Dates should focus on two primary issues:
In this world all too many people search only for chemistry and neglect their own list. That reversal of priorities may be the cause of many divorces.
A better approach would be to search for many items on your own list. If you find enough of your needs, and if you know what you are getting into on other issues, then you can consider the issue of chemistry and you can make a decision based on the chemistry. You will be able to make an informed decision about the important issues.
Try to avoid the mistakes that many people make in today's world. Their priorities are reversed. Their marriage is often based on fleeting references to chemistry or love. Statistics show that that is not sufficient for a successful marriage. They take a risk that the other person will meet some or all of the items on their nonexistent list.
Actually, it does work out sometimes, by chance or siyyata dishmaya. However, these people are all too often disappointed.
Those rare individuals who who look for things on a prepared list give their marriage a better chance of survival, and of getting what they want. In many cases, those who have made up a list find that the chemistry follows.
In this way the Chassidishe method of looking for a marriage partner is very successful. Parents check out the prospective partners and the couple gets to meet each other briefly. There is no real opportunity to form a real relationship. They may not even talk about mundane issues. The boy may give the girl a prepared (and very nervous) dvar Torah - hardly a way to determine compatibility according to modern standards.
In today's world many people are horrified by that system, even though it works. They ask about chemistry.
Well, the Chassidishe system may not work for all of us, but the basic underlying concept of working from a prepared list is certainly valid.
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