By Micki L. Bailey

From the study where she sat, Maggie could hear Roger and Earl Ray talking – almost every word they spoke. And from what she could determine, it was all just "guy" talk about sports and cars, etc., while they watched Sunday afternoon football. So she had only a small portion of her brain focused on their conversation. About five percent was sufficient.

She was at the PC sending e-mail to family members. Even though this was something Roger strongly discouraged. "Those things are easily traced back, right to the computer’s physical location, Maggie," she recalled him saying. "If somebody’s looking for us, we’d be sitting ducks in a heart beat, baby."

Yeah, yeah had been her unspoken response. She was annoyed with and tired of the enforced secrecy she constantly lived in. And she was sick of remembering that someone may be "looking for" them. She had begin to feel weary of the tedious hiding tactics and craved a life slightly more "normal."

In a ferocious whirlwind, we packed up everything and fled to the FAR northwest corner of the US, she thought. With the exception of Alaska, we couldn’t have gone much further without leaving the damn country. Now we’ve immersed ourselves in this huge, diverse city, and I’m doing my damnedest to make the best of it. All I want is a little more of the "ordinary" quality we used to have in our life. You know, to be "average" again. I think I need that to stabilize myself.

All of this circulated through her mind as she typed her correspondence. She smiled as she savored the memory of their former life, back in the town where they’d met. The town where she’d first been married to Earl Ray – until she’d found Roger and knew immediately that he was "the one." The town where her restaurant had been.

Ah, her restaurant. The Sanctuary. Did she miss it and all the fun times that happened there? God, yes. Terribly. Those had been "the days," as they say.

Then, strangely and coincidentally, the mail notification sound on the computer jolted Maggie out of her mind’s recesses and back into the study. She had a new message. It was from Benjamin, and she smiled again while she imagined his silky smooth voice verbalizing the words she was reading.

"Hi, Maggie. Hope you’re well. It was so very lovely to see you again Friday night and to finally meet that extremely fortunate man you call your husband. I’m pleased that the two of you enjoyed your dinner. Thanks, too, for the outstanding Cajun seasoning recipe. The kitchen will greatly appreciate it. Take care, and I look forward to seeing you soon. Benjamin K."

He was so suave and diplomatic. How could anyone resist his warmth and charm? Not to even mention his refined handsomeness. He was always perfectly gracious and engaging with all the diners who visited his restaurant. Almost to the point of being enchanting.

Even Maggie herself had fallen under his spell of intrigue over the past few weeks. She had convinced herself that the allure lay solely in Park Palisades and Benjamin’s open willingness to share it with her. Yes, she had passed a lot of the dreary time while Roger was gone in the elegant restaurant’s kitchen, avidly watching and even assisting with the cooking tasks she missed so much from The Sanctuary.

She had not, however, convinced Earl Ray that Benjamin’s attentions and benevolence were purely platonic and intended only to satisfy her longing to be involved with a restaurant again. He was confident that Katz’s motivations were of a sexual variety and that such should be obvious to Maggie.

"Mind your own business, Earl Ray," she had told him when he bugged her about it for the umpteenth time.

"Sweetheart, until your ol’ man comes back home, you are my business. Remember? And what’s he gonna say if I let some strange new fella sweep you off your feet, huh?"

Maggie had smirked. "Benjamin’s only patronizing me……….letting me play in his kitchen……..and that’s all."

Earl Ray had decided not to hopelessly argue with her. "Whatever you say, baby………Just be careful."

Yeah, yeah once again. Katz was simply a kind and generous man who Maggie felt comfortable around. Never had he acted improperly with her, and she detected nothing other than friendliness in his disposition. And besides, she had eyes only for that extremely fortunate man she called her husband, the husband who had actually been glad that she’d found a pleasant way to occupy her time while he was away.

Oh, but Roger was away no longer. He’d been back from his "mission" for almost a week now, and he had hardly let Maggie out of his sight. Not that she minded, of course. She was a more than willing participant in all the gentle love-making, the torrid sex, the tender moments of just being together and talking quietly. The sweet catching-up process of re-injecting themselves with each other after a two-week drought.

She sat back in the chair and removed her hands from the keyboard as the memory of the first night he was home rolled through her mind. He hadn’t devoured her with wild abandon as she’d expected him to do, as she had wanted to do to him. Instead, he’d lain down beside her on the bed and propped himself up on his elbow to observe her, all of her, slowly moving his eyes over her body.

After a few moments, he carefully but not hurriedly lifted her short gown up over her waist to reveal her lacy panties. Then he’d easily slipped his fingers just under the lace that covered her crotch and stroked it between his fingers and thumb. "Ahhh, I missed this," he whispered. "I missed you." And that was all the talking that occurred in their bedroom for the next hour.

Maggie had sensed in him a renewed passion since he’d returned from helping Vinnie – a fervent attentiveness and genuine affection. It was as if he’d been given a second glimpse at his old perilous and unpredictable way of life but had decided that he liked this side of the fence better now and wanted to prove that to her. Or to himself.

She was overjoyed still that he was home and safe. He seemed none the worse for whatever he’d experienced while fighting crime over on the other coast, and he’d chosen to not reveal all the details to her. That was just as well too. She’d already spent two seemingly endless weeks plagued with worry about him. If she discovered now that his life had been jeopardized at all, her anxiety might drown her.

Spending time at Benjamin’s Park Palisades had relieved tons of agitation and fret for Maggie. Accepting his invitations was a welcomed outlet for the tension she felt.

After an in-depth "insider’s" tour of the whole place from him, she had been given free access to the kitchen where she happily observed the goings-on for a while. But as is the case with much of life, when they find out that you are capable, they put you to work. And she greedily accepted tasks and challenges. This lead to Benjamin asking her to fill in when she could, and he even put her on the part-time payroll.

After Roger returned home and learned of her new diversion and her new friend, he seemed pleased that she’d found a satisfying form of entertainment. And as far as she could tell, he did not share Earl Ray’s concern that her new friend had designs on her. Of course, he’d only met Benjamin once, when they had dinner at the restaurant Friday night.

Maggie listened to the "boys" talking now in the other room. She recalled a time in the not so distant past when they refused to communicate civilly. Because of her. And now here they were getting along merrily just like the old buddies they once were. Again, because of her. I’m lucky beyond words, she thought, to have two capable, strong men looking out for my welfare. And not even competitively anymore.

"Naw, man. I been looking at that big Navigator that Lincoln’s got now. It’s a mother of a truck," Earl Ray was saying as she walked into the room where they were.

"I still like that Toyota Land Cruiser," Roger said. "Or the Lexus."

Earl Ray laughed. "Sure, Roger. You’d go for the fifty thousand dollar babies………No problem for you."

"Why are you trading anyway, Earl Ray? The Explorer’s only about four years old, right?" Maggie interjected. And they both turned to look at her.

"Yeah, Maggie, but it’s got 192 million miles on it, darlin’," he answered. Roger laughed quietly.

"I think those Expeditions Ford makes are sharp. They’re huge too, since you’re talking ‘bout large ones," she added.

Instead of answering her, Earl Ray asked her a question. "Maybe that’s what you should get with your insurance money, sweetheart. A big ol’ SUV so you can tool ‘round town towering over everybody……….You decided yet what you want to replace that trashed Saab?"

Roger laughed again, a little louder this time. "She ain’t gonna replace anything as long as she can drive my Benz! She’s damn spoiled!"

Maggie glared at him, sensing a gang-up on herself. "And whose fault is that, Roger? Hmm? You said I could drive it as long as I wanted." She didn’t go on to say that, in her opinion, the only thing better than driving his Benz was watching him drive it. Oooo lah lah.

"Baby, you know you’ve adopted that car, and you ain’t thinking ‘bout getting yourself another one." Roger grinned and winked at her.

"You don’t want me to drive it, you just say the word……..I’ll take cabs everywhere………asshole," Maggie said with a tiny hint of hurt in her voice.

"Or you can just get Benjamin to send his car ‘round for you, huh, Maggie?" Earl Ray laughed and reached for his beer. He looked up at Roger. "You seen that guy, man? Over at Maggie’s new hangout?"

Roger narrowed his eyes slightly, looking at Earl Ray. "Yeah, Friday night……….Looked like just some rich Jew with his own restaurant to me………..No big deal."

Earl Ray laughed again. "No big deal except that he’s hot for YOUR wife!

Roger cut his piercing eyes in her direction as he replied. "Ya don’t say?"

Looking at both of them indignantly, Maggie huffed. "Oh, c’mon, Earl Ray! That’s such bullshit! Roger, did you get any sense of that the other night?"

"What’s he gonna do, baby? Walk up and whisper to me that he wants in your pants?" Roger raised his eyebrows quickly, and Earl Ray snickered.

"No, Roger." She sighed as if trying to be patient with two unruly kids. "And could you be just a little bit more of a prick?"

"Has he got a thing for ya or not, honey?" Roger pursed his lips.

"He’s just a nice guy, okay? Could ya leave it alone?" She was getting a bit tired of standing there in front of these two assholes explaining herself.

"Hey, Roger. You’d better watch out for this one. He might be richer than you, man." Earl Ray laughed.

Roger smiled for a second. "Hell, he might be…….um…….bigger than me in more areas than that……….and we both know the quickest to her heart." He pretended to stifle an outburst of laughter. And Earl Ray, of course, joined him in the charades.

Maggie just didn’t feel like hanging around to fight them in this little battle. She seceded with a parting shot. "Fuck you both," she snarled.

Earl Ray was quick with a comeback. "That’s old news for you, ain’t it, sweetie pie?" And the two kids laughed again.

Maggie felt a small explosive detonate inside her, but she responded coldly, "Dickheads." Then she turned her back to them and exited with graceful lightning.

Roger watched her until she was out of sight and then looked back at Earl Ray. He raised his eyebrows quickly again as if to say, "Oops!" Then he put his attention back on the football game on TV, as did Earl Ray.

About twenty minutes later, during a commercial, Roger stood up. "Need another beer, man?"

Earl Ray picked up his empty bottle. "Sure, if ya don’t mind."

When Roger brought a fresh beer and set it down on the coaster, he said, "Be right back."

Chuckling, Earl Ray said, "You’re whipped, man."

Turning around slowly, Roger peered at him through squinted eyes. "And where was that you used to live, Earl Ray? Somewhere in Arizona?"

Earl Ray conceded with a laugh. "Okay, okay………Tell ‘er I’m sorry."

Roger left him and walked quietly to the rear of the loft. He found her in the study, at the PC. She was staring at the screen and typing away diligently. He bent down beside her and rested his forearms on her jeaned thigh.

"Whatcha doing, sweets?"

"E-mailing, Roger. Leave me alone." She didn’t glance away from the screen or even slow her typing.

He slid his right hand across her belly and over to her other thigh. "You pissed at me?" His words were soft and delicate.

Still without refrain, Maggie said, "No……..Please go away now."

"I’m sorry if we were a little rough on ya, baby."

Now she stopped. And looked down at him sharply. "I……..am………busy……..Go back to your guest and your football game………Is that clear enough for you?"

Roger lowered his head and laughed without making a sound. He kissed her leg through the denim. "Alright, alright……..Please pardon the children………for having a little fun………we still love ya."

She couldn’t stop a smile from erupting on her face. She looked at him again. "You are pardoned, oh, beautiful child……..Now rejoin your buddy, and let me finish my computer stuff…….Okay?" She ran her fingers through his hair.

He smiled and kissed her leg once more. Then he slowly stood up. "This Katz guy hasn’t made any moves on ya or anything, right?"

She turned her head away and sighed out loud. "No, Roger. He hasn’t. He’s always been a gentleman……..Don’t listen to Earl Ray……..Look! If I thought he was a sleazy scumbag, I wouldn’t hang around his place, would I?………I’m not an idiot!"

"Okay, Maggie………I’m taking your word for it," he said.

Gazing back at him, she said, "Thank you so damn much, my trusting husband."

* * *

Over a week after that, Maggie came home from Park Palisades and found a note from Roger asking her to meet him at a certain address later that afternoon. She didn’t recognize the address, nor was she familiar with the trendy neighborhood she found it in. But Roger’s Jeep was parked outside the empty two-story stone building, so she parked beside him and went inside.

As she stood in what used to be a lobby of some sort and looked around, Roger elegantly descended the nearby staircase and joined her. "Hey, baby. What’s shaking?" he asked quietly as he kissed her cheek. He was obviously in good spirits.

"You tell me, Roger. What’s with this place?" She pulled her eyes off his face and inspected the room again.

He smiled. "You like it? The kitchen’s in the back, the upstairs has hardwood floors all over, and check out the inlaid blue marble on that bar over there."

Maggie was still confused. "So it used to be a restaurant?"

Now his face brightened even more. "And could be again……..This is a great location, good part of town and all………not too far from the loft………And it wouldn’t take much to fix this place up."

Then she understood. Or was, at least, beginning to. She turned and stared at him. "So you’re suggesting we buy this place and turn it into the latest and greatest spot in Portland’s dining scene?"

He grinned. "You’re close, baby. But close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades."

"So what’s the deal, Roger? Or do I havta keep guessing?" Maggie was growing impatient. She was very tired.

"I already bought it for ya, sweetheart. It’s yours! Call it whatever you like!"

Roger was extremely pleased with himself, and he had just assumed that his beloved would be too. But the stark expression on her flushed face now told him that he’d misjudged something somewhere.

He stepped closer to her, watching her intently. "What? You’re not happy?"

"Now’s when you tell me you’re kidding, I hope," she said, not very warmly.

Roger’s smile had disappeared. This little drama wasn’t progressing along as he’d planned. "I’m not kidding, Maggie……….This place is ours now…….yours," he said in a barely audible tone.

Her stare became a glare, and her mouth tightened. She took a dramatic, deep breath. "So lemme get this straight…..…..You boldly went out and made a huge, major decision for me about MY life without even once talking to me about it?"

He looked away from her. This was NOT the way he’d expected her to react. "I wanted to surprise you."

"Well, you accomplished that, Roger. I’m pretty damn surprised all right," she said bitterly.

"So ya don’t want another restaurant? I was wrong ‘bout that?"

She threw her hands in the air. "That’s not the point!"

"Well, pretend I’m a dim bulb, and explain the point to me, Maggie." Roger’s voice was taking on a slightly caustic edge.

She bit the inside of her bottom lip and realized the conversation was escalating to "argument" stage. So she attempted to keep her voice down. "The point is………..this an almighty step for you to have taken without consulting me on it first. I don’t appreciate that very much at all."

Roger closed his eyes and opened them again slowly. "Fine. I’ll sell the damn place, and you won’t havta worry ‘bout it anymore……………Maybe your buddy Mr. Katz will jump on it for a second location or something……..since he didn’t wanna sell his precious Palisades."

Maggie sensed immediately that he was angry now. But had she heard him right? "You tried to buy his restaurant?" She was astounded and wide-eyed.

He turned and took a few steps into the empty room. "That was my first choice…………I made him a fair offer, but he wasn’t interested."

Furious now, she rushed over to him and grabbed his arm which was clad in soft, black leather. "Roger! Who the hell do you think you are? And what else have you been doing behind my back? What if he’d sold to you? Huh? Then I’d be stuck with a whole big functioning restaurant!"

Roger shrugged her off and turned his back to her again. "I thought that’s what you wanted……….You spend so damn much time over there anyway……….I figured it might as well belong to you." His voice was calm and steady, but the words were laced with acid.

Maggie walked around in front of him and faced him, breathing hard. "So that’s what this is all about, hmm? You’re jealous of Benjamin? Or of the time I spend at his place? Am I getting close, Roger? Answer me! Was this all just a huge ruse to get me away from him? It had nothing to do with surprising me with my own restaurant, did it?"

Whirling around, he flashed his stormy eyes at her. Something inside him had snapped and devoured his good spirits. "Okay, Maggie. So I’m an insincere asshole…………….a real prick who’d buy you this fucking building or that restaurant or anything in the world to keep you happy."

The chilly wind that accompanied his words stung her, but did little to cool her off. "This ain’t about keeping me happy, Roger, and you know it. This is all about you and how you can best manipulate people and situations to suit you. Why didn’t you just say outright that you didn’t like me hanging around Benjamin so much?"

Rolling his eyes, he said quietly, "Because you woulda blown up just like you’re doing now……….So go on…….Do whatever the hell you want………. I’m through caring ……..Maybe your buddy will just give you what I couldn’t buy……….now that he knows you want it." He walked away from her yet again.

Maggie was frustrated and still livid. She tried the breathing exercises. "Roger……..Benjamin Katz gives me nothing………….And I don’t know why you and Earl Ray have such a problem with him. He has a girlfriend……..He doesn’t want me………And even if he did, I’ve got everything I want." She had succeeded in softening her voice at least.

He stopped but didn’t turn around. After a moment, he said, "Yeah, yeah, baby……..Everything you want…….Anything money can buy……….And that’s why you keep me ‘round, right? The money?"

His tone was quiet and resigned, but the force of hostility almost knocked her down. She felt tears spring to her eyes as she moved to stand in front of him once more. He looked up at her just before she spoke. "That was cruel, Roger. More cruel than was called for."

"Keep the Benz if ya want, Maggie." He smiled sarcastically. "See? I’m consulting you on it first. I’m capable of learning from my hideous mistakes."

The first two tears fell silently down her face. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what, sweetheart? Is there something you want that I’ve carelessly overlooked? I’ll get it for ya, baby……….no matter what." He laughed coldly, and the sound scraped her heart. "Without all this damn money, I’d just be up shit creek, wouldn’t I?" He touched her chin lightly with his thumb.

"No………That’s not true, Roger……….and if that’s what you’ve been believing all this time, then we’ve been a farce……..not a real couple at all………I love you, not any wealth you might have………And I never dreamed that you thought otherwise."

"Love is a many splendored thing." Another quick, wry smile to accompany the catty tone.

A few more teardrops fell, and Maggie ignored them. "I didn’t even bring up the money, Roger. YOU did. You bought this building!" She fingered the necklace against her blouse, keeping her eyes locked to his. "You bought me this diamond too……….I never asked you for any of it………I’ve never mentioned your money since we’ve been together………I don’t deserve this, you heartless bastard."

Looking at his watch, he sighed, and it echoed in the hollow room. "Gotta go, babe. Vinnie’s supposed to be calling ‘bout the Brooklyn Bridge. I thought since you were so enamored with it that I’d get it for you too, and Vince is checking on it for me." He smiled quickly and then turned to leave.

"Roger, please!" she called out to him. But he didn’t stop walking. "Well, then go on! Keep walking! If that’s what you think about me, then I’m done caring too! And I certainly don’t need your crap!"

Just before he reached the door, he stopped and dropped a set of keys on a wooden counter. He glanced over his shoulder at her and said, "Here ya go, baby. It’s your place. Lock up when you leave." And then he disappeared out the door.

Maggie stood there, frozen in shock, and still heard the door slamming. What had brought all of that on? Had she reacted inappropriately to his surprise purchase? Yes, maybe. But he should have discussed it with her, especially since it was about her. The intense day-to-day responsibility of a restaurant was not something she wanted back in her life right now.

And what had made him suddenly so antagonistic and cold? Why had he accused her of something as harsh as wanting him only for his money? That had stabbed her ruthlessly, especially to think that he might actually believe it. When had she ever given him an idea like that?

Unsure what to do next, Maggie locked the front door of her new building and drove home. A few more unstoppable tears escaped and slid down her face as she rehashed the virulent conversation she’d just had. Could this really be happening to her? Her earth-shatteringly pleasant marriage showing tread marks already? What, if anything, could she do to stop the hasty downhill plunge?

On to Part II