Inspirational

Not Just a Game
by Francis Ian P. Lao

Over the past two days I thought about that phrase "It's just a game." What irks sometimes about that phrase, is that some of the people who say that to me have no idea what a game actually means to me. Let's take basketball for example.

I've been playing basketball since I was in 5th grade. Don't think I'm really good at basketball even though I've played for so long now okay? Let's just say that if my current self played against my junior high or high school self, my current self would be totally dominated. In other words when it comes to basketball, Old Ian beats New Ian for free.

Even though I don't play as consistently as I used to, the knowledge about the game that came from the experience hasn't been lost at all. I still know when to switch on a pick and roll, take the ball to the hoop on an odd-numbered fast break while looking to pass to my teammates running from the wings, the famous "3 Colors of Defense" I learned in high school, and other stuff. Of course, to the causal observer or to the newbie playing "it's just a game" but for some experienced, knowledgeable players it has transcended into more than that.

I fit into that category of experienced and knowledgeable but there was one particular moment in my life which made me look at "It's just a game" from a different angle and also changed the way I perceived it. Let me flashback to my freshman and senior years of high school.

During my freshman year of high school at St.Lawrence Academy, the boys varsity team won their league and made it to the Central Coast Section (CCS) playoffs for the first time in school history. There was so much spirit within the school because the team worked hard all season and to be finally represented in the CCS playoffs as the best team in their division was quite an accomplishment. For me, my junior varsity season ended but I was really looking forward to watching the varsity team play for the first time in CCS.

One day I went to go watch one of their practices before their their quarterfinal opponent, Mountain View High. Mr.Clayton, the boys varsity coach, asked me to practice with them and perhaps join the team since they might need a few more players for the playoffs. The look on my face when he asked me was one of complete shock. The chance to play with the league MVP Nat and the other starting four Austin, Chris, Andre, and Colin was just special. I mean there was so much excitement within me to play with the team in large crowds with the playoff atmosphere all around on top of that and not to mention the fact that there were going to be television cameras at these games. I knew I'd be lucky if I got in the games because I just figured I was just an extra body they wanted to have on the roster.

We won our quarterfinal game against Mountain View High pretty decisively but for the semifinals our opponent was Pinewood. They were the first-seeded team in the CCS playoffs and we knew our hands were full as the fourth-seeded team. The practice sessions after school continued as we were going in as heavy underdogs in this upcoming game. With the spirit and faith of the school behind the team, we were going to go in there playing our hearts out.

As we took the bus to the game as a team, all the excitement of just being there on the team was still up in head. I began to look outside the bus window not having to feel any pressure since I'd play little or not at play all and the fact I was a freshman with the rest of my high school years ahead of me. I mean not to say I didn't care whether we will win or lose but I knew that my teammates especially the graduating seniors got the team this far through the season and into the CCS semifinals. Just like anybody in the school who came out all the way to watch, I wanted them to go out on top.

Unfortunately, the game turned out to be a disaster. We were outplayed the whole game and that was the end of it. I don't remember the exact score but it was 70 something to 30 something. For me and my experiences, what was more significant than the game itself was the long bus ride home.

We went to the game as a team and we left as a team. The difference between the two trips was best represented by how dark and gloomy the bus was while leaving there. All the excitement was gone. It wasn't as noisy and rowdy as before. In fact, I don't remember anyone saying one word on the way back. A couple minutes from the time we left there, the silence was broken by sounds of my teammates crying throughout the bus ride. It was one of the most painful moments I have ever experienced with my friends and teammates in my life. The fact that we lost doesn't even compare to the fact that for some of them it was their last basketball game playing for St.Lawrence Academy. Whether the team had a good season or a bad season, the truth that that there was going to be a last game for them either way was inevitable. I just remember listening to them crying the whole time. What was sad was that I really couldn't absorb how they were feeling inside. I was just still a freshman with more games to play ahead of me. While it was just a game and learning experience for me, I respected how they were feeling at that moment because it wasn't just a game for them. It was their last.

Fast forward to almost three years later now in my last year of high school. It was soccer season in the fall and it ended up being the last sport I played for St.Lawrence Academy. I got to play the role of the senior now while the most of the new players on the team played the role of the freshmen. However compared to playing with the varsity basketball team when I was a freshman, the script was slightly different in the fact that the team was young and just wanted to win games and not think so much about making the playoffs. This team just wasn't as good as the years before. As much as I wanted to go back to the soccer CCS playoffs in my first year on the varsity soccer team when I was a sophomore, I knew it wasn't going to happen after we lost the first couple of our games. On a side note, we made it to the semifinals too that year just like basketball but we didn't win it all. Sucked huh?

My last home soccer game of my senior year was against Kings Academy. They were one of the two best teams in the league and they needed to beat us to secure the league title. I was one of the three seniors on the team graduating with John and Hiroshi. For Joe, who was the best player on the team, this was also his last game for St.Lawrence Academy because he was moving to Texas. As I put on my captain's band across my ankles on the field getting ready for my one final ride, I smiled seeing my parents, teachers, and friends coming out to cheer on the sidelines. It made the moment extra special for me. This wasn't about playing to advance in the playoffs unlike three years ago in basketball. Even though the scenario was different back then, it wasn't a meaningless game to me. The team was playing for pride and for especially John, Hiroshi, Joe, and I, we wanted to give this last game our very best.

The fact that we lost to Kings Academy 4-0 on their field earlier in the season didn't bother me at all. We came out aggressive the first half getting to the ball and winning the 50-50's. It was like I sensed a magical aura in the air from my teammates and since we all wanted this one. I ended up drawing strength from them even when I was out of breath and drinking water on the sidelines. I'll never forget that image of me always pouring water all over my head, with those drops slowly dripping across my face in all those games. It was then I had the face of a hungry wolf awaiting to get back into the flow of the game.

In all the games I have ever played in my life, this is the one that I will always remember the most. We slashed through the wind, slid on the muddy grass, and sprinted together down the field like birds flying in a flock through the sky. Going back to the first half action, one of two shots I had in the game was almost a goal. I was at the top of the box and saw the ball coming down on me. There wasn't a defender on me but I knew they were closing in so I had no choice but to one-time the shot which means that I couldn't stop the ball with the first touch and then shoot it with the second touch. I basically had to shoot while the ball was still in the air which is called a volley. The timing on the volley was perfect since I kicked the ball as hard as I could before it hit the ground. However my strong shot went a couple feet above the crossbar, nearly coming close to a goal and my team up ahead 1-0.

Before the first half ended, we were awarded a penalty shot since one of the King's Academy players committed a foul inside their box. My teammate Randy sent a low hard shot past their goalkeeper to give us the lead with the first goal of the game. Now going into the second half, we wanted to keep our focus and win it.

We didn't play any differently in the second half but one mistake cost us the lead. A King's Academy player sent a low bouncing shot to our goalie Hiroshi but he miss played it. The ball took a strange hop in front of hop, went through his legs, and into the goal. We were all stunned but we told Hiroshi to hang in there because definitely the best player on the field that game.

It was a see-saw battle the rest of the second half with neither team seizing the advantage. We didn't not want the game to end in a 1-1 tie and neither did they. Still as the second half was closing to an end, we were still playing the better game on the field. We wanted it more because we felt our pride was greater than how they were playing and their league championship.

I could hear our team's crowd cheering loudly pulling us for the win as we all walked to the sidelines before overtime. I'd never felt a rush of adrenaline pumping so deeply inside me before as I went again to pour water all over my head. This was it and as I looked into the eyes of my teammates especially John, Hiroshi, and Joe, we knew our time as varsity high school players for St.Lawrence Academy would come to a closure once this overtime period was finished. It was up to each of us how we'd want to finish writing the final chapter of our great Celtic soccer careers.

With the game on the verge of ending in a 1-1 tie, it was Randy who gave me the pen to hold and write how the most memorable game in my life would came to a close. I've always believed in storybook endings growing up and this was absolutely the only time in my life so far that I actually got a chance to write one. We were the underdog, they were the favorites, we were playing for pride, they were playing for a league championship, and so forth.

Right now I'm thinking about the ending to that game because after all the pen was in my hand right?

Our team was awarded a free kick near the right corner kick area on the King Academy side of the field. Randy was the one to take the free kick. The play started with everybody crowded on the front of the King's Academy goalie. Somehow in the midst of all the players on my team they were defending before the kick was in the air, they forgot all about me and I was all myself with no one around me. I just crossed my fingers that Randy would center the kick high enough all those players and get it to me so I would have a shot at a header against their goalkeeper.

Well it was luck that Randy did that. The ball sailed across everybody in front of the goalie box and straight into me. I timed my header, snapping my head across the ball, and when I looked up at my shot, it was almost as everything had frozen slowly in time. I watched the seams of the ball approach the net, going and going and going. I keep saying to myself "Please go in, please go in!"

The ball went past the goalie and into the net. I was on my knees, with hands on my face, and tears of joy going down my face. All my teammates piled on top of me while the crowd on the sidelines was in complete pandemonium. Looking up to everyone, I screamed real loudly saying that "We did it, we did it!" also knowing that I had written the perfect ending to my soccer career. I woke up the next morning reading about the game in the newspaper and all the excitement from the previous day had permeated across the school's campus. It was then that it hit me that all that had happened wasn't a dream. That moment was magical and was something that I knew I'd hold onto the rest of my life.

Sadly, that's not exactly how I wrote how the game ended and with the pen in my hand. I miss timed my header when Randy sent my the cross and I didn't get enough on the shot to put it pass the goalie. If I waited just a couple of milliseconds maybe I would have been able to redirect the shot to the far corner of the net since the goalie was in the center. With the pen in my hand, I shot the ball directly into the goalie and right after I heard everybody including me take a deep exhale knowing I came close again like the shot I had in the first half. To me, I should have had this one since it was a better chance but the shot wasn't the one that I wanted. The game ended in a 1-1 tie. The scars within me from that moment still loom to this day.

Everyone congratulated us for playing a great, well-fought game. It might have been the game I played my hardest in but I knew I had played much better in other games where I actually scored goals when the chances were there in front of me. Thinking about these past hours that had just transpired, it didn't quite hit me that the game was over until I was watching everyone go into their cars and leave.

Remember how I wrote about the long bus ride home earlier for those seniors playing their last game? Well it wasn't a bus ride around people this time around. However, this moment was likewise surrounded with darkness. I couldn't see anything as I took off my soccer cleats for the last time on this field and walked to the very spot I shot the header. I keep asking myself why didn't the ball go in and why was it supposed to end this way?

Even more than knowing I should have scored on that once in a lifetime shot that I will always remember for the rest of my life, I realized that my career was finished. Three years later after that long bus ride, I now was the senior who finished playing the last game of his high school career. I just sat with my back against that goalpost. And out of nowhere, I cried. I cried so loud knowing my career was over. Something that I loved so much playing and competing wearing the school colors of green, gold, and white was over. I felt that big part of me in playing soccer for my school was finally over. Finally, there wasn't going to be someone at school the next day consoling me saying that "It's just a game" and that "You'll get them the next time around" because there wasn't going to be a another soccer game for me anymore.

When I got to college here at UCI, I still loved soccer and basketball so I ended up writing several articles about the games for the New U. I knew I wasn't good enough to play for the school, not that I even considered it. Even as a journalist attending the games, I get flashbacks on each of those games I played in high school by watching our atheletes perform. These atheletes know that it's more than just a game with the whole school looking at them and them putting all the blood, sweat, and tears they had to go through in preparation for these games.

To this point in my life, I always carry that killer instinct when it comes to anything such as playing a game, taking a test, etc. While playing games and competing might not mean as much to other people I have come across in life, they still show as much pride and determination in things that they love and specialize in.

I mean I think each of us has something that we do that is of such merit and importance. It's what keeps each of us going in life. Take for example, a bio major who works real hard to get the grades she deserves and hopefully making it into medical school someday. For sure, I can't relate to someone who has to get A's to better their chances to going to medical school because I'm not a bio major who feels the pressures of getting admitted into medical school.

Take another example of a person who has the ability to paint beautiful murals. People who have these unique abilities do what they do not only because they choose to do it but because it means something to them. They don't simply adhere to "just going through the motions" in their crafts because doing so would mean they don't value their work as much. While the bio major and the artist may have different dreams and aspirations in life, what unites these two people on perhaps opposite ends the spectrum is their drive and their love for doing what they do. It's a big part of them and gives them their sense of direction in life.

Playing a game or any other challenge I decide to partake in is analogus to the painter and the bio major. Sure me playing a pickup basketball game does not compare in magnitude to taking a exam that will decide whether the bio major will go to medical school or not. The fact that I train for my games or whatever just as hard as the bio major studies for his or her exam, is what people fail to realize and respect. If both instances mean as much to the bio major and myself, then people would understand that it's a big part of what makes us who we are inside. To the eye of the beholder both are equally as treasured. Trying to do my very best and competing against myself through time is what keeps me going in life. Playing a game with great passion and energy is just one of the many manfestations of that and to this I still haven't played any less harder since my last soccer game in high school.

For some of my friends here in school, they value grades much more than I do. Sure most of them work harder than me and want it more than I do. For example, let's say I know someone who gets A's all the time and they tell me they get a B on a midterm. Do you think after all my explaining above I'm the type that would actually tell them "It's just a midterm. Don't worry about it." I wouldn't because as much as I admire someone who works so hard but couldn't get the grade they wanted on the midterm, I respect how they feel about getting a B because their grades mean something to them. Even for someone like me or anyone who can't relate to the other person, it's something that you have respect about the person because I'm sure you wouldn't want the same thing being done to you and the things that you hold value to in your life.

All I'm saying is that we all value different things in life and should respect what a game means to me just as a (fill in the blank) means to you. As you can see since the beginning of this freestyle that the meaning of "It's just a game" has evolved in a much greater context within several years in my life. After all each of us has something special we hold onto that helps shapes who we are inside as we go through our own life journey.