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Abuse by Pornography

You won't find any fancy graphics or pretty backgrounds and fonts on this page. The color is dark because the subject matter is dark. This page can be very upsetting or triggering to almost anyone. Please be sure you are VERY safe before reading it. It has taken me many months to write this page, I had to take it a paragraph at a time, so perhaps this is how it is best read as well.

��Creating this page is very difficult thing to do. Child pornography is a subject no one wants to discuss. It seems as though people think if we don't talk about it, it will go away. This is far from the truth. Child porn thrives on secrecy and lies, and it is only through exposing them will children be safe from these predators.
��It has come apparent to me the last several weeks that this problem is far from over. I may no longer be a child, but children are still being abused by pornography, and people are still allowing it to happen, as illustrated by the recent changes in the law in British Columbia, Canada. Click here to read more about that.
��It is because of this case that I decided this page was necessary. Although it is also a part of our own healing process, it is very important to us to educate the public about the effects of pornography on the child, and what special problems this brings to the table. One of the things I hear most often is that pornography does not cause the person viewing it to want to go out and do it. While this may be true for some, for others the opposite is true. In Fatal Addiction, Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family interviews Ted Bundy, the legendary serial killer. Ted Bundy tells a haunting story of how pornography changed his life and brought him to murder dozens of people, including children. While this case is but one individual case, how many Ted Bundy's are necessary for this abuse by porn to stop?
��Though these arguments against pornography are important, they often miss the point. Whether the pornography is harmful to those viewing it is the aftermath. What about those who produce, star, and distribute it? This is where the real tragedy is. Especially for the Canadian ruling that merely "possessing" child pornography does no harm. How does this particular judge think this pornography is made? Is it possible to "make" child pornography without hurting a child? Absolutely NOT. The argument that "trick" photography and other computer aided means can take a perfectly innocent picture and change it does not allow for the exploitation this presents. No matter how it is created, any pornography that uses a real child's image or likeness is exploitation.
��Let's step out of the child pornography for a moment and look at "adult" pornography. Putting the interview with Ted Bundy aside, why don't we look at the adult pornography industry? Years ago, a young porn star, who was well known in those circles, stepped forward and admitted she was underage. Everyone was shocked, many blamed her, and it seemed that nobody really looked at how often this happens. It is all to frequent, we simply do not hear about it because few make it to the "stardom" that this young girl had. This does not make it a rare occurrence. I am one of those who was involved in pornography as a teenager, and passed off as an adult. Beginning when I was 13 or 14 years old, and ending when I was about 19, I was in many films and pictures. There are more pictures of me as a younger child, but from about 13 years of age I was being used for the adult porn industry. Was this my choice? NO! I was being forced by my own parents to participate in this industry. They strictly controlled my life, because I was worth money to them. At 17, I admit that I went and got a job as a topless dancer, lying about my age. However, I was led to believe that this was all I would ever be able to accomplish. That was my reality.
��I am not an exception, most of the girls I worked with were from 15 to 17 years old. The clubs did not care if we were underage as long as we brought in the money; nothing else mattered. Many of today's runaways and most vulnerable children are used in this manner. They are tricked and exploited, and they stay because it gives them a "family". The industry is much like a gang, there is closeness to the group, but it is so very damaging to the psyche, not to mention the body. Attempting to extract yourself from this "family" is often very hard to do, and can lead to loss of life. Many may think I am being over dramatic in that statement, but I assure you it is real. Getting out is far more difficult than getting in. You are not viewed as someone who can make his or her own decisions, in fact, you aren't considered a person at all, you are property.
��This is the other side of the pornography coin, and the one that gets overlooked many times when discussing this subject. Those making these films and pictures are often not doing so as consenting adults. Beatings were more often than not the punishment for not making it look "real". Food intake is strictly controlled so that you do not gain too much weight. For us that sometimes meant being locked in a dog kennel for 3 days, given nothing but water, and having no place but the kennel to use for a bathroom. When these types of things define your life from an early age, there comes a point when you just don't care anymore. To care would mean being vulnerable to what was happening, so you become callous to the suffering going on around you. For some, like me, there is a shifting of this callousness as we find healing from our past abuses. Unfortunately, for others, it means just the opposite, they become violent and destructive, without remorse, because they have no capacity to care.
��I do not know when the abuse by pornography began for me. I have faint recollections of being 7 or 8 years old and being in a closet or small room with hundreds of pictures of children. All of them nude. I have a few other very faint memories from before age 13, but mostly what I remember took place after that age. My family was very involved in the industry, and even had their own production company, which produced non-pornographic, low-budget films and shorts to cover the more lucrative business underneath. Most of the pornography was made here, then shipped overseas for editing and packaging, then sold. Although most was sold in other countries, some of it wound up back here as well, and I have even seen some of it myself in adult bookstores. My own movies, which I wish I could rip off the shelves and burn. However, that would require being more vocal than I am willing to be. My family trained me well, I will not speak out about them publicly, with names, dates, etc., because I am afraid. I will not sue these people who produce this trash, because I am not equipped to handle the aftermath. However, this page is my story, and therefore my way of speaking out.
��It is my hope that by giving you the information, in telling my story, that you will fight against pornography in your own community, and against such decisions as the one in British Columbia, Canada. It is only through the outrage of the citizens and the vocal lobbying groups that change will come. Many people ignore the porn industry, often erroneously believing that it is about consenting adults and what they want to do with and to each other. It is my hope that this story has changed your ideas about this, and perhaps you have come to realize that pornography is far more damaging than you may have otherwise believed. By showing you the other side of the business, perhaps I have caused you to question your beliefs on the subject. There are no victimless crimes in pornography. It cannot be produced, distributed, or viewed without harm. Someone is hurt by it, and in this story, that someone was I. Not just some faceless victim, but a real live person. I am a victim of pornography.
The Village

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