Both partners are likely to be nervous on the first date. This has nothing to do with the fear that some people feel for the other gender. Even those who feel very comfortable in the company of a boy or girl may feel nervous on a date.

You may be nervous for any of the following reasons:

Both of you are probably trying to make an impression on each other. (Surprisingly, they are not always trying to make a positive impression). Under these circumstances, the behavior of the partners may not reflect their true character.

In addition, you may face any of the following issues:

• You have been teased by your siblings or acquaintances
• You are in an unfamiliar situation
• You don't want your partner to decide whether you are "good enough"
• You realize that you have reached another stage of development
• You realize the potential importance and significance of the date

In future dates, you should feel more at ease. If you still get a queasy feeling after you know your partner for some time, there may be reason to be concerned. After all,

• You do not want your nervousness to be a factor when deciding on a partner for life – at least not at this stage
• You do not want your evaluation to be affected by irrelevant feelings
• You do want relevant issues to be the basis for your mutual judgments

How do you reduce or hide this nervousness?

• Try to relax
  • Breathe deeply – very deeply – just before the date is about to begin
  • Exhale – very slowly
• Do something with your hands
  • Don't allow them to hang awkwardly
  • Hold an object such as a book
• Concentrate on your prepared list of discussion topics
  • Don't bring the actual list to the date itself (if you must bring it, keep it hidden)
  • Prioritize your list in advance, so that you can make an effort to ask your most important questions (the ones that will help you determine whether to go on a second date)
  • Study the questions beforehand, but be prepared to add issues during your date

Summary

These circumstances are similar to your reaction to an interview or to any other new situation. Look beyond your partner's nervousness – and your own. After all, a suave and relaxed partner is not necessarily on your list of priorities.

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