One of your major goals as a parent is to assure your child a stable life. You will raise him for about two decades, and from that point the child will have to use his abilities that you have taught him in order to manage independently.
However, your child may be unable to act in a stable manner after a rebellion. Your intervention is likely to be counterproductive, since he is likely to be determined to prove that his rebellion achieved its goal.
Thus, your intervention could cause your child to take steps that are more severe, in order to prove his point. Whether that point is justified is not the issue. You have no way of predicting whether your child will escalate the problem.
Thus, the situation is precisely the opposite of what you may have expected, and undoubtedly different from the advice that you are likely to have received from others. They may even urge you to offer your child anything in order to have him return. As a parent who understands the background for your child's rebellion, you should find that this is extremely difficult for you to carry out.
Nobody said that parenting was supposed to be easy.
Let's make sure that this is perfectly clear: Your child might actually lead a more stable life without your intervention and contact.
That's right: You may protect your child more by allowing him to prove himself and to run his life in his own way. That might create long-term stability - which is more important than your short term contact. And, yes, your child may choose to return at some point in the future, this is not the issue at present.
Let's look at the situation in a different way. If you urge your child to return, then he can perform anti-social acts and he can blame you. On the other hand, if you remove yourself from the situation, then the child has no choice but to prove himself to the world. Left alone, he is more likely to be good and to act properly. He will realize that his bad actions can hurt nobody but himself, since you are not reacting to his acting out.
If you are uninvolved, then your child will have to demonstrate the following issues:
Thus, by removing yourself from the situation, despite the urgings of others, you may help the child maintain the positive effects of his rebellion.
Caution: This is a generalized recommendation that is not applicable to every situation. Do make every effort to be aware of your child's activities, in order to assure that this applies to your own child.
As with any powerful cure, you may not want to risk it at all. Discuss this procedure carefully with a professional who knows you, your child, and his proclivities before implementing it.
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