Family Technology Plan/Family Home Evening

"And ye shall not suffer your children that they . . . serve the devil . . . But ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness . . . " (Mosiah 4:14-15)

Encourage family to become aware of the benefits and dangers of the Internet and to formulate a personal family technology plan.

Venturing into the Internet is a bit like going off to school for the first time. We have been taught that we must be careful to look both ways when crossing the street and not to accept rides from strangers. There are also rules we need to know when navigating the Net. Our family might be exposed to:

1. Inappropriate material of a sexual or violent nature,

2. Messages that harass and demean us.

3. We might unwittingly provide personal information, while online, that could risk our safety as individuals or members of our family.

The following story was related by Utah Governor Mike Leavitt at the Utah Conference For Families on March 22, 1997. We have paraphrased the story and the names are fictitious, but the events are factual.

Eric's father could tell that his seven-year-old son seemed troubled. Being a concerned father, he asked his son about it. Eric said, "Dad, I just can't quit thinking about something." His father thought that Eric must have seen a scary movie or had a nightmare. At first, Eric didn't want to talk to his dad about what he had seen. After some persuasion and coaxing, Eric finally told his dad about some horrible and ugly pictures he had seen.

"Where did these pictures come from?" the father asked. Eric said that his nine-year-old friend, Ben, had shown them to him on their family computer. Ben's parents were trusted neighbors, a fine family, and Ben was a good boy.

"How many times did you see these pictures?" the dad asked.

"Lots of times," Eric replied.

Eric's father went to the parents of the nine-year-old. They were shocked and dismayed. They were sickened to think of these two boys whose minds had been polluted at such a tender age. The parents of the nine-year-old confronted their son, Ben, and he started to cry. Ben said, "I know it's wrong, but I just keep looking at it. One of my friends in the sixth grade gave me the Internet address and told me to have a look. 'It's really cool,' he said."

Ben also told his parents that several of the kids in the neighborhood had been secretly looking at pictures such as these.

Ask: what do you think Eric's and Ben's parents did? Did the boys get punished? (The answer is No. They needed help, not punishment.)

The parents knew the pornography would hurt the boys and cause many problems for them. Eric's dad told him, "If you once start to look at bad pictures, it will be hard for you to ever erase them from your mind. These pictures of people without any clothes on are what we call 'pornography.' Just like drugs and cigarettes, you can become addicted and it will be very hard for you to stop. Like drugs, pornography is a mind-changer and, like drugs, these pictures can tempt you to do things that you really don't want to do."

Both families loved their sons and told the boys that with the help of God, they might be able to forget what they had seen. It would take lots of prayer, lots of talking it out, and lots of love from family, but this dangerous experience need not ruin the rest of their lives.

PARENTS: Reassure your children that if something like this happens to them, they can come to you and you will help them deal with the problem. Assure them that you will love them no matter what! Tell them that the Lord will help us so that we can live up to our family's moral virtues and values.

The following story illustrates how one can, innocently and without warning, access pornography on the Internet.

Mike had just returned from an LDS mission in Brazil. He was excited to try out the family's new computer which was wired to the Internet through his father's place of work. Mike was interested to see what the Net had to say about the country where he had served for the past two years. He typed in the key word: Brazil. Immediately there flashed upon the screen a list of sites he could "visit."

To his surprise and dismay, on the screen in front of him were two pornographic sites. One site advertised an erotic book, "The Single Man's Guide to An Erotic Vacation in Rio de Janeiro." The second site advertised "nude centerfold super models and adult film stars exploring their sexual fantasies deep in the tropical rainforest."

Mike was alone in the computer room with the door shut. What would he do? He was young. He was curious. He was tempted.

Ask, "What would Mike do?" Let your family offer suggestions. You could discuss possible consequences of each choice. This could be a good opportunity to discuss moral agency and how easily one can become addicted to unrighteous behavior.

Testify to teach and instruct family members what God's prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley, has said: "The forces against which we labor are tremendous. We need more than our own strength to cope with them . . . To heads of families, I should like to make a plea: In all you do, feed the Spirit nourish the soul. I am satisfied that the world is starved for spiritual food."

Testify that in order to strengthen our faith and confidence before God, we must ". . . let virtue garnish (our) thoughts unceasingly." (Doctrine and Covenants 121:45)

For more information on dealing with addiction, please read our INTERNET PACKET, Section V, Avoiding/Overcoming Addiction.

Tell family members that you want everyone to work together to formulate a family plan that will help protect us from the harm that exposure to inappropriate materials can bring.

Whether you have access to the Internet at home, at work, at school, or in the community, this plan will help prepare you to meet the challenges that will surely come.

Below are suggestions you may wish to incorporate into your plan:

1. We will keep the computer in a family room and not behind closed doors. Our computer screens will be visible for other family members to see at all times.

2. Parents will spend time with their children both online and off line.** (See below.)

3. We will tell our parents about anything online that looks suspicious or makes us feel uncomfortable.

4. We will never agree to get together with someone we "meet" online. We will not send anyone a personal picture, address, or other personal information without first checking with parents.

5. We will speak up to friends or other family members if they are viewing inappropriate material on the computer. We will leave the room, if necessary, rather than indulge in this unseemly behavior.

6. We will limit computer use to a reasonable, agreed upon, amount of time and avoid excessive use.

7. We will look into purchasing a filtering software program to help protect our family on the Internet.

8. All members of our family, even adults, will honor and abide by the rules we have set together in our plan.

Some individuals desire to harm children. Others seek to gather market research, raising privacy concerns. Unscrupulous people lure unsuspecting folks to their sites with graphics and games. These sites can be packed with advertisements. They may reward children for providing personal information, their likes and dislikes, and information concerning their friends. They may E-mail advertisements to your child, request inappropriate information, and entice them to return to their questionable sites.

Chat rooms or Internet discussion groups can be a waste of valuable time. Warn your children that it can be difficult to assess the character or intentions of someone they can't see.

** Take the time to teach your values to your children. Explain why you believe viewing pornography is wrong and the harm you believe that it might cause.

Testify to them that through faith in Christ and by strict obedience to His commandments, your family can be protected from the "sleazy filth," as President Gordon B. Hinckley calls it, "which is sweeping over the earth like a horrible, engulfing tide. It is poison. Do not watch it or read it. It will destroy you if you do." (Ensign, Nov. 1997, p. 51) Testify to your family that you know Gordon B. Hinckley is a Prophet and you know he speaks the truth!

If you have the Internet in your home, another good family home evening activity could be to check into a software program that would help filter out objectionable online material. Read our INTERNET PACKET, Section II, A LOOK AT FILTERING/ BLOCKING SOFTWARE.