Articles about Parenting
Dating
The List

If you can't explain it simply
you don't understand it well enough
- Albert Einstein

Now that you have brainstormed a list of desirable attributes in your future spouse, you should decide which items should remain and which should be removed.

If it is too specific or defined, then the basket of available partners is reduced accordingly. True, you need only one partner, but it is important to leave some options. If it is too broad or inclusive, then you have lost the advantages of a list.

Let us assume that you are looking for someone who will help you create a mutually uplifting and positive relationship. You might have brainstormed inter alia the following items:

It will be necessary to limit, re-arrange, and prioritize your criteria, with the most important criterion being placed first, and then the second in importance, and then the third. The resulting list will help you and your confidant determine the marriage candidate who meets your needs best.

A candidate who has a lot of check marks at the top (most important) part of the list, and some Xs at the bottom, may be a likely candidate. Too many Xs at the top of the list may mean that there is no reason to look further down on the list.

An example

Shloimi prepared the following list for his potential wife:

Shloimi is offered a 23-year-old girl who has no mother. She has been running her home and caring for her beloved young siblings who adore her since age 15, she gives the impression of being honest, she went to Bais Yaacov, and she is a Modern Orthodox Jew. However, she had to care for her family since 10th grade, so she never went to college, even though she wished she could. Another "serious" flaw: she�s 2�� taller than Shloime.

This fine young girl earned many check marks in the beginning of the list. Way down at #8 she received an X because of her height, and then she got another X at #10.

She is certainly a possible candidate. She has met the objective criteria that are most important to Shloime. Let's hope the subjective issues work out when they meet.

Where do you want to go now?

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