I'm available - Dating - Grossman Parenting

Whom should you tell?

Ideally, you should try to spread the word to people who meet the following qualifications:

They know both you and your potential match
They know what both of you want
They know the match on an ongoing and extended basis

Your contacts may include any of the following categories:

Selected friends
Some relatives
Your Rabbi
A matchmaker (depending on family tradition)
You may also consider some matchmaking organizations that have a number of Shadchanim who work together

The Internet has matchmaking databases.

Be very cautious about using the Internet
Ask your Rabbi for his approval before using this service
Consult with others who have used that very database before registering
If you do resort to this option, give very few personal details to the prospective date
Check your date's personal references very carefully
Have somebody accompany you on your first Internet-based dates
Take additional security precautions if your date is from a distant location

You may want to consider selected singles events in your area. Be sure to clarify whether mixed-gender events are acceptable in your own family tradition. Limit yourself to events in which the organizers invite people whom you may consider for marriage. A supervisory authority is definitely recommended.

What should you say?

Clearly, you can reduce time, effort, frustration, and disappointment if your contacts know just what you want in advance. You will have fewer offers, but those who are recommended are likely to be more appropriate.

You don't have to tell your friends about the obvious issues, such as your level of religious observance.

You do not have to mention that you want a person who is gentle, comes from a good home and is nice.

These vague concepts are likely to mean something different to you and your friends
You probably want to determine those traits by yourself.

Instead, specify a short list of some basic characteristics that are uniquely suited to your own hopes and desires. You might select a goal in life, an occupation, or an outlook. Keep your list down to 2-4 select qualifications. Your contacts will not remember more than that.

Where do you want to go now?

See the next article in this series