Others, including the parents' peers, will urge the parents to pick up the phone, apologize to their rebellious children, and urge them to return.

Parents who cannot stand up to this bad advice will cause additional and possibly irreparable long-term problems.

After all, the child has received a great deal of advice from his own peers. He is likely to be confused by their statements. They will make some bold suggestions. They will tell your child to do things that they may not do themselves, or things that they may know are wrong. They certainly have nothing to lose, and they may be able to create some excitement at the expense of your child.

If the parents join the growing chorus of suggestions, then it may be more difficult for the child to return home at a later stage. By making a statement to the child, the parents will change their status. They will no longer be identified with the growing peer group who will have been shown to be of no value. Instead of being in an elevated (albeit hated) status, the parents will now reduce themselves to the position of yet one more voice telling the child what is "good" for him to do. There is little to be gained by such an action.

Despite the fact that you, as a parent, may want to carry out the procedure described in this section, you may face difficulty because of others. They are likely to offer advice:

• "You should devote yourself to your children"
• "You should do whatever it takes to become involved in their lives"
• "You're missing out on so much"
• "This is an important time in their lives and it will never come back or be replaced"
• "Do whatever it takes to bring them back"
• "Don't just say good bye to your children"
• "Don't you care about your children?"
• "Aren't your children important to you?"
• "How can you ignore your children in this way?"
• "You're missing out on such fine children"
• "Everybody likes your children, and they can't understand how you can leave them"

If the situation involves your married children, then the arguments may take the following tone:

• "You may not care about your children, but what have your grandchildren done to deserve your abandonment?"
• "Don't you want to be part of your grandchildren's lives?"
• "The grandchildren miss you
• "The grandchildren need you"
• "The grandchildren will have to grow up without you"
• "Okay, so you have a fight with your children, that's one thing. But you certainly didn't have a fight with your grandchildren, did you?"

Yes, the meddling of oursiders can be very difficult to withstand. Their proclaimed doubts about whether you care about your child can be very unnerving.

As a result, it may be very difficult to carry out this procedure. You are in a situation that is similar to that faced by your own rebellious child. He got into trouble because of pressure from others. You, too, may be sucked into an unfortunate circumstance when your child leaves home. This can happen if you follow the inappropriate dictates or pressures from your peers or from those whom you respect.

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