Volume I, Issue 7 September 1997
Although smiling, these two owners have lost again to Rich Polin's Astros
Commissioner's Notes
The last two months have been a little disappointing to say the least. Lesson learned? Back up your files. Next season it will be mandatory that each team retain copies of all its STS files in case of just such an emergency. I appreciate the time most everyone has taken to help get us back to close to where we should have been. If you are still behind, please get everything up to date by the 15th.
ISSUES
The web site has come under fire for being out of date. For this, I apologize. However, each member is more than welcome to contribute more than the monthly writing for the Home Plate Press. If you have a boxscore of interest, send it to me with a writeup of the game. If there is an issue burning at your heart, take advantage of the opportunity to put an editorial on the home page. In short, don't just bitch, take action!
Any rules proposals should be made to me by the end of September. We will discuss them in October and vote in November. Now is your chance to shape the league in your own image.
ALL-STAR GAME
Here are the selectees (non-pitchers) for the 1997 MBL All-Star Game in St Louis. Starters are in bold:
MCGRAW LEAGUE:
Mike Piazza, Ivan Rodriguez, Fred McGriff, Jeff Bagwell, Eric Young, Craig Biggio, Jim Thome, Matt Williams, Derek Jeter, Cal Ripken, Ellis "Island" Burks, Geronimo Berroa, Kenny Lofton, Lance Johnson, Tony Gwynn, Jay Buhner, Raul Mondesi, Dante Bichette.
MACK LEAGUE:
Terry Steinbach, Charles Johnson, Mark McGwire, Mo Vaughn, Roberto Alomar, Chuck Knoblauch, Edgar Martinez, Ed Sprague, Alex Rodriguez, Rey Ordonez, Ryan Klesko, Barry Bonds, Ken Griffey, Jr., Marquis Grissom, Sammy Sosa, Jim Eisenreich, Frank Thomas, Larry Walker.
Bob Biermann, as manager of the Word Champion Dodgers, will choose the pitchers for the teams. Look for the boxscore and results in our end-of-season issue.
Harris
W L PCT GB Home Road 1-run Extra vs RHP vs LHP ShtOut
Houston Astros 81 55 .596 -- 39-27 42-28 20-22 8-9 47-46 34-9 8-3
San Diego Padres 65 71 .478 16.0 32-34 33-37 22-18 8-7 50-52 15-19 6-8
Washington Senators 65 71 .478 16.0 32-34 33-37 17-24 6-6 48-55 17-16 3-4
San Francisco Giants 63 69 .477 16.0 36-30 27-39 19-22 6-8 42-51 21-18 7-10
Philadelphia Phillies 58 78 .426 23.0 27-39 31-39 14-19 8-7 43-54 15-24 11-7
Rickey
W L PCT GB Home Road 1-run Extra vs RHP vs LHP ShtOut
Los Angeles Dodgers 85 61 .582 -- 44-31 41-30 30-18 6-4 60-47 25-14 6-9
New York Yankees 76 70 .521 9.0 40-35 36-35 19-23 7-6 52-52 24-18 4-6
Baltimore Orioles 62 65 .488 13.5 27-34 35-31 13-20 7-9 42-50 20-15 7-3
Toronto Blue Jays 62 74 .456 18.0 34-36 28-38 22-17 6-8 48-55 14-19 9-7
Saint Louis Cardinals 57 84 .404 25.5 33-42 24-42 15-25 5-5 44-58 13-26 3-7
McCarthy
W L PCT GB Home Road 1-run Extra vs RHP vs LHP ShtOut
Montreal Expos 62 50 .554 -- 35-21 27-29 16-12 6-5 44-39 18-11 3-4
Kansas City Royals 65 61 .516 4.0 36-34 29-27 22-14 5-7 51-42 14-19 4-6
New York Mets 46 57 .447 11.5 18-24 28-33 11-14 8-5 37-42 9-15 3-7
Oakland Athletics 47 59 .443 12.0 27-28 20-31 13-21 4-7 37-42 10-17 9-3
Minnesota Twins 47 75 .385 20.0 26-40 21-35 20-24 8-10 33-55 14-20 2-6
Hornsby
W L PCT GB Home Road 1-run Extra vs RHP vs LHP ShtOut
Atlanta Braves 80 57 .584 -- 38-28 42-29 15-18 4-6 59-45 21-12 9-6
Milwaukee Brewers 75 57 .568 2.5 38-28 37-29 23-16 8-3 57-40 18-17 9-6
Anaheim Angels 71 61 .538 6.5 40-26 31-35 22-15 6-5 48-45 23-16 1-5
Chicago Cubs 71 61 .538 6.5 36-30 35-31 24-14 6-6 49-45 22-16 7-7
Seattle Mariners 67 69 .493 12.5 31-35 36-34 13-14 8-7 49-49 18-20 8-5
PHILLIPS WELCOMED TO PHILLYJuly saw a marked improvement in the Phillies' peformance as a team. Nevertheless, a nine-game winning streak at the end of the month was not enough to pull the team out of the basement of the Harris division. The success that the team experienced during the course of July also came at a high price in terms of injuries. As the team prepared for its August schedule, manager Al Newman could only muster 27 out of the 35 players allowed for the annual call-up at season's end. Things could not have looked worse for the Phils upon the resumption of play following the All-Star break. The month began with a series split against visiting Toronto, which came as something of a relief - the prior series at Skydome saw the Phils lose all four games. 1B Eric Karros smacked two round-trippers for the home team, while RF Orlando Merced contributed with another. SPs Pedro Astacio and Denny Neagle each recorded their eigth win against the struggling Blue Jays. The Phils then boarded a plane to visit sunny San Diego, where the Padres continue to enjoy a successful "rebuilding" season. Uncharacteristically, the Phillies took three of five on this road series. Karros and Merced again led the hitting attack, with the latter trashing Padre pitching to the tune of seven RBIs and a trio of home runs. The pitching star was RP Jeff Shaw, who recorded his first save for the season. Shaw also proved adept with the bat, knocking a single in his first plate appearance of the season. Karros was the defensive stud, making three spectacular plays at first. The team's "torrid" winning pace did not last, however, upon their return to the Vet to face the division-leading Astros. Having lost the final two contests at Jack Murphy, the Phils embarked on a six-game losing streak by dropping the first four games against Houston. Hitting was sparse, despite yet another home run by Merced. Astacio recorded the only win in the series. The next series was a four-game visit to the Bronx to face the Yankees. This series resulted in another split, which was favorable relative to the Phils' normal performance on the road. LF Dante Bichette led the way on offense, knocking ten hits and recording three RBIS as well as his 16th shot of the season. Picked up prior to the series by Gambino management, former Brewer Derrick May knocked a double in his first plate appearance for Philadelphia. The most inspiring pitching performance came from SP Orel Hershiser, who picked up yet another loss (his 13th), despite pitching six strong innings and fanning seven. C Benito Santiago gave the usual solid performance behind the plate. Nevertheless, his five-game injury signalled the onset of a disturbing trend that would continue until the end of the month. Up until this point, the roof did not "cave in" for the Philllies, as many editorial pundits had predicted. As the series against visiting and much-hated San Francisco would prove, the contrary was the case. The five-game sweep that ensued is difficult to explain: the Giants had ample opportunies to win every game, but refused to do so. In a shot directed at Giants' manager Earl Weaver, Newman remarked that the visitors' languid performance was an example of "bad management," and proceeded to publicly question Weaver's decision to have CF Lance Johnson attempt a steal of home with the Giants trailing 2-0 with two outs in the top of the ninth. Johnson was easily thrown out. "Weaver must be senile. Either that, or that god-awful perm is affecting his brain." Bad blood also arose in the Giants' clubhouse when the visitors took the field to see "DO NOT SNORT" signs next to the chalk baselines and the batter's box. IF/OF Tony Phillips was inexplicably upset. Groundskeeper Gianfranco Cardozzo denied all knowledge of the signs' origin. This series win came at a particularly high cost (ED note: in addition to the expense to line the field), however, when CF Chad Curtis stepped on an anti-personnel mine tossed from the Giants' dugout while he was on his way to first base after having drawn a walk. Keeping with the league's home-road-home-road schedule pattern, the Phils were off to the hostile confines of RFK in Washington to play the fourth-place Senators. Dubbed the "Battle of the Basement" by many sports writers, the series saw Philadelphia win four of five. Santiago led the trashing of Senator pitching with seven hits, four RBIs and a pair of homers. On the pitching front, Hershiser outdid himself, leaving Senator hitters stymied with only two hits in eight innings while striking out seven and allowing no runs. Neagle also gained a win, striking out seven in eight innings. RP Dan "the Gas Can" Plesac also joined the "7K" club, and picked up three saves in the series while blowing none. Santiago proved a marvel on defense, making four spectacular plays. The sole loss in game five marked the end to a nine-game winning streak, the team's longest. Newman was particularly gratified about the performance against Washington, noting "they [the press] said we'd never beat the team that lost ninety games. They said we were worse than the Senators.They were wrong. Nobody is worse than the Washington Senators." He then opened his jersey to reveal an Ottawa Senators T-shirt, and inexplicably remarked, "The Hawks better watch out this season." HIT LIST: Shaw's single against San Diego technically makes him the team's batting leader, with a 1.000 average...SS Chris Gomez and 3B Jeff Cirillo have complained of fatigue and will probably be "rested" for the remainder of the season." Luis "the Human Torch" Andujar has been called up along with phenom Rocky Coppinger from Scranton as part of the team's expansion to the 35-man roster effective 7 August. Forthcoming home series of interest are Washington, (13-17 August) and San Diego (29 August-3 September). Stay tuned for promotion details. 
SPECIAL GUESTSToday we feature a special celebrity edition of Astros report. The Astros recently have played better, enjoying a 3-2 win over Washington, a 5-0 series sweep of SanDiego, and ekeing out a 2-2 tie with LA. We asked a host of national and international celebrities/notararies to comment on the Astros recent success. Mike Tyson: You know it was ludicrous how bad they was playing. They just kept getting butted and butted till there wasn't any thing else they could have done. It was ludicrous. Uh what was the questions? Beavis and Butthead: Huh, Huh huh. Uh it's like they sucked, and now they're just like they suck. Huh Huh. They've got Jeff "Fag-well" Huh Huh Huh. He said "Fag" Huh Huh Huh. He Huh Huh. He's a wuss. Huh huh Huh Austin Powers: It is so groovey, baby. They've got those psychodelic multicolored striped uniforms, first worn by the Trogs for their UK tourin 67, baby. They're on a roll, baby, and like me they "Shag well." Gianni Versacce: No comment Newt Gingrich: For the millionth time, no comment. Why don't all you commie reporters just leave me alone. You're always twisting everything. Mark Fuhrman- off the record: You let me do my job, I'll have those n.....s Lofton and Jordan and Eric Davis beat up or in jail faster than they could say "Jackie Robinson" and I don't think they'd be riding quite so high now, do you? OJ: If they win the series, do you think anyone would be willing to spend their bonus money on my Heismann? Pete Rose: I've got 50 grand on the Dodgers in 6. Vanilla Ice: Yeah man, they cool, like the iceman. Uh, got a dime. Joe Piscopo: THE BIG STORY. CAREER OVER. ONCE EDDIE MURPHEY, NOW INFOMERCIALS. BAGWELL AND CAMINITI- LOSE THE GOATEES. ANYBODY NEED SOME VITAMINS. Chris I'm Bermann, I'm Bermann for you: In June the Astros were stumblin' bumblin' fumblin but then behind Jeff "Brown Paper" Bagwell, Dave Burba "Shave", and Craig "Matinee at the" Biggio, came backbackbackbackbackback to lead the division coming into the season's final month.
King of the Hill Cast:
By the way, congratulations to former Astro and current Padre Leo Gomez who
hit 4 homeruns in a recent series in Houston. The Houston fans and
organization appreciate Leo's many years of productive service. Sayonara 
CUBS RESPOND TO SLANDER EFFORTThis month's article will be even stranger than last month's article. After the last HPP was published, Chris was told by one of the league members that I had advocated changing games for league play in my article. Even before he read the article for himself he sent my a message asking if this was true. Here is my response. Hi Chris, Without any initial commentary here is the HPP article I wrote for June. Please read/reread it, then read my new note to you at the end. Your note to me the other day ask if I was advocating a change of games for the league. After reading the article do you think that is what I meant? Thank you for not believing the rumor that you heard and asking me first instead of jumping to conclusions. As you have read I did not say that we should change games, but the that the game needs improvement. My intent with the core of this article was to shake everyone's cage a little. This year has been a disaster. Very little info from league officers, I still do not know what happened to Bob's stat files. I gather that he had a disk crash of something. The only thing that I know is I was ask to resupply him with STS files from previous month's series. The web site was a great idea, but it is only updated at the most only every two weeks and sometimes not for more than a month. Way to much turn over in team ownership. The change in league policy away from everyone having the same type of account has been a huge pain in the ass. Although CSi just sent out a letter stating that their latest version of mail will transfer files via the internet without doing anything special, that may help. I feel that the league is falling apart. With your departure from the MBL, are any original members left? The ones that I know or have meet are yourself, John, Tommy, and Rich. Yes I am guilty of throwing stones, since I have never held office in the MBL, but working a full time job and runnig my own business which is open seven days a week, does not leave me much time. I guess that is the reason I let these league/game problems bother me. The MBL is one of the few things that I set time aside for each day. I do consider pouring over the box scores each morning a league scouting activity. You are the first person who has sent me E-mail on the subject of what I wrote last month. Did my attempt to shake up the owners have an effect? Very little, I just think most of them don't care, but at least someone told you that I wrote about DD. Last week, three weeks after writing this article, I received a note from the Commish stating that you probably will not have an update to the game itself in '98. I do not know what your plans or problems are with DD. Do you still plan for it to be a major commercial venture? Are you having problems finding a programmer? Are there known problems with the game that can not or would be to time consuming to fix? Even if I wanted to change games, I would not know what else is out there. Chris your game is the only one I have played in over eight years. Are there other games that have stolen your approach to the game? Your "pitcher controls each play" approach is still the best idea I have ever heard. I have considered taking your game mechanic and applying it to a football game. The game would be based on using the offensive line as the starting point for the success of each play. I love playing football strategy games almost as much as baseball. In St. Louis I participated in a S-O-M draft/keeper league and all the games were face to face(lots of home grown league rules to determine which defensive cards would be used). Each game took about two and half hours to play and were very intense. Have you ever considered producing any other sports games? On a more personal side, what are you doing these days? Is life treating you well? One question I have wanted to ask for a long time, are you a fan of the X-Files or just Gillian? I am really whacked out on this stuff. My wife and I have watched since the beginning, and enjoy it very much. Since moving to the Emerald Coast six and one half years ago, we have become intrigued by UFO's and related events. We also attend the annual Gulf Breeze UFO convention. Neither one of us had an interest in the topic before moving here. Then we heard about Ed Walters and all of the sitings which have been occurring in this area for the last ten years. It was all just entertainment, until an unidentifyable craft flew very low over our car, while we were traveling on Hwy. 98 near Gulf Breeze one night. It went over so close that the two rows of lights on the bottom of the craft cast shadows in our car. It sped out over the tree tops toward the Gulf of Mexico which is less than a mile from the highway. I can not tell you what it was. Now take a moment and think about who just said that, I have over 17 years experience working on military aircraft. We live near several air bases and on a daily basis see conventional aircraft flying including jets, propellor craft, and helicopters, both during the day and at night. I can not tell you what is was, but I can tell you what is was not. Since then we have had two other sitings, both much less dramatic, but these two were from our home.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, 
THE LONG, SLOW FADEThe month of "July" was filled with the dog day doldrums. The Jays just didn't generate much in the way of offense or pitching but never really fell apart either. The net result was an further erosion of their record. Manager Buddy Bell is vbeing besiege with 'helpful' advice ranging from bench/trade everybody to playing the veterans exclsuively. Rumors abound about front office personnel positioning themselves for the anticipated purge. Given the abysmal offense this year, the name that come up most [in dismaissal speculation] is Hitting Coach Al Kaline. Al, ever accessable when a player, accepted our request for a short chat.
HPP: "Al...do you think your days are numbered as hitting coach?"
The McGwire Touch My family was at the second home game with him on the team. You could feel the excitement in the air, which was not the case even twoo weeks before. The seats were full, with nearly half being so to watch BP. During the game, the fans gave Mark an ovation each time he came to the plate. It was also strangely enjoyable watching the local, NL fans support McGwire's AL interpretation of the strike zone. Each time Mark was K'd (twice) it was on called third strike which was [obviously] outside but within the zone granted as strikes in the NL -- the stadium everberated with booing. As a carry-over from interesting McGwire's performance, the fan base, including my easily bored offspring, remained interested in the game.
What I Did On My Summer Vacation
Jays Chatter:Jim Abbott, who has been struggling in the minors, announced that he will retire at the end of the year; rumor has it that he will be offered a coaching position next year and that will be called up for a farewell stint in September...Delino DeShields, despite batting below 0.190 all year, is on the verge of being the first Blue Jay to steal over 60 bases in a season since Harold Reynolds retired. |
A DAY IN THE LIFEWell, I am going to take a little different approach this article. I realize that some of my articles get boring. Ten years of writing about the same thing every month tends to give me a mental block from time to time. This month I am going to talk about me. No mention of those fucking Dodgers or the Great Mike Piazza or the Fucking Yankees or anything like that�..For those of you who don't know, I have a two year old daughter. She is awesome. I really wanted a boy but wouldn't trade her for the world. She likes me to read books to her. She will let me read the same book over and over. She really likes Winnie the Pooh. She knows all the characters names. Tigger is my favorite. He bounces��My daughter went potty on the big potty a couple weeks ago. I didn't even have to ask her to. I smiled��.I'm glad the Cowboys beat Pittsburgh the first week of the season. I don't like Cordell Stewart. I think he is a jerk��.I got Triple Play '98 for my birthday��..My favorite web site is www.greatxxx.com. I can stare at that for hours��.My wifes subscription to People magazine is about to expire. I've got to remember to write that check right after I write this article. She will kill me if she misses an issue��.I miss the Princess but I was really looking forward to having a beer and watching Saturday Night Live that night��.My softball team won our work league. We only lost 4 games all year��.I did pretty good in my football pool this week. I'll let you know if I won next month��I saw Air Force One tonight. I thought it was all right�..I helped Chip move last month. He has a nice house. It will be a lot nicer when he paints the yellow room�..Well, thats about all there is to me. I'm glad I've taken this time to introduce myself to the new owners and hope all the old timers feel like they know me all that much better. If this were a normal article, I would have just talked about my acquisition of Gary Sheffield and Dean Palmer but I know you don't care. ---Bob Biermann 
SOTOLAR SPEAKSThe Yankees owner and his new wife have moved into a new house. The two moved in the first part of August and have now moved closer to the fellow owner of the Toronto Blue Jays Joe Samocha. Owner Sotolar had lived by the L.A Dodgers owner Bob Biermann but stated the fact that the "neighborhood has gotten quite snobby". This can be attributed to the recent winning years by the Dodgers. " It seems that the area has gone downhill as many 'undesirables' have moved in. Many Dodgers players have moved in and it seems that family values have drastically dropped," explained Sotolar. When pressed further to explain he had "no comment". It is believed that the lifestyle of the Dodgers main players were the reason behind the relocation. This doesn't even include that fact that St.Louis' owner Chuck Engle and his dog circus also lived in the same area. The material following was sent to the fine writers of BASEBALL WEEKLY. Since this is a LEAGUE ABOUT BASEBALL the management of the Yankees feel it is more relevant to write information about the Yankees than it is to give information about the Yankees owners. The only time personal info about the Yankees owners will be given is when major events take place. Examples would be marriage , the purchase of a first home and the birth of a minority owner. Other items would best be discused by other means. I happen to read Baseball Weekly every week and do not mind that it only contains baseball info. I find the articles in the HOME PLATE PRESS more interesting when the teams are being talked about. I like to read about what other teams are doing. This is nothing personal against fellow owners, just a reply to another owners opinions. Every one has their own opinions and are entitled to them, no matter how silly they might appear to others. Now on to the Yankees past months. The Yankees continue to stay within striking distance of the Dodgers but seem to be running out of gas. While the Yankees were playing a series against the Cardinals a major trade between the Cards and Dodgers took place. The trade seemed to solidify the Dodgers stretch run and put the Yanks in an extremely bad position. If you would like to read about the trade please look at the Dodgers home plate article. Hopefully they took the time and thought it would be of enough interest to include in their monthly article. It probably only gave them the division title and a good shot at repeating their Molson Championship. That should be enough to make a team article. Good thing the trade wasn't involving another team in the MBL. A reader of the Home Plate Press may never hear about the trade if it was up to that teams owner.
The Yankees will close their season against the division rivals Dodgers, Blue Jays and Cardinals. This season looks lost and the Yankees will begin setting their sights on next year. The Yanks have interest in a second baseman and thirdbaseman. The contract with Gary Gaetti is up in the air right now. Gaetti hasn't decided if he will be back for one more year or not. The Yanks don't know if secondbaseman Jeff Frye is their answer next year at the position or not. They are looking for players at those positions. If any teams have available players please let the Yankee management know. 
SARGENT SUGGESTSThe mess that we've had this year with the stats has proven the necessity of everybody keeping their own stats and particularly the STS files for each and every series that their team has played. The crash of Bob's computer has shown that computers are only machines and as such as susceptible to breakdowns and disk crashes. If everybody had kept their copy of the STS files, Bob could have come back up to speed immediately upon receipt of the files. Also, if you had been keeping your own stats then you would have known what your team stats were at this time. In keeping with Walt's suggestions, everybody here is doing fine. My minority owner, Michael, is now 18 months old and tearing around the place. Just tonight I had a "conversation" with him that consisted of him asking "what's this" and pointing to a part of my body. Once I finally deciphered what it was that he was saying (he slurs the words together) we had a good time. We're going to be back on hte East Coast just before and after Labor Day so that Michael can meet the rest of his relatives. So far, only my sister and one cousin have met him. We have a hectic schedule planned running around the Philadelphia metro area visiting everybody. We're flying into and out of Baltimore/Washington International and will be spending Tuesday in Baltimore seeing the sights of the Inner Harbor. Unfortunately, I wasn't thinking when I planned the trip and failed to check the Orioles schedule prior to purchasing the tickets. They are going to be in Florida on Labor Day and Tuesday but were playing an extended home stand the previous week. I had hopes that I might have been able to see them the day we arrived but our flight lands at 5:40 and they play at 3:05. Rats!
On my teams status, They have a record of 35-16, with 5 games unknow at this time, since the beginning of June. Unhappily, they only had a record of 42-38 prior to June. If they had played this way the whole season I'd be
comfotably in hte lead right now instead of fighting for first. I do wish that I knew what the other teams records are at this time (8/27) so that I could plan out my players' schedule for the remaining games. As a result of this and my vacation, I won't be sending out my road manager to Anaheim (a prime contender at last notice of June 15) until at least Sept 4. 
MARINER SQUANDER TALENT AGAINBy Spike Jones - Special to the Home Plate Gazette The Seattle Mariners treat talent lately as if it were a free resource. Generally the more talent available to the organization, the less they respect it. The Mariners drafts over the last 10 years has been as good as anyone's. Last year Randy Johnson went 20-10 with a 2.57 ERA - for Atlanta, Mike Lansing a 1993 graduate of the farm system is swatting the ball magnificently in Montreal. Both men are in their prime, and one might think that the Mariners perhaps would project what their team would be like if they had an ace in the rotation and a solid major leaguer at second base, slap themselves in the forehead and say, "we can't let this happen again." The Mariners still have all sorts of young talent, Griffey Rodriguez, et. al., so they think it is a free resource, never going to run out. Not properly chastised for the loss of Johnson and Lansing the team went for the hat trick with Jose Cruz Jr. The Mariners have not been winners in the MBL in a long time. While most teams in the MBL have been up and down, the Mariners have only been down and downer. The failure of the team to improve is in part due to the organization's failure to perceive a simple reality: that young men who can play baseball are precious to baseball teams. You shouldn't give one away unless you get one back. My first reaction to the Jose Cruz Jr. trade was that it was another mistake, worse than the Mike Lansing fiasco. While management in Seattle has its good points, its interaction with Cruz shows its big flaw, focusing on short-term productivity rather than long-term value. Matt William's days of hitting 40 home runs are behind him, Cruz's are ahead of him. One suspects that Cruz was traded because he didn't like GM Barry and
wouldn't pretend to like his extended seasoning at AAA Tacoma. If, as
has been suggested, that the Mariner brass did not like Cruz's low on
base for an outfielder, the logical move would be to groom him to be in
the 6 hole. Lord knows the Mariners have plenty of on-base talent at
the top of the lineup (unless they trade it). Still I remain high on
this team. I'll say the same thing I said last year. This team can be a playoff contender next season.
LANGSTON RELEASEDThe inevitable has finally taken place in San Diego as the team has released Mark Langston in order to sign Ramon Garcia. Langston, who along with Roger Clemens formed one of the best one-two tandems in the MBL during the heyday of the Perrotti Era, had just returned to the rotation after spending a month in Pawtucket --- his first non-injury demotion in eight years. "I wasn't really surprised," said Langston. "I thought I'd finish the year here, but I guess Whitey felt he needed to prepare for Boston once this season got away from us. Still, after Rocket was traded last winter, I knew my turn would come as well." Langston's release occurred at the same time the club cut popular secondbaseman Todd Haney. Haney, who was hitting near 300 and had establised a single-season record for sacrifice bunts and bunt singles, was outraged. "I have been Mr Padre all year long. This is horseshit. What an ungrateful organization. I saved their asses once they got rid of Robbie and now look how they repay me! Plus, to be cut for Belinda, a Gambino draft choice! How insulting!" Haney was released in favor of reliever Stan Belinda, a former rival with the Milwaukee Brewers. Over the last several months, Herzog has, indeed, altered the team as it prepares to move to the East coast next season. Added are Belinda, Gunderson, Garcia, Suppan, Pedro Martinez, Myers, Andruw Jones, Cruz, Jr., D'Amico, and Garciaparra; gone are Clemens, Langston, Scott, Tabaka, Williams, Alomar, Hoffman, Benes, and Ramon Martinez. Insiders say the changes have not ended and could include some moves higher up in the organization. "Herr will almost certainly be 'promoted' upstairs," once source told the Home Plate Press. So, who will open the 1998 season at the helm of the Red Sox? Rumors continue to swirl around the names Jerry Remy, Jim Rice, and Fred Lynn. Carlton Fisk has also been mentioned as a potential employee of the new franchise. Team owner Jack Buchanan has extended the contract of GM Whitey Herzog for another year. On the home front, I mowed the larn today and took out the garbage. Tonight I will head off to work to finish a briefing I am scheduled to present to CENTCOM and SOCOM early next week. I hope the Burger King is open so I can stop and try a BIG KING. Speaking of BIG KING, you know what they call a Whopper in Amsterdam? I don't know because I didn't go in a Burger King. Hold on --- phone call. OK, I am back. Where did I leave off? Oh yeah, my wife Jennifer is downstairs watching TV, probably the Home and Garden Network. We don't have any kids because we stopped having sex when we got married. Now, I call Bob on the phone, he puts the nice new corduroys on that his wife bought him, and we talk about what it must be like to have great sex. As a Redskins season ticket holder, I am excited about the upcoming season. I think we'll make the playoffs, but we have little chance of beating Dallas for the division title. The Pack will not go 19-0 because they are almost as big a bunch of dicks as the Cowboys. I am shedding no tears for San Fran, though. It is about time those wine-sipping yuppie fans deal with some adversity after DeBartolo has been cheating the cap for so many years. Oh, sorry, back to me. Grad school resumed last week, so I am really looking forward to finishing off the MBL schedule. Ooops ... there I go again. I really need to repaint our stairwell, but we have cathedral ceilings that would make it a complete bitch. I think I will let the next owner of the house do it. I also need a new computer desk since this one is falling apart, but I saw some nice expensive ones at the store. Would anyone give a shit about Princess Diana if she wasn't such a piece of ass? Mother Theresa dies and you don't see celebrities and Brokaw, etc., busting down doors to go to India. Is it because India is such a shit hole while London is prettier in September? Mother Theresa, for all she did, is about as attractive as the Senators owner's love interest --- Janet Reno. Come to think of it, I don't think many would attend her funeral, either. Is she still alive? I have two cats. One is Rocki, the other Natasha. If we get more pets, Bullwinkle and Boris might appear. That reminds me ... I need to go clean their litter box. I went to Tiger Stadium for an exciting game with the Phillies Labor Day weekend. Although the place was a dive, it was neat to be there. I was impressed with the Detroit faithful who actually watched the game and stayed until it ended. They responded to each pitch and, surprisingly, acted as if the game were a playoff game. I'd much rather watch a game with Tiger fans than the often disinterested, casual fan at Camden Yards. Camden Yards has surpassed the game as an attraction and the impact on fan behavior is apparent. Sure, O's fans get noisy during matchups with the Yankees, but I'd love to see the crowd in a game against a NL team with nothing on the line but pride. Also, the Ravens didn't even sell out their first home game of the year, so the game was blacked out in Maryland. Still, Raven fans always yell about how the purple and black, not the burgundy and gold, are the true team of the region.
SOX YARNS: Herzog has indicated the team is looking for a fifth starter and third- or secondbaseman for next season. With the emergence of rookies Garciaparra and Cruz, Jr., at Pawtucket, John Valentin will be moved to second or third next season and Ron Gant has become available. ... Congratulations to Rich on his minority owner and second pennant in three years. ... Clandestine press reports indicate Lady Di told her driver to "step on the gas" so she could get to the video store before it closed to rent Howard Stern's Private Parts. ... The Washington Capitals, Buchanan's entry in the MHL, is proud to announce the signing of C/LW Chris Gratton to a five-year deal. Gratton was the club's first selection in the inaugural league draft. 
ANOTHER STATEMENTMy team is still shitty, but it's gaining on the Phillies. ---Chuck Engle |
