Tommy's Secret Fashion Show!

I don't know which is more distracting to wear, a girl's brassiere or a pair of pantyhose. Either one is enough to drive a guy nuts. I mean, everything fits all right, I guess, but I never felt so naked in my entire life.

It's great when my Mom's not in the house. There's always something neat to play with or do, and I never get in trouble, not much, at least; not like Tyler and Will, two of my buddies from school. Tyler's been caught shoplifting twice this year and Will accidentally set fire to a trash can at his grandmother's house. I think the worst trouble I've ever been in was the time I poked a fingernail through a pair of stockings. When Mom got home I thought she was going to give me a whipping right then and there on the spot! Whew, was I ever lucky …!

I mean, sure, as a result I ended up with a wardrobe large enough to make a Barbie doll jealous, but considering the alternative, I think I'm doing all right? Things could be worse, I guess.