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| If You Come Softly By PinerSpirit |
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That Night... "Ouch!", I shriek as I drop my suit case on the floor in my hotel room.I begin whimper as I notice a cut on my index finger.I hate blood, so I quickly look around the dark room and stumble a bit as I walk to the first door I see.My right hand- the one that is bloodless- grabs hold of the door knob and turns it, and I walk in the dark room.As I head in more I notice where I am.The walk-in closet. A smile spreads on my face and I laugh.I switch on the light and open the door.I walk out, with the help of the closet light, I find the bathroom. I place a bandage I found under the sink on my finger, I turn on the water and look into the mirror.My face looks raw and old-lady like.I have bag's under my eye's, I laugh, I move my hand to my face and touch my eye's with the finger that has the bandage on it.My eye's sting when I touch them.My mind goes back to today's events. "What a day", I whisper.Let me racap; Jay broke things off with me, after he saw me in the shower, Karri and Kyle got together, and then...here I am.In my hotel room.And my eye's are all baggy because of the tear's I shedded today.I cringe as I remember how I bawled infront of Karri, Kyle, and Jay after Kyle came to help me.I couldn't believe Karri thought Kyle still wanted me.I mean he kissed her, I smile.Even though I feel like...like I would prefer to have been dropped off the face of the earth- I'm happy for Karri. RING I open the door and jump on the bed.I pick up the phone, "Hello?". I sigh. "No, you have the wrong number, Sir".My hands shake and I drop the phone on the floor.I pull my hands up to my face, so I can get a better look at them.Suddenly, a quote from a kid show poppes into my head.From The Amanda Show, I laugh, "My hands are all raisiny!", I laugh.At least I'm laughing, I think.I pull up the phone and put it back on it's reciever. I sigh as I realize who I wanted it to be on the phone. "Jay", I utter through my dry lips.Jesus!I'm a mess, I shrug. "I wanted it to be Jay, yeah I did".But he doesn't want me.My sadness quickly turns into anger.I sit up on my bed. "How could you have done that!?", I ask myself. I fall to the floor and lay on it. "It came out of no where", I whisper.I shut my eye's closed to stop the redness in them. "I can't cry", I order myself.What the hell am I doing?Talking to myself. I sit up. "I'm not gonna let Jay do this to me", I tell myself in a stern voice.I grab my suit case and slam shut the door- I forgot to before- and head inside the bathroom to get ready for bed.It is after all, midnight. ***** Outside... Jay's on the phone with Mark. "Mark, you do know what just happened between us, don't you?!", he asks.Mark is telling him that all the hotel is booked and they can't have him stay at another hotel or motel.Something to do with publicity or staying here free, Mark had said. "The limit of people in one room is 2.I've checked and asked around- Jay, you and Nadia have to share the hotel room for the rest of week", Mark told Jay on the other end of the cell phone reciever. "But I told you that I just brok-", Jay began.He was standing out in the hall of Nadia's floor.Kyle and Karri were sharing a room and already asleep.He was in a bundle. "Fine, fine Mark", Jay said and turned off his phone.He put it in his flannel shirt pocket, picked up his suit cases, and headed down the empty hall to room 124B.Nadia's room. "She's probably asleep", he whispers. "Or I'm hoping", he finishes. "She's gonna be mad at me...", he cringes. He makes it to Nadia's room and knocks on the door. "Nadia, I need to come in", he says. "Fine", I say into my telephone reciever and turn it off.All I can think or hope, is he sleeps on the street. I'm about to turn off the light when I hear a knock on my door.I sigh as I head to open it.I'm now wearing my baby blue night gown my mother made for me- before she left.Then I hear Jay's voice and I head back to my bed. "Go away, or I'll call security", I threaten. "Nadia, call Mark.Either way, I'm staying with you", he says.I retreat and open the door as it swings open. "Do you always get what you want?", I cross my arms.Before I can protest, he walks in the room and tosses his bags to the side and closes the door. He sighs. "Let's just get this over with", he whispers to me.He heads into the bathroom to change- I guess- and I whisper back. "Fine by me". I slip under the covers, and sprayl on it.My hands and leg's all over the place.I shut my eye's since I've already turned off the light, and hope I can just fall asleep. While my eye's are still closed I can hear him come out of the bathroom and throw something on the floor.When all of a sudden I feel him getting on the bed, and I jump up. "What are you doing?", my voice is sharp. "Look, I don't have a sleeping bag with me and I'm not sleeping on the dirty floor.I'm sleeping here, on the bed, since I have as much right as you do.Be my guest and sleep on the floor", he says. After concidering it, I lay back down on the bed and give him all the room he needs. "Night", I say sharply.He mumbles something back, and I concentrate on getting to sleep.I glance at the glow in the dark digital clock on the wall, it reads 12:30 AM. During my sleep I shift my body and wake up.I can hear a snoring and remember that Jay's sleeping with me.I nasty thought pops in my head, but I shake it off.Like it's gonna happen now. Suddenly, I feel Jay's bare arm brush mine.On impulse, I smile.I'm gonna get no sleep, I think.
------------- I can feel someone's arm grabbing my own and my eye's shoot open.It's pitch black, I'm trying to make out who it is next to me and then I remember who it is.Jay. I sigh and glance to at the glow in the dark clock. "5:67AM?", I whisper.Jay grunts and I sink back into where I lay.I haven't gotten, really, any sleep. After another few minutes of just Jay snooring I sit up. "Forget this", and snort.My hands rumage around on the floor for my slipper's, once I find them next to my suitcase I put them on, grab my suitcase, and stumble my way into the bathroom. As I shut the door, my suitcase falls over and thumps. "Dammit", I say under my breath as I get on my knees and start putting everything back inside. As I hurry to pile everything inside, I come across; my purple toe socks, my three-hundred toothbrushes, my compact mirror, and a picture frame.When I have everything inside, I grab the picture frame and turn it over to see who it is. I can feel my face growing into a frown.A picture of me and Jay back in California. I sigh. "I'm better off...alone!".And I toss the picture in the trash and exhale loudly. "Nadia, you in there!?", I hear Jay pounding on the other side of the door. "I need to go to the bathroom!", he complains. "Go-", I stop myself from saying something. "Ah, hold on!", I yell.I open my make up bag and begin to dig through it. About an hour later, I open the door.I'm dazzling in white sundress with heart-shaped flowers all over it, my black leather sandless, and my hair down in long curvy curls, and my make up...uhm, heavy.With a lot of eye shadow, eye liner, glitter, glossy lips, pink cheeks, and sunglasses to pull off my "new" look. I look around the room. "Jay?", I ask.He's not here, I think.Fine, I half-smile, I'm gonna be late, anyway. I grab my purse and head out the door.I lock the door and begin to walk through the hall. "Nadia!" I turn around, at the othe end of the hall, to see Karri.She quickly joggs over to me and gives me a hug. "Are you ok?", she asks. I plaster a smile on my face. "Yeah!Yeah, why wouldn't I be ok", I chuckle.I grab her arm and lead her away. She looks at me, questioning. "Nadia, did you forget what happened yesterday?Jay broke-", she says. "I remember, Jay broke up with me", I tell her very cheery, at least on the outside.She nods at me as I push the elevador button. "And I'm ok with that", I lie. She keeps staring at me. "What?", I finally ask her. "Nadia Bjorlin, I have known you your entire life; I know when you're lying to me", Karri scorns as the elevador door opens, I pull her in with me and push 'level 0' for Lobby. "Well, then we've been apart too long because I am not lying to you...or to anyone else", I lie.She considers it a moment and smile's. "Ok, I believe you'll get through this.I mean, I know how much you like Jay", she smile's. "Used to like", I correct her.She nod's and giggle's. "What's so funny?", I ask her. "Nothing, really, nothing.Except, well, yesterday...uhm, well to make a long story longer-", she pauses. "Kyle kissed me yesterday afte we got stuck in here", she whispers. So, my best friend and my ex are now an item.It hit me hard, like when you do a belly flop- that kinda hard.It's not that I'm jelouse she has Kyle, now.I could never commit to him, or Jay I guess.God!When is this gonna be pass!?! ***** Jay is standing around in the Lobby, looking for Kyle.He turns around and spots him walking towards him. "Kyle, hey!", Jay greet's him.Kyle slaps his hand and smile's. "What are you waiting for?", Kyle asks as Jay pushes him back, a bit.He's hidding something, Kyle thinks as he watches Jay push something down his back pocket. "Ah...you", Jay chuckles. "I'm off to check out the town and I was wondering if we could go, together.I don't wanna go alone", he laughs. "Don't tell me you might get lost?The all-mighty, all-doing, doing-everyone, Jay?", he jokes. "Yeah", Jay whispers as he patt's his back pocket.After he saw Nadia leave the room, he sneaked back in, and went into the bathroom for his toothbrush.He accidentaly found the picture in the trash can.Needless to say he picked it up, and decided to keep it. "So, are you up for it?", he asks. "Sure, but I told Karri to meet us here so we have to wait for 'er", he says. "Shoulnd't take long", he assured Jay as they sat on the nearby stools. After they talked about where they might go, Kyle felt a tapp on his shoulder and hugged Karri when he turned around. After they parted. "So, what are we gonna do today?", Karri laughed and faced Kyle. "How about movie's and eating", he offered. "And shopping", Karri chimmed in. The whole time, Jay doesn't realize I'm standing close by- getting my mail from the counter.He keeps his eye's down, when I feel Karri grab my arm and make me present. "Hi", I whisper.Suddenly, Jay's head shoots up, and his lips form a smile. "Well, I don't know about you guys.But I'm hitting the singles bars...around here", I lie.The whole time the three of them are staring at me as if I'm a ghost. "Nadia, are you ok?", Karri asks me. I nod, "Yes, yes, yes.I feel like I'm on top of the world", I lie.I look at Jay, he looks at me, he get's up, walks towards me, and passes right by me. I quickly turn around. "Did I upset you, Jay?", I ask him as he stops. "Nadia I don't know if you know this but-", he begins. "Oh, I probably don't", I smirk and he crosses his arms. "Nadia, what we had- it was love.I-I think it was, even if you don't.For me, it happened in an instant.When you walked through the door, it was like you walked into my heart, Nadia.I'm sorry it's over, you don't think I am- but I am.But it is over, and like that saying goes...", he trails off. "Like that saying goes, it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all?", I whisper. He nod's as he walks away, I whimper. "But I still love...", I whisper. "Karri, Kyle you guys go ahead", I tell them, still facing Jay as he heads into the elevador. "Are you sure", Karri asks me. "Yeah, I'm not going anywhere", I whisper to them right before I grab my bag and head for the stairs.
I knock on the closed door. �Jay, are you in there?�, I ask. My bag is heavy as two bowling balls, so I let it down softly and keep banging on the door. �Come on, I forgot my keys in my dresser!�. Ok, I think as I place my ear flat on the door to see if I could hear anything going on inside. I begin to hear water running, �Of course�, I whisper sharply. My hands drop to my side, I sigh, and pick up my bag�s. �Ma�am, may I help you?�. I turn around to see the manager of the hotel standing there, I spot his chain of keys. �Yeah�, I begin, �I got locked out of my room and well, my roomate apparently can�t hear me�, I smile. The man nods as he pick�s out one key and opens the door. �There you go�, he whispers. �Have a nice stay�, he tells me. I smile, he leaves, and I shut the door. �Finally!�. I glance at the bathroom door, I can see the light�s from the bathroom flicker. �Are you done?�, I grunt. Tossing my bag to the floor and sitting down on my unmade bed, I begin to look through my new issue of SOD. Not talking to me, eh? Perfect, I smirk. �Oh, wow... Is Days� Chloe leaving Philip...and going for Brady?�, I read the headliner. �Sounds good to me�, I whisper. The pages just seem to pass under my finger�s, nothing good, I think and throw the magazine on the floor near my feet. I quickly glance at the door, Maybe I should of gone with them. When the bathroom door open ajar, �Nadia, I�m just coming out �cause I forgot something�, Jay�s voice was jagged, �Fine�, I murmur. Once I do, he opens the door further, his wet right leg comes out first, and his other leg follows. I watch, entranced, as his moist chest along with his colorless towel around his waist is exposed. Suddenly, all my feelings of hatred or betrayal are washed out of my body. All that is left is my feeling of fondness for him, at least at that moment. My face keeps still as he looks at me, questioning. �Are...are you ok?�, he asks. I shake my head, �I mean, yeah�, I quickly reply. He nods as he slowly walks from the bathroom door to his side of the dresser drawer. I�m guessing he must have put all of his things away while I wasn�t here. I drop my eye�s, remembering what state I was in. �Stupid�, I sigh. His face shoots in my direction, �Are you talking about me?�, he asks in a demanding voice. I shake my head, �Why would I be talking about you�, I add a sarcastic tone with a phony smile. He looks back at his drawer, snatches a t-shirt, �What�s got you acting all sarcastic?�, he snorts. �I�m not acting�, I say. He laughs, �You�re a good actress, Nadia, but not that good. I know when you�re lying�, he whispers. I cross my arms and tilt my head, �You don�t know me that well, Jay!�, I shout. I watch on as Jay flings his t-shirt at the wall. �Nadia, you don�t have to yell! You always yell!�, he shouts. I shake my head in response, �You yell�, I add. His hands clutch into a fist, �I never yell!�, he make�s it clear. �You�re yelling now!�, I shove the magazine at him, but I miss. It�s too light in weight. �Because I�m trying to get a point across, to you�, he says. I laugh, �Oh ,yeah. What could that be?�, I say sarcastically. �That I�m the stupidest guy in the world!! �So are you!�, he bellows. His hands wrap around his body, hugging himself. �I am not a stupid guy�, I joke. �Oh yeah�, he says sarcastically, �I meant you have some learning to do too�, he whispers. I collapse flat on my back onto the bed, �So?�, I ask as I stare at the ceiling. I pout my lips and think, I know what he means, I know. Jay walks to the bathroom, he realizes the water is still running. �I have to finish my shower�, he says. I sit up, �So go ahead�, I tell him. His eye�s get narrow, �Whatever you say...�, he says to me. �Don�t you mean whatever you say�, I correct him. I see his chest rising and falling with every breath he takes before he speaks. �Can you answer something for me, if you don�t want to be here then why didn�t you go with Kyle and Karri? Instead you�re here with me�, he asks. I nod, �Because I want to be here, with you�, and whisper. "What is that suppost to mean?", he asks as he shuts the bathroom door. I smile sheepishlee, what more do I have to lose if I just say it? Nothing, "Ok, so it means that I wanted to be with you. I don't want to hanging out with Kyle and Karri- the new love birds- when I know that I'll be feeling pain every time I see them holding hands or kissing or whatever, Jay!", I shout. I clear my throat, "It's always gonna happen", I whisper. Why do I keep doing this? He looks at me, astonished. "Whatever", I whisper as I land back on the bed. I begin to think of what could happen next, what IS going to happen, and why it'll happen. The few moments of silence, all that is heard in this room is the water from the shower head running. I sigh, "Aren't you going to turn it off, already?", I ask him. I hear him coming towards me, so I sit up and ask, "Are you listening to me?". His now dry body, begins to walk towards me. "Nadia, I just things to be the same. Back to normal", he says as he sit's down next to me. I look at him, his eye's are pleading for something, from me. "It's always about what you want isn't it?", I turn away. All of a sudden I feel his hand on my knee, rubbing it. I shoot him a look. "Nothing's gonna make it go back to normal, now", I reply. He shakes his head and smile's. "I know what will, if you let me", he says. I can feel my heart beating faster as his hand leisurely travels higher towards my thigh. I gaze into his eye's, and think he can feel it too. I take a exhale loudly, "Let me guess, a simple little kiss", I whisper as I lean into his waiting lips. My arm swings around his damp neck as he pulls me into a lingering kiss. I don't know what provoked this, I keep thinking as we keep kissing. His ruff lips on my own, as they curl into a smile. -----------
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