once upon a time, there lived a young woman named sylvia. sylvia was going to have a baby. the baby she did not want. the day came for the baby to be born, and sylvia gave the child to the Other One and the Man. the Other One and the Man called the child ruth. they took child ruth home with them, and placed in her a wooden bed with rails. child ruth was a very loud baby, letting her needs for food and warmth and dryness be known. the child ruth lived in a land of her own at this time, and the Other One and the Man the only ones she knew. i can only give you what the child has given me, she had no words to convey the terror she endured, no words for black or pain or hunger. i can only share with you the pictures she gave me. the Other One could not stand to hear the cries of the child ruth and would place a large pillow upon her face to quiet her. the child ruth did not have words for breath or dark, only she knew the terror of not getting air. the Other One would hold the pillow there until there was no breath for screams, and at the last minute, before the child ruth's world went dark, the pillow would be removed. the child ruth also was thrown upon the rails of the wooden bed. her pictures convey to me punches, hits, angry words with no meaning, only the feelings of unwantedness left behind. the Man spoke quiet, offered warmth, but when the Man removed the wet, the pain would come. one day a gray-haired lady appeared. the gray-haired lady took the child ruth in her arms, fed her warmth from the bottle, changed the wet without pain, rocked the child ruth in safety and warmth and comfort. the child ruth did not understand, she only knew she never wanted the gray-haired lady to leave, but alas, she did, and the child ruth was faced with the Other One again. every so often the gray-haired lady would return, rocking, loving, warm. the child ruth learned to smile at the gray-haired lady, and the gray-haired lady would smile back. the child ruth wanted to stay with the gray-haired lady, but she always left the child ruth with the Other One sooner or later. one day, as the Other One threw the child ruth against the rails of the wooden bed once again, the child ruth saw the gray-haired lady behind her eyes, and felt the hands of the gray-haired lady around her, the warmth of the body pressed in protecting her. the child ruth could see the Other One grab the pillow, place the pillow over her face, she could see the Other One throw the her against the rails of the wooden bed, could see the anger, but the child ruth could only feel the warmth of the gray-haired lady. from that day on, whenever the Other One or the Man came to bring pain, the child ruth would retreat into the arms of the gray-haired lady behind her eyes, and watch as the hurt happened, but she did not feel it. Before long the child ruth could no longer even see the hurt happen, for the child ruth had made the Silent One. the Other One and the Man did like the cries of the child ruth, so the Silent One came, who never cried. the Silent One stared upon the world with terror filled eyes, and sometimes whimpered, but she never cried, and the Other One caused less pain. the Man still came to cause hurt when he removed the wet, but the Silent One endured that also, while the child ruth retreated to the arms of the gray-haired lady behind the eyes. sometimes the real gray-haired lady would come and the child ruth would add more features to the gray-haired lady behind the eyes. the child ruth grew and learned to walk and to talk. this posed a problem, for the Other One did not like the child ruth to talk much, and the Silent One talked very little and not smart. the Other One wanted the child ruth to be smart, not say inane things that a child would say, but say smart intellingent things. the Silent One was silent, so in this the child ruth brought forth the Smart One. the Smart One could talk smart, learned to read quickly, and the child ruth's body was only three years old. the Smart One pleased the Other One and the Man, but again there was a problem. the Smart One could endure no pain. she could read, she could talk smart, but she could not take the pain inflicted upon her by the Other One and would retreat, leaving the Silent One or the child ruth. the child ruth spent more and more time with the gray-haired lady behind the eyes, and the Silent One was running now, and there again was a problem. one day a terrible thing happened. i cannot tell you what the terrible thing was, for i do not know, the child is unable to show me. however, on this day when the terrible thing happend, the child ruth retreated to the arms of the gray-haired lady forever, and a new one came. the new one was now called Ruth, and she was both some smart and could endure some pain, so she was perfect. the Smart One also retreated, as did the Silent One. the gray-haired lady thought this all very confusing, so she gave them names. the child ruth who had come to her arms she named Sabrina. the Smart One was now Rina, and the Silent One now known as Ariana. The child now on the outside was to now be known as Ruth, and the gray-haired lady gave herself the name LeaAnne. this brought about some order and the new child known as Ruth seemed to fill the position well, for a time. soon there was another problem and more were established to take the roles as they were needed, but that is another story. i do not really know where all this comes from. i have spent time with each on the inside willing to share with me, including the child ruth now known as Sabrina, and this the picture that emerged. the terror in the Silent Ones eyes, now Ariana, is so much more visible now. the silence in which she has lived in brings tears to my own eyes, for her terror is locked inside, where she relives it daily, and only her eyes show the pain. there is no release for her. there must be a way to let her release that, but my young mind does not come up with anything. her very existance is based in on the silence, the only way in which she stopped the suffocation of our very life. how does this young one come to release the terror within? she does not grow. the others inside learn, including Sabrina, and they grow, but this silent one only stares with wide eyes filled with horror and fear, locked up deep inside with pictures only she can see. my own heart cries out for her.
cassy
Copyright � 1999 The Village
