knows that I'm friends with you and Tracks, and even though I haven't been here long, I know how scared everyone is of you two. Who would take the chance?"
"Da Delancys, dat's who. 'Memba, Trembles, dey're da ones we's told ya about." Tracks said.
"But they're in Manhattan. Please, guys? Just one week. Please?" I begged. I couldn't stand the thought of changing for somebody. It reminded me too much of all I had to change for Jack. Besides, Rob had told me that everyone said my mother had been educated and talked like a lady, and I desperately wanted to be like my mother.
Spot and Tracks looked uncomfortable, but they gave in. When we got to the distribution office, the newsies all parted to let Spot, Tracks, and me to the front of the line. Spot slammed his money down on the counter. "A hundred papes fer me, and fifty fer me friend." he said. The man at the window nodded and handed the papers to Spot. Tracks went next, and got a hundred papers as well.
For the rest of the day, Spot and Tracks showed me how to sell papes, and I even managed to sell all of the ones Spot had bought for me. I was thrilled! I had heard some of the boys at the distribution office saying that I'd never be able to sell anything, since I was a girl. I wished they could see me now.
We continued like that for around three months, Tracks and Spot gradually letting me go off to sell by myself. I had my own selling spot, and I was selling a lot of papes. AND I won my deal with Spot and Tracks. I had sold just as many papes my first week as the other newsies did, so I was allowed to talk like myself. I would often sell by myself and then meet Tracks and Spot at the docks to talk about what all had happened that day. Usually, Spot would be in Manhattan doing something, and it was just me and Tracks. Tracks and I would talk for hours, and we became fast friends. There was word around the Brooklyn Lodging House that I was Tracks's girl, which made us laugh, but neither Tracks or I ever put a stop to the rumors. I knew Tracks had a girl, and in fact, I was good friends with her. Tracks loved her dearly, and both Beth and I thought it was funny that although the newsies were quick to put Tracks and I together, they never thought of putting Tracks with Beth, who was always at the Lodging House talking with us!
Spot, Tracks, and I had just settled down to talk at Spot's part of the docks one day when a small boy came running up to us.
"Spot! Spot! Youse gotta come quick!" The boy yelled.
Spot looked annoyed. I hoped the kid would just leave, because I knew that when Spot had that look in his eye, it was best to just leave well enough alone. Apparently, this kid hadn't dealt with Spot that much, because he was now tugging on Spot's arm.
"Snipeshooter! What's yer problem?" Spot asked, jerking his arm away. "Cain't ya see I's busy?"
Snipeshooter looked terrified. "But Spot, somethin's happened!! Ya gotsta come quick!"
Spot stood up quickly. He grabbed Snipeshooter's arm and led him to the other side of the dock. There they talked quietly for a minute, with Snipeshooter waving his arms over his head. Tracks and I struggled to see Spot's face, hoping to get a hint as to what might be wrong, but his back was to us, so we couldn't see a thing. Finally, Spot turned and walked back to us.
"Dere's trouble in Manhattan. I gotta go and see what I can do. Tracks, take her back to da house, an' don't let her outta yer sight." Spot ordered, then turned and ran back to Snipeshooter, then the two of them began running towards Manhattan.
"What do you think could be wrong, Tracks? I've never seen Spot act like that." I asked. I was worried. What could be so important that he miss talking to Tracks and me, when he knew he didn't get to very often. He was ALWAYS over in Manhattan doing something, and Tracks and I almost never got to see him anymore. Plus, I'd been allowed to wander around by myself for the past two months, and now Spot was asking Tracks to watch me again.
Tracks put his arm around me. "I don't know Tremb, but it ain't good, dat's fer sure." Then he turned and we walked back to the Lodging House.
It would be a long time before we found out what happened. Tracks brought me back to the Lodging House, where we found all the other Brooklyn Newsies gathered. Apparently, Spot and Snipeshooter had gotten the word around for everyone to get to the Lodging House and stay there, without telling anyone why.
The hours passed, and still Spot did not show up. Slowly, everyone but Tracks and I fell asleep. We were in my 'private' room at the House. Since I was the only girl, I was given a fairly large room off to the side of the boys' bunk room. We sat and talked and wondered what had happened to make Spot stay gone so long.
Finally we heard Spot coming in. We stayed in my room, expecting to have him come in and tell us what had happened. Instead, we heard him come up the stairs and go into his room. Tracks looked at me curiously, and we got up to follow Spot, hoping to find out what had happened.
We walked down the hall to Spot's room, and Tracks knocked on the door. There was no sound from inside. So, Tracks opened the door, and we looked in. Spot was standing at the window, looking outside. Tracks and I went inside, and sat down on the bed. We watched Spot silently for a long time. Finally, I spoke up.
"Spot? What's wrong? What's happened?" I asked quietly.
Spot turned from the window and looked at us silently. He had been crying. That scared me more than anything. In all the time I'd been in Brooklyn with Spot, I'd never seen him cry. I jumped up and walked over to him. Tracks quietly got up and came over also.
"Spot? Please tell us what happened! PLEASE!" I was about to beg him to tell us when I felt Tracks's hand on my shoulder, pulling me back towards him, in an effort to tell me to back off. I did so, and Spot turned back to the window. We stood there for a long time, no one saying anything.
Finally, Spot turned back around. "Guys, dere's somethin' I needs ta tell ya." He said quietly. "Ya know dat I's been goin' ovah ta Manhattan a lot, and, well, I gots a goil ovah dere." If I hadn't known that something serious must have happened, I would have laughed out loud. Spot looked worried that we would get mad at him because he hadn't told us he had a girlfriend!
"Spot! We don't care that you have a girl you didn't tell us about. I know that's not what's upset you so much! Please tell us what happened!" Again, I felt Tracks's hand on my shoulder, and again, I backed off.
Spot looked upset again, and spoke slowly and quietly. "Her name's Bits, an' she's real pretty. You'd like her a lot, Trembles, if ya ever went ta Manhattan. She stays at da Manhattan Lodgin' House so's Jacky-boy and da rest can watch ovah her. She ran inta Mush and Race dis mornin while she was sellin' her papes. She said she was gonna met 'em at Tibby's and den she nevah showed up. After a while, dey got worried 'bout her an started lookin. Dey found her bout an hour lata, in an alley..." Spot's voice cracked, and tears shown in his eyes as he tried to compose himself to continue. "She was soaked good...all covered in blood, and not movin' or nothin. Dey took her to a hospital, but da docs don't think she's gonna make it. I don't know what I's gonna do if she don't make it! I's nevah cared for no one like I do her. I can tawk wid her bout everythin'! What am I gonna do?" Spot collapsed on the ground at our feet, sobbing uncontrollably.
I was shocked, and had no idea what to do. I felt Tracks's hand on my back again, this time pushing me forward. "Spot needs ya now, Tremb." He whispered. I nodded and moved toward Spot, kneeling down and taking him in my arms. He leaned into me and held onto me, sobbing, like a child would do to his mother after he had a nightmare. I just held him and looked up at Tracks helplessly. After a long time, Spot pulled away from me.
"I's sorry. I just couldn't hold it in no more. I just don't know what I'm gonna do."
Tracks took charge. "C'mon, Spot, we's gotta get ya ta bed. It's a long walk to Manhattan tomorra, and me and Trembles hafta get some sleep to, if we's gonna go wid ya." Spot nodded, and let Tracks led him to his bed. I was afraid that Spot would have trouble sleeping, but the second his head hit the pillow, he was sound asleep.
I got up, and moved down the hallway to my room, to go to bed, but Tracks followed me. I sat down on a chair by my bed, and Tracks stood next to me. "What is it?" I asked.
"I'm gonna put youse ta bed, Tremb. Ya gotta get ta sleep, cuz it's a long walk ta Manhattan."
"I can put myself to bed, thank you. And I'm not going to Manhattan tomorrow." But even as I said that, I was fighting to keep my eyes open.
My last statement didn't even phase Tracks. He just nodded, and picked me up to put me to bed. "Yeah, ya are. Now, go ta sleep."
I was going to argue with him more, but I was too tired. I drifted off to sleep, and vaguely remember Tracks leaving my room.
