9. Baseball. Get serious.
8. Real men don't wear figure skates.
7. Golf. Hmmm. This one's a toss up. Both sports involve knocking a hard rubber object into a target with a carbon stick while wearing hideous clothing.
6. Cinemas, while somehow just as cold as hockey arenas, just can't achieve the same enthusiasm levels. ( And no funky chicken.)
5. Better sound effects than even the coolest computers.
4. Boxing is arguably the same sport, but those wimps do it without skates.
3. Just not enough violence in football.
2. Stamp-collecting is for referees.
1. When's the last time you went to the ballet and a really good fight broke out?
9. Too many men on the linesman.
8. Shucking and jiving.
7. Octopi in the face.
6. Two words: Sequined Gloves.
5. Illegal use of pants.
4. Doin' the hokey Pokey.
3. Icing the mascot.
2. Two guys, one goalie uniform.
1. Grand theft zamboni.
9. "That foot-in-the-crease" has really improved the game in many ways."
8. (Anything having to do with Mike Keenan)
7. (Anything having to do with press coverage of how salary negotiations proceed in a friendly manner.)
6. "We think his agent advised him wisely."
5. "Don't sweat it kid -- we're just sending you down to the minors for a few weeks."
4. "Our players never take pain killers."
3. "I don't care if I am not scoring, so long as the team is winning."
2. "Honest coach, I only had two beers last night."
1. "Don't worry, my roommate is a really heavy sleeper."
9. Goodbye dull family station wagon, hello zamboni.
8. Harder for the other teams to score goals with that giant cup in the crease.
7. Fifty free stitches from doctor of your choice.
6. Chance to move to St. Louis for bigger money.
5. Olczyk now entitled to buy a vowel.
4. Three words: Free Streisand Tickets.
3. When jammed into your steering wheel, Stanley Cup works better than "The Club."
2. Although it has nothing to do with this list, I'd just like to take a moment to say, "Potvin sucks!"
1. My friend, you can't drink beer out of a Nobel Prize.
9. He thinks being sent down to Las Vegas is a GOOD thing.
8. He thinks "Road Trips" means traveling via bus...
7. Everyone mispronounces his last name and he won't say anything about it.
6. He thinks preseason games have an "awfully high intensity level"....
5. You find him duct-taped to his locker after practice.
4. He thinks Coach is a "Pretty Good Guy!"
3. He actually follows curfew...
2. He freezes up every time he's interviewed and says, "Uhhhhhh.....mmmmmmmm.....uhhhhh....."
1. He keeps asking "CAN I DRIVE THE ZAMBONI ? CAN I ? HUH? CAN I PLEASE?"
9. Chasing squirrels around the arena parking lot after practice.
8. Get a couple of them and DRAG!
7. Doin' donuts at the face off circles.
6. "Just wait until next time Coach makes me mad!"
5. "Aw Coach, I was just doing my Jeff Gordon impression!"
4. Scaring the heck out of ice level broadcasters and analysts.
3. "I just need it to smooth off my lake at home."
2. Provides a moving target for slap-shot practice.
1. CAN YOU SAY ZAMBONI GIRL!!!!!!?
