Weather: Sunny for much of the day, cloudy when it's not. Duh! 13.

Tonight's telly: Friends (1995, 4) Repeat of the one where Monica shags a 17 year old. This is humour from the heart. ****
Cherion's Greatest Hits (MTV+) Yay! Backstreets! Britney! N-Sync! Steps! Plus Robyn (the studio's breakout hit from 97), Solid Harmonie (who?) and Five. ****

The grand day out, planning and plotting. We get the department's dirty laundry out in the open, declare a (draft) Vision, and start work on some Strategies. Hard work, *very* hard work, but worth it in the long run.

The world's first paying space tourist, American businessman Dennis Tito, begins his holiday aboard the international space station. "I don't know about this adaptation that they're talking about. I'm already adapted. I love space!" The former Nasa engineer is paying $20m (�14m) for his six-day holiday. Nasa opposed it until the last moment because it did not want a novice in the space station.

Indonesia's President Abdurrahman Wahid is facing growing calls to give up power as angry lawmakers today demanded that parliament censure him for a second time, setting the scene for possible impeachment over alleged corruption and mismanagement. Mr Wahid has one month to respond to the reprimand. If the parliament rejects his reply, it can ask the people's consultative assembly, Indonesia's highest legislative body, to start impeachment proceedings.

Northern Ireland education minister Martin McGuinness tells the Bloody Sunday inquiry that he was a Provisional IRA commander in Londonderry at the time of the shootings in 1972. The formal revelation shocks no one, but is nonetheless significant as an implicit indication by the IRA that it now regards its terrorist war as being over and on the point of being consigned to history.

Mark Frost:
Petty bureaucracy keeps small insignificant people in powerful positions...
Jobsworths, one and all. (For our overseas readers, that's people for whom thinking or bending the rules at all is "more than my job's worth.")

haberdashery department of some megastore and buy a couple of yards of black-out material.
Yes, *that's* a good idea.

If you use this as the backing of some rather fetching curtains (in my case, blue hessian with a large blue and white gingham stripe at the bottom) you will block out most, if not all of the incoming light.
Ah, *this* is Mark's great talent. Interior design.

Mark xxx (Who really thinks a certain "glory-ous" evil character in Buffy should be played by Hallie Lowenthal)
Hallie? Naah. We want something that is pure, unadulterated evil. Not evil with a twinkle in her step and an ability to park in just two parking spaces.

Weather: A gloriously sunny day, clouding over slightly around 6. +14.

Ouch of the day: only time

Tonight's telly:
Stand Off In Oxford Circus (News24, Sky News) Coming home just before 5, there's a huge crowd in Oxford Circus, of maybe 5000 people split by lines of cops. (Pic to right). It all began around 4pm, and dragged on. And on. And on. Finally, just before 7:15, a bit of action as the Sky reporter is shoved down a side-street. The cameraman gets a close-up of one cop's nose. The police leader is given a very soft ride by the BBC, making claims without any evidence. Gripping viewing. *****

The government declares a "state of rebellion" in the Philippines and ordered the arrest of key opposition figures after clashes between police and backers of the ousted president, Joseph Estrada, killed at least four people. It was the second time in as many nights that President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo has survived an attempt to force her from office and reinstall Mr Estrada. She claimed that he and his allies incited supporters in an effort to seize power for their own benefit.

Police in riot gear penned several thousand anti-capitalism protesters into Oxford Circus in central London as several further groups of May Day protesters attempted to break through police lines in the area. The capital's May Day protests became tense as police formed human barricades to prevent groups of demonstraters from converging on Oxford Street. Surrounding side streets were cordoned off.
Skirmishes occurred in a largely peaceful protest, with bottles and cans being thrown at police. Shops closed their doors and boarded up windows. Several demonstrators emerged from scuffles covered with blood.
Riot police are not allowing anyone into or out of the intersection of Oxford Street and Regent Street. A repeated police announcement to protesters said: "You are being detained here to prevent a breach of the peace and criminal damage to property. You will be released in due course." Members of the public not involved in the demonstrations were told by police to leave the Oxford Street area and the Tube station was closed at police request.

In Holles Street, beside the John Lewis department store, protesters broke through police lines several times to join up with another group of demonstrators. Demonstraters complained that there is no water and no toilets inside the cordon, with some protesters pointing to police and saying, "They're the urinals." Earlier in the afternoon, demonstrators in Oxford Circus chanted and sang in front of front of shops such as Niketown that were closed and protected by wooden hoardings. The protestors threw Monopoly money into the air.
Police later faced a hail of bricks from close range and pushed protesters back into Oxford Circus. Demonstrators also attempted to break the windows of the Niketown store by hurling bricks but the windows held. A protester on stilts approached a police cameraman perched on a lamppost outside Niketown and began filming him amid cheers from the crowd.

The demonstrators have accused the police of fuelling tension by surrounding groups of anti-capitalism protesters at various locations in central London. While the main body of the protest converged on Oxford Circus, at the Elephant and Castle roundabout in south-east London, two groups of demonstrators - one cyclists and the other an environmental group with a pedal-powered sound system - met. The atmosphere was carnival-like and there were many different groups.
The police ringed the traffic island as the demonstration was about to move on, and it turned into a rally as a spokesman told the protesters that it was their right to demonstrate in central London, but they should be aware of provoking any violence. The police then moved the demonstrators off the traffic island and through back streets to the north bank of the Thames. Activists staged demonstrations at a variety of places in the capital today, including Trafalgar Square and Euston.

Demonstrations in the capital began early today with a mass cycle ride through the City to King's Cross station. Following the two Critical Mass bike rides, hundreds of protesters gathered in Euston station plaza were corralled by police and searched before they were allowed to leave. One of the marchers, Mick Gordon, from Cambridge, said he believed the police actions had led to an escalating feeling of tension among the crowd.
"I'm appalled by the police's behaviour in this situation. They seem to be turning this peaceful process into a potentially dangerous situation by penning people in."
By lunchtime the independent website IndyMedia reported that police had surrounded Trafalgar Square, blocking in protesters who had been feeding the pigeons, which is now banned.

The West End today suffered the effects of the dreaded neutron bomb - the device that leaves buildings intact but wipes out people. Rarely, in modern times, can central London have been so depopulated, and probably never on a working weekday. It was an eerie experience to walk streets dotted with vehicles, rather than crammed with them. Even in Piccadilly Circus, where London's pulse is always strongly felt, movement was feeble. A handful of demonstrators gathered miserably in the rain around a boarded-up Eros, but just about everyone else appeared to be a diehard tourist.

So where was everybody? According to a forlorn traffic warden on Haymarket they had used the anti-capitalist protest as an excuse to take a day off. "I've usually done a dozen tickets by now," he lamented. "So far I haven't done any." It was hardly surprising. In St James's Square scores of parking spaces stood empty. It was the same at Waterloo Place, and Berkeley Square was a veritable parker's paradise with almost every bay vacant. "I've never seen anything like it," despatch rider John Walker said. "It's like a ghost town." Mr Walker, 23, was taking a day off to peruse his A-Z in an effort to gain the taxi drivers' Knowledge. Police outnumbered shoppers. On Oxford Street, Regent Street and Bond Street many stores either closed up or boarded their windows. An enduring image for many in the West End today will be the sad faces peering out of the doorways of deserted shops.

Weather: Cloudy for most of the day, a heavy shower just after 3. 12.

Tonight's Telly:
TOTP2 Yay for the Icicle Works, Belle Stars, and Eddie Ruffin. Boos for the people who have "remixed" LeeAnn Womack, and ruined a thoroughly wonderful song. ***
Roswell In which there's someone going deeper underground. Better than last week's fiasco. ****

Birmingham Council is to open talks with the Football Association and the Government about an alternative venue for the new national stadium to replace Wembley. The move comes after the Government said it would not cover a �150million shortfall in funding for the scheme. The NEC Group, which was involved in a rival national stadium bid in 1995, said it was watching developments. We said at the time that Birmingham was an infinitely better choice. It's near the centre of the country, the site is just off a main road with ample parking, and there are no residents to be annoyed.
However, the government doesn't want to know. Birmingham is In The Provinces (ie outside the M25) and the stadium could be constructed entirely with Private Money. Just like the succesful schemes in Edinburgh, Cardiff, Reading, Sunderland, Derby; and those under construction in Manchester, Coventry and Bristol. The government can't take any credit, so pretends these successes don't exist.

Football: Liverpool downs Bradford 2-0 to go third in the league. Southampton draw 1-1 at Newcastle. In Europe, Bayern Munich wins 1-0 at Real Madrid; Leeds draws 0-0 with Valencia.

The policing and reporting of yesterday's May Day protests was so excessive as to seem like gross provocation. In their gleaming cockroach ranks, the 6,000 officers looked as if they were to there to pick a fight, not stop one. An excitable reporter on News 24 actually described a group of baffled herbivores in sweatshirts as "rioters". She wished. The news that "veggieburgers" were being sold at King's Cross was relayed in tones that suggested their main ingredient was Semtex rather than chick peas. We're wondering how the Met, which can find so few bobbies to patrol our streets and protect helpless citizens from mugging, can come up with the goods - and the manpower - to protect big business from damage it can claim on insurance. Honestly, it's enough to turn you into an anarchist. Do they do an evening class?

Weather: Cloudy for much of the day, though some sun peeks through in the evening. 13.

Tonight's Telly
As If Sooz deserves better. *****

Tony Blair fires the unofficial starting gun for the general election. Blair claimed victory over foot-and-mouth and William Hague rallied his Tory troops for the battle ahead.
The Prime Minister called a press conference at Downing Street to declare that the crisis is now clearly under control. He warned there must still be vigilance and the battle was not completely over, but declared: "I believe we are on the home straight."
The Prime Minister announced that the backlog of animals to be culled will be completely cleared by tonight, and the last pyre lit. Flanked by Agriculture Minister Nick Brown, the Government's scientific experts, and the senior Army officer involved, Brigadier Malcolm Wood, he thanked all involved, and claimed the crisis had been better handled than the last big outbreak, in 1967.
Half a mile away, at the Conservatives' Central Office HQ, Hague told his party the election was there to be won. Promising a hard campaign, he declared: "If Tony Blair chooses to go to the country next week - and all the signs are that he will - we will be ready for him."
Shadow agriculture minister Tim Yeo accusing Mr Blair of being driven by "the need for a good soundbite" and warning: "We must not relax policy before it is safe to do so merely because there may be an election coming up".

Great train robber Ronnie Biggs has told police he plans to return to Britain after 35 years on the run, Scotland Yard revealed today. Biggs is prepared to face arrest when he flies into the country from his home in Rio de Janeiro. The 71-year old claimed he is in failing health after recently suffering his third stroke. Explaining his reasons for giving himself up, Mr Biggs said: "I am a sick man. My last wish is to walk into a Margate pub as an Englishman and buy a pint of bitter. I hope I live long enough to do that."

An all-party committee of MPs finds that former paymaster general Geoffrey Robinson deceived parliament over his dealings with Robert Maxwell. The Guardian reports a payment of �200,000, which may or may not have been received by Robinson, but which MPs have concluded should have been declared to the Commons. Mr Robinson, MP for Coventry North West, has had his business affairs investigated four times since the 1997 election. The latest report is to be published on what is almost certainly parliament's last working day before Tony Blair calls the general election.

Angella: > Were Patty Chase and Anne Robinson separated at birth?
1) Patty: She'd be a cinch to replace that evil "You are the weakest link" lady.
Well, there's an interesting thought. I must say, she comes over as a lot more nasty on the US version. But that (in turn) could have something to do with the complete inability of the contestants to answer a single question correctly.

Anyway, Patty, with two votes, you *are* the strongest Anne Robinson. Toodles.

Ricky: La Cage or Priscilla, Queen of the Desert? How about as the effervescent Ainsley Herriott on Can't Cook, Won't Cook?
I've never heard Haricots-Verts described as "effervescent" before. Not that it doesn't suit him.

Sharon: Radio show listener with a crush on Frasier in Frasier or Audrey Hepburn's part in Roman Holiday.
True. I thought of the popular-but-not-cool girl thing, the dating a cool chap thing, the obvious enjoyment of umming, and headed towards Willow off Buffy.

Danielle: the middle child 7th Heaven,
With a little re-casting, Lisa Simpson?

Jordan: Rival vamp in Angel.
I can see *Rayanne* in BuffyAngel. I reckon there was a lot of Rayanne in the character of Sunday (B4:01)...

Delia: All time big prize winner on Jeopardy.
Not sure she'd get past the Quiz Geeks. She'd do well on Weakest Link, though. Clever, but not wonk-ish clever.

Weather: Gloriously sunny, until it clouds over early evening. 15.

Tonight's telly:
Weakest Link: US (Apr 17 on NBC; BBC1) Import version of our successful quiz show. The opening is tediously slow - ten minutes into the show, we're barely beginning the second round of questions. Anne seems to take an eternity to read the questions throughout, and the man doing the voiceovers was quite clearly fast asleep during proceedings. The far steeper money ramp makes for much more conservative play, with frequent banking of small amounts. Overall, though, it's a good thing, if only to laugh at the complete asininity of the United Stations. ****
Buffy (Sky1) Review to follow.

Two computers bug my day. One is running Win98, and suffering a lock-up at the network log-on screen. Total lock up - nothing on the screen changes, but any keystrokes are carried forward to when the system returns. And because it's at the network logon, we can't use Ctrl-Alt-Del to bring up the task list. Eventually figure that it's running two power management settings, and three instances of the anti-virus program's network side. Neither performs a useful function, but the manager doesn't understand that. The problem is less, but not removed.

T'other one is running our bespoke local database software, and isn't seeing the correct folder on the server to collect the changes. It's something to do with the account settings for that chap. Unfortunately, they're hard-coded into the program, so there ain't a thing I can do to resolve. Curses.

Richard & Judy Quit Undisputed ruling couple of cheesy daytime television Richard Madeley and Judy Finnigan are to leave ITV's "This Morning" after 13 years. The married couple will take up a fresh challenge at rival network Channel 4, hosting a daily talk show "Richard And Judy."
"It's sad to leave but we really needed to do something else. We'd just have got stale otherwise. We'd been in London for last five years and only expected to be here for two," said Finnigan.
Madeley: "I've got a lot of pride in the success of This Morning. There are 10 more weeks to run on the contract and we would hate to think that we were conniving in the downfall of the show," he said.

Allan:
As it's coming up for election time, what does everyone on the list think of the job Tony Blair has done as PM.

Vote on
1) Out of this world
2) Good
3) Ok
4) Clueless Idiot
5) Worst UK Prime minister ever!
Well. It's all about expectations, isn't it. You can shoot for the stars, only make it to Jupiter, and be marked more harshly than someone whose ambition was limited to making Mars, and succeeded.

This is where the Bliar falls down. He was elected on a vision of radical reform. Never mind that the actual manifesto, his party's pledges for the first term, were very limited. He campaigned on the basis of "We can walk on water! We can turn your lead into gold! We can do anything! Anything!!" Whatever he did has to be a let down after that.

There's a very instructive comparison to be made with John Major, his immediate predecessor as UK PM. Major was elected in late 1990, and was widely expected to lead the Conservative party to defeat at an election in 1992. Even before that, though, he had maintained Bush's interest in the Gulf after the war; led the resistance to the short-lived Russian coup; and achieved a remarkable victory at Maastricht, securing British opt-outs on both the currency and social conditions. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of those opt-outs, their achievement was a star achievement.

After securing an unexpected victory in 92, Major pushed through his Big Plan, to improve the quality and transparency of public services. Councils having to listen to their residents, instead of expecting them to jump through hoops to secure basic entitlements. A one-stop shop for simple benefits cases. School performance indicators. Naming the ministers on cabinet committees. Friendliness. A smile. These things may not have cost much, but they've transformed the expectations and delivery of services. Even the oft-derided Cones Hotline had a place.

What's Tony's crowning achievement? An education service that has been weighed down by more and more bureaucracy? Nope. Can't be that.

An efficient, integrated transport network? There are delays on the trains, overcrowding on the roads, and safety concerns in the skies. So no.

Sound management of the economy? Not by the government; its first act was to farm out the setting of interest rates, and annual growth over this parliament is lower than over any of the four previous Conservative administrations. Don't think so.

An improved health service? Not a chance. Reform of the agricultural subsidies? Maybe next year.

This is the big problem. As a care-and-maintainance government, the first Blair administration has done an outstanding job. The problem is, it wasn't elected to do that. It was elected to reform, and it's done less reforming than its predecessors.

On that basis, I cannot judge the government's performance as satisfactory. Equally, it has not led the country into near economic collapse, as Wilson / Callaghan did in the late 70s; nor has it embroiled the country in a pointless and costly overseas war, as did the Salisbury administration a century ago.

So put my X by box 4, Incompetent Fool.

Weather: Sunny spells, the odd light shower. 14.

Today's telly:
Wanted (1997) The second series, with Ray Cokes. I set the digibox to record this, only it decides to take on a life of its own and switch to UK Livid. This episode originally aired 97-05-04, when I was in Newfoundland. It was repeated 00-12-13, a Wednesday, and I didn't get Horizons on Wednesday. So, third time round, I've *still* not seen the last episode of Wanted. Grr.
The Tribe (5) Ebony moves into her new quarters, there are unexpected propositions for Tai-San and Moz, and Lexx is corrupt. KC is annoying. ****

Back with the parents this weekend, and suffer the sister's manic driving. Into town, get a new shaver, on the grounds that the old one is not keeping its power lead as well as it might. Put any pressure and it drops out. Not good. Also some blank video tapes (Eurosong is coming, Wogan's frequent flier account is getting fat...) and the Reloaded 2 CD. Yay for alt.rock.

Then spot that a photo store is having a 1/3 off sale on digital cameras. So get a swanky little number, about the size of my fist, and in blueberry purple. No LCD screen, but that's not really necessary. Add in some rechargable batteries, and still change from a hundred.

Football: Arsenal will play in the European League after beating Leeds 2-1, through Freddie Ljungberg and Sylvain Wiltord.
Coventry is relegated after conceding a 2-0 lead to lose 3-2 at Aston Villa.
Middlesborough escape the relegation dogfight, a 1-1 against doomed Bradford suffices. Derby also escape, inflicting a shock 1-0 win at Manchester United.
Chelsea presses its remote claims to the UEFA Cup, beating Everton 2-1. Liverpool down Newcastle 3-0, Sunderland over Charlton 3-2. Other results: Leicester 4, Spurs 2; West Ham 3, Southampton 0.

League tables:
1 (1) Man Utd pl 36 - 80 *Champs
2 (2) Arsenal    36 - 69 *Euro League
3 (5) Liverpool  36 - 65 *UEFA
4 (3) Leeds      36 - 62 *UEFA
5 (4) Ipswich    36 - 62 *UEFA
6 (6) Chelsea    36 - 57
7 (7) Sunderland 37 - 56

15 (14) Everton        37 - 41
16 (17) Derby          37 - 41
17 (16) Middlesborough 37 - 39
18 (18) Man City       36 - 34
19 (19) Coventry       37 - 33 *Relegated
20 (20) Bradford       36 - 25 *Relegated

Tracker points, covering form over the last 15 games:
1 (1) MUN 1189
2 (2) LEE 1145
3 (3) ARS 1137
4 (4) LIV 1132
5 (6) CHE 1082
6 (5) IPS 1062

15 (14) EVE 928
16 (18) WHM 921
17 (19) LEI 910
18 (17) MCY 908
19 (15) COV 899
20 (20) BRA 865

Weather: Sunny spells, cloud. 13.

Chart News

The British invasion of the US continues apace, as S Club 7 take a 13 place leap to #10 on the Hot 100. They join Dido in the top end of the lists, the first time there has been two British acts in the upper echelon since Elton and the Spices in early 98.

LW	TW	wks		pk
1	1	7	Survivor Destiny's Child	1
Week three at the summit. It's all down to airplay. They have the UK's top album, too.
2	2	7	All For You Janet Jackson	1
Still #1 in the US.
4	3	2	Don't Stop Movin' S Club 7	3
Slowly, slowly, they climb in the UK. Note that the top three are all in the US top 10, which is something of an unusual occurrance.
5	4	18	It Wasn't Me Shaggy feat Rick Rock	1
Just when we thought they were on the way out, back up they move!
3	5	4	Lovin' Every Day Ronan Keating	3
The chart-topper was not to be, but critical acclaim is already his.
66	6	1	It's Raining Men Geri Halliwell	6
Like Gabrielle, this is from the Bridget Jones soundtrack. It is, of course, a cover of the Weather Girls' 1984 disco classic. There's been a lot of head-scratching as to why this just doesn't have the oomph of the original. Perhaps it's Geri not having the physical frame to provide the voice (she should never have dated Cliff Evans...) Perhaps it's the arrangement - the original is two semi-tones higher than it ought to be, Geri's rarely moves more than one semi-tone above. Perhaps there's something in the tempo, or the backing. Either way, it's Not As Good As The Original.
23	7	4	Play Jennifer Lopez	7
Lopez's anthem to people who do actually put her records on air cuts no ice here. For fairly obvious reasons.
8	8	3	Out Of Reach Gabrielle	8
Holding station as there are two big entries above is an achievement. Just on the threshold of crossing into Massive Hit status.
Highlights
N	16	1	Imitation Of Life REM	16
Last week, Depeche Mode landed here. Like REM, they've been around for the best part of two decades, and have recorded one of their more radio-friendly tracks in a long time. Unlike the Mode, REM has been active pretty much from the get-go; since making their singles chart debut in 1987, they've charted in every year except 1990, and only in 1997 was there no new hit. This single calls to mind "The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight" from 1992's "Automatic For The People", or "Bang And Blame" from 1994's "Monster."
N	18	1	Cold As Ice MOP	18
The almost obligatory Dodgy Rap Cover; this week, it's Foreigner's "Cold As Ice" receiving the treatment. Why do copyright holders allow this kind of crap?
22	21	9	Angel Shaggy feat Rayvon	21
Another week, another peak.
30	25	7	Hanging By A Moment Lifehouse	25
34	28	4	Follow Me Uncle Kraker	28
I have no idea if either of these has even been signed for the UK. Both would make massive hits.
31	29	2	Karma Hotel Spooks	29
N	32	1	Stay Stephen Gatley	32
The second most successful solo Boyzoner. That says nothing; the second most successful solo Take Thatter was Gary Barlow, and he's been without a record deal for over a year. This is Gatley's third hit, and it's not a big one.
N	36	1	Bel'amour Bel'amour	36
Billed as the next Modjo, this French act can barely win a place in the top 40.
46	42	0	Between Angels And Insects Papa Roach	42
45	45	0	Drops Of Jupiter Train	45
N	50	0	White Boy With A Feather Jason Downs	50
Usually, when country meets a dance idiom, both sides come out losing. See recent messes from Faith Hill and Leeann Womack. This, though, is a hit; marrying country with rap on a semi-autobiographical tale that holds the imagination and primes the senses.
N	54	0	Push Strange World	54
N	58	0	Request + Line Black Eyed Peas / Macy Gray	58
Recorded before Macy became famous, this is a fun and funky number.
N	68	0	Because You Loved Me Alsou	68
Right, name another Russian pop star. This is not a cover of Celine's 1996 chart-topper, but a new, upbeat song. It's recorded by the lass who should have had a massive hit off the back of last year's Eurosong with "Solo", only it was never released here. Much like the other famous Russian pop act, Autograph.
N	90	0	No Dream Impossible Lindsay	90
Speaking of things Eurovisiony, this is the UK's entry to the annual contest, taking place in Parken, Copenhagen, this coming weekend. Lindsay (Dracass) is 16, from Sheffield, and has been completely unable to hit the really high note at the end of the song outside the recording studio. This song was originally intended for classical singer Russell Watson, to be performed as a power ballad. Like Meat Loaf's version of "No Matter What", that will be worth hearing.
Records on beige backgrounds are primarily scoring from UK airplay; those on green backgrounds are yet to have a commercial UK release.