The last two months of the season are upon us and we still have legitimate races in all but the Harris Division. Congratulations, Rich!

This month we welcome Rick Cole, the second Canadian of the MBL. I was happy to hear he accepted the opportunity to own the Athletics since he has already proven himself to be an active member of the Molson Hockey League. Welcome, Rick! Unfortunately, Rick's addition comes at the loss of Chris. Good luck with Black Bear Designs and we'll see you again, I'm sure, in the future.

In case you haven't noticed, there will be a two-week break the second half of August to allow you to plan usage with whole and accurate stats. It is important that everyone be caught up by then. On-time money for stats is ONLY awarded when all statistics are in prior to the reporting date. If you still have not reported stats from an April series, you also received no money in May, June, or July.

Diamond Notes

Chris told me there is little chance that park effects will be implemented in next season's Diamond Dreams. As of now, anticipate the same basic gameplay. Modifications will likely be made elsewhere as a result of interleague play in the major leagues. Stay tuned...

Rules

Yes, it is that time of year again. Start floating around ideas for discussion. We will vote in November ... well before the draft.

As commissioner, I'd like to propose protected rookies cost you your highest draft choices regardless of which slot it is in. For example, if I have four picks in the first round and keep five players, I would not draft from the pool until the third round. If I bought another first-rounder on draft day, I would free up my second-round pick. This will help distribute talent more evenly through the draft since it will lessen the chance that sure-fire first-rounders will be "chosen" in the eighth round.

All-Star Game

If you have not already done so, be sure to send in your all-star ballot by the 15th of July. Fines will be imposed on all abstainers, just like in the good ol' USSR.

Unavailable at time of press

AARON SMILES ON IMPROVEMENT Manager Hank Aaron finally had a month in which he felt that the Atlanta Braves played the way that he knew they could. "I've been real frustrated with staying around .500 when I knew that the team was better than that", stated Aaron. "The batting and pitching all came together at the same time and allowed us to go 17-7." With Robbie Alomar getting on-base and being brought around by Williams, Higginson, and Jones, the Braves staged quite a few rallies and won games that previously they would have lost. Robbie has now scored 104 runs while Chipper Jones has driven in 96 with only 19 HR. Alomar has knocked 42 doubles while being second on hte team with 65 RBI, not bad for a lead-off man. "Don't forget about the pitching" stated Aaron. Smoltz is just tearing up the league with a record of 18-2 and 16 CG. His only problem has been in giving up the long ball. He leads the team in HR allowed with 26. Hoffman has been spectacular in relief but hasn't been getting many appearances due to the lack of save situations. Kevin Ritz has been pitching in bad luck all year but is finally starting to get some breaks. He leads the team with 17 unearned runs allowed. Defensively the Braves have been much improved with the acquisition of Greg Gagne who has surprised Aaron with his bat. "We picked Greg up for his defense with the idea that any offense that he generated would be extra. Well, he's hitting .302 with 7HR, mostly in key spots. He's been a big reason why Robbie has so many RBI's." Jermaine Dye replaced Derek Bell in RF at the beginning of the month due to Bell's lack of production. "We acquired Bell to give us some offense but he's been struggling at .218 while Jermaine's hitting .312 with 5 HR. "I don't think that it's a coincidence that we started to take off when Dye took over in RF" said Aaron. The Braves have a big series in Milwaukee this month. "We're hoping to take 4 again this month like we did last month" stated Aaron. "They've got some big sticks but the way to handle Milwaukee is to prevent McGwire from hurting you. The best way is to throw high heat inside right away. This seems to take the starch out of him. He even pretended to be injured in our last series so that he wouldn't have to face our pitchers any more." ---Steve Sargent VERITIES AND BALDERDASH Tales From the 1st Half By Spike Jones - Special to the Home Plate Press (Seattle) - The Kingdome has seen many a strange sight this year. None was stranger than the night the power-laden Mariners literally ran all over the Angels. In the finale of a five game set against Anaheim on June 7, the Mariners stole 11 bases. This is believed to be a single game record for a team in the MBL. Someone with a longer memory than mine might claim otherwise, but for now the record belongs to the Kingdome. Likewise, Luis Castillo might have the individual record for steals in one game with seven, including 2 of home. With a performance like this, Bret Boone is one step from Tacoma, or the trading block. Interested managers may contact GM Barry for rights to this slick fielding out machine. Terry Steinbach is in therapy. His therapist is stressing the positive: He did throw out two runners. However 2 of 13 is not a terribly useful percentage. The Mariners have guys who can strike out in bunches. But generally they hit well enough to compensate for it. Not well enough in a 6-5 extra inning loss to Atlanta on June 29th. Twenty-four, count'em, twenty-four, Mariner batters whiffed in the 13 frames played. Terrell Wade started and was knocked out in the 5th, but not before fanning 10 Mariners. Florie added 2 in an inning. But those sissies Ken Ryan and Pedro Borbon could only get 1 in 2 and 2/3 innings. Trevor Hoffman, however, had a manly splitter working and he struck out 11 over the final five innings. This game surely set records: 24 strikeouts for a team, 11 by one reliever, and 38 strikeouts by both teams. Rumor has it the breeze was so great in the Dome, that the air coditioning was turned off. Luis Castillo, he of the possible individual whiff record of 5, was bummed. He is exploring contacts as a possibility. More bummed was manager Barry who noted that Castillo was his make contact get on base guy. Where, oh where, is Joey Cora? Injuries mounted. Johnson, Sorrento and Foster all enjoyed stints on the DL. But the oddest injury went to Butch Huskey. In an early morning nite club tiff with Mike Tyson, Huskey had part of his left ear bitten off. Tyson, incensed by an accidental head butt from Huskey on the dance floor (Huskey fancies himself a dancer in the same sense he fancies himself an outfielder), went ballistic. Huskey was doing the funky chicken with Miss Dee Dee Packalotte. Tyson was doing a move with his latest mistress. Tyson zigged. Huskey zagged. BOOM! BONK! CONK! Pandemonium reigned. Tyson charged Huskey, and swooped in for the chomp. After several minutes of scuffling, the two were separated. Huskey was rushed to the hospital with a mangledear. Hours later, the janitorial staff found the ear piece on the floor. It too was rushed to the hospital, but efforts to reattach it to Huskey were negative. Even though Tyson was at fault, manager Barry believed Huskey was acting ear-responsibly by being out so late. Barry hit him with a $10,000 fine. When asked to comment on the fine, Huskey replied, "What did you say?" Mariner Moments: Griffey and Martinez continue to plug along. Rodriguez, Klesko and the first basemen are enjoying fine offensive seasons. The pitching is spotty, yet surprisingly has registered 5 shutouts. The Mariners are on a pace to hit 240 homers. They might also whiff 1200 times. While pennant hopes fade, a bevy of individual stats keep the fans interested. Mostly, they enjoy the hitting and wait for the allstar game to see if any of the locals make it. And they look for a sign, any sign, that this team can get on track. MARINER MISTAKES: Mariner fans are screaming over the loss of Jose Cruz Jr. to the San Diego Padres. Fans cannot believe that the second base hole is to be filled by Tony Womack. Yet another fellow who couldn't hit in the tradition of Bret Boone, Luis Castillo and the now departed Ralph Millard. How long must they suffer these indignities? The key player in the trade is "Fat" Matt Williams who at 31 is likely to move to 1st base soon thus leaving the 3rd base hole open again in a few years. Paul Sorrento and Mark Johnson see a platoon in their future. All is not bleak however. On the plus side the Kingdome construction crew can now move ahead with plans to repair the 'Dome's ceiling tiles. Cruz's prodigious shots had heretofore made such repairs senseless. Manager Barry is said to be on his way out. The short list of replacement candidates include Griffey Sr., Alvin Davis, Jim Pressley and Ken Phelps. "It can only be an improvement", said disgruntled Darren Bragg. ---Pat Barry COLE SETTLES IN A's new owner Rick Cole appeared (just how does one "appear" on radio?) on ESPN Radio's Fabulous Sports Babe Show today, answering questions about the future of the Bay-area franchise, the management team and possible roster moves. The following are excerpts highlighting the discussion, with a full transcript to appear in an upcoming issue of the new team newsletter, the "Athletic Supporter". BABE: Now, tell me, what's a good ol' Canadian boy like yerself gettin' involved in something like the Molson Baseball League doin' anyway??? COLE: Well, Babe, we've been busy getting ready for the first Molson Hockey League season this summer and I got to know Jack Buchanan, who's also the Commish over there. I've been looking to invest in baseball for a while now, and Jack called me up the other day and told me the Athletics were going up for sale. Thanks to a recent successful defamation of character lawsuit I had some ready cash available and picked up the team for a song. BABE: For a song? And just what was that song???? COLE: I believe the name of it was "Philadelphia Freedom"...but seriously, that's between Chris and me... BABE: Ahhh, do I detect a little tease towards the fine people of Philadelphia??? Could the A's be moving east??? COLE: Well, first of all, Babe, they are not the A's, they are only going to be known as the Athletics, and any reference to the team by the name A's will result in legal action. Secondly, since I live in the eastern time zone, I think it's a real inconvenience for me to have to stay up late to watch our home games...I haven't spoken to Oakland city officials, but I expect to pretty soon. I have spoken to the Mayor in Philadephia and we've discussed building a new Shibe Park right on the site of the old stadium...I think the chances of moving there are pretty good right now. BABE: Hey, isn't Shibe park now a church or something? Didn't they turn it into some type of big church? COLE: Yeah, that's true, but it only seats 5,100 so we'll have to do some work to it to bring it up to speed. I can see the Marquee now...Shibe Park, home of the Athletics and their supporters "In God we Truss" BABE: Wow, too much...planning any other major changes to the organization? COLE: We've got some things in mind, but I don't want to say too much until we talk to the Commish...we're looking at the team's roots right back to the National Association days. BABE: So, what are the plans for the on the field product? Got any scoops for us there? COLE: We are planning to change managers...I had planned to name Bubba Phillips manager as of July 15, but unfortunately Bubba passed away a few years ago, so we may have to alter that plan. One option there is that if and when we move to Philly, I might just hire Shane Mack's sister Connie to run the team...I think it's time for the first woman manager in baseball. BABE: How about player moves...what's cookin' there? COLE: We're looking over the waiver wire, but I gotta get a handle on the finances first. We haven't talked trade with anyone yet, but I'm hoping to make some changes soon. I'm not really happy with our pitching as it sits right now. BABE: Now, I heard a rumor that the Big Hurt might be on his way outa town...what's up with that?? COLE: Frank's agent has told me that he would really rather play in the east, so moving the team might make him happy. But I'll tell you this, Babe, this team needs a shakeup and no one is untouchable. If the right deal comes along, I'll trade anyone, including big Frank. Bottom line is, we gotta get better in a lot of places. At this point the conversation deteriorated into a banal discussion of rival beer brands and the shrinking Canadian Dollar. ---Rick Cole JUNE SWOON The move into intra-league and intra-division play did not strengthen the Jays position in the Rickey Division, as they had hoped it would. Long time hitting coach, Al Kaline, hit the nail on the head as to why, "they've not been able to generate any competitive fire in themselves." Indeed, the Blow, er Blue, Jays look like they are waiting for the proverbial sword to drop as each game progresses. A classic example is the 10-13 loss to Saint Louis on 19 June. Rookie Huck Flener had allowed but one run through 7 innings, had a 8-1 lead but was visibly labouring in the eighth. Buddy Bell came out of the dug out to replace Flener. At that point one could literally hear the "oh no" groans coming from the Jays. Joe Hudson and Tim Crabtree then combined to let 7 runs score and Mike Bielicki gives up 2 homer in the 11th, to satisfy the self-fulfilling prophecy. Given the Jays relative position,m we decided to corner GM Pat Gillick [we caught him in an elevator in the Skydome complex] and play "20 questions." HPP: Any chance to catch the Dodgers, Orioles? PG: No. Not short of a real miracle. HPP: Others have stated that this was expected, given your trades and lavishing money on Kendall versus spreading it across other players. PG: Expected not to win division -- yes. Be this far below 0.500 again -- no. With Delgado not being able to play at catcher...hell, you know the rest of the catcher answer. HPP: You've been silent on waiver claims. PG: Owner has been out of town a lot; unfortunately, given the budget, our long term planning, and pending litigation by a dissatisified player [Carr], he wants to okay any pick up / drop actions. HPP: So what are your next actions? PG: Why should I tell you? Besides its pretty obvious. Now let go of the emergency stop button. HPP: You mean trade/sell the veterans to contenders. Pick up prospects or future considerations. PG: Of course. Release the emergency stop. That noise is irritating! HPP: Any negotiations on going? PG: Yes. GIVE ME THAT!!! HPP: Thanks for the interview. Jays Chatter: In response to Walt's (rhetorical?) questions from last issue...(1) I have been busy doing things like coaching Katie & Alex's baseball teams, attending Anna dance recitals, business traveling for 3 days per trip, 3 trips a month since January, and turning 40 earlier this month. . .(2) I've not sent much email because I am not getting much time on home computer these days -- Anna has Muppet Treasure Island game, Alex is trying to beat all scenarios in Warcraft I & II, Katie had homework requiring web searches for research (3rd grade), and Martine is trying to pull together a State wide conference. . . (3) Of course I read the articles, doesn't everybody? [rhetorical] due to my AOL access I download and then read . . .(4) 59, he's bound to get hurt again. . . (5) I'd think the retaining party would be happy and the other would not be. . . (6) I too though Clemens was being overpaid and taking a slot away from one of the prospects; now it looks like a decent investment and a way to avoid rushing the young hurlers. . . (7) I think so, but I'd like to see another team win especially since Reinsdorf owns da Bulls. . . (8) I cared about who was in The Cup! I have been a Wings fan since I was 4. Glad to see one of the original six regain some stature. Now the 'Hawks are the long frustrated team; the local franchise (Blues) are likely to be the 'Hawk succesor "long suffering" team because they are still playing/developing teams like an expansion club. . . (9) No TV, coached kids' baseball games instead; baseball really could use a Tiger Woods [impact] star. . . | . . . Geronimo Berroa has won the Blue Jay player of the month for the fouth dtraight month, the award is being retired for the rest of this season. . . Mike Timlin gets the pitcher of the month. . . the team's crumble away from 0.500 ball is contained in three loosing streaks of 6 games (Mar), 6 games (May) and 5 games (June). [April had a 5 game winning streak.] ---Joe Samocha 'STROS LIMP TO LEAD The MBL can be a humbling experience. WIth the division crashing down around them, the Astros did what seemed natural as well, they went into a free fall. On the heels of a 3-2 home loss to San Diego, they experienced a humiliating 2-2 series tie with the Cardinals before saving some dignity in dispatching the Phillies 4-1 to barely earn a winning record in the month. Part of the problem was in the pen, where rookie Billy Wagner was dispatched to New Orleans to work on his control and Jeff Juden was working on being converted to a starter. In their places, rookies Ricardo Jordan and Jaime Bluma had limited success, prompting speculation that Wagner and Juden would be back in Houston soon. Clutch hitting remained a problem with the 4 and 5 hitters, Caminiti and Jordan particularly suspect. On the other hand starting pitching was solid, with Donne Wall taking over brilliantly for injured potential all star Mark Portugal. Although the Astros will most likely be in first at the all star break, it is difficult to project just who would be on the roster other than Kenny Lofton. The Astros management, contemplating on the serious side, is beginning to wonder if we are a cursed franchise, at least to our players. Reliever Matt Turner developed lymphoma; now Eric Davis has colon cancer, despite being off to one of the best starts of his career. By the way from a medical perspective while many young people get lymphoma, the chance of getting colon cancer as a young man is infantesimal (approximaely equal to finding a contestent in ESPN's X-Games without a goatee). But these are just our lifethreatening ailments: Darren Jackson had thyroid disease, Jeff Bagwell gets an annual ceremonial broken hand, now even Mark Portugal, the only pitcher left from the original team we inherited is out with a bum arm and I didn't think he threw hard enough to damage anything. Anybody know who else is left from those original Astros? Biggio, Strawberry, and Caminiti remain although Ken was shipped to Atlanta for a couple of years. Ben MacDonald and Charles Nagy came through the first draft while Ed Nunez and Mike Bielecki were waiver picks. I inherited an opening day lineup of: Bill Doran 2b, Biggio C, Strawberry rf, George Bell lf, Franklin Stubbs 1b, Robin Yount (on the down side) cf, Caminiti 3b, Walt Weiss ss. The starters were Jim Deshailes, Portugal, Bielecki, Greg Harris, and I think the awful Bill Gullickson. We lost about 115 games. As much as I'd like to complain about my team this year, I think that on second thought I'd better be satisfied. ---Rich Polin MIRED IN MEDIOCRITY The Yankees continue to go through the season at a .500 clip. It looked like the Yanks had turned the corner by winning two series against division rival the Jays and the Red dogs ( I mean the Cardinals). The Yanks managed to pull off the win against the Jays by winning the final two games of the series. They overcame a 1-hitter thrown by the Jays in the opener. The Yankees then traveled to San Fransico and were beat up three games to one. The series was a low scoring one as the pitching dominated. The Yanks then headed back home for a 14 game home stand. Yankees owner Sotolar was heard to have said that this was a time for the pinstripes to sink or swim. Chuck Engles Cards were the first team to visit the Yanks. To greet the Cards owner Engle the Yankees had a bring a dog to the park game promotion. The Cards owner was visibliy upset by all the potential partners in attendence , that he missed out seeing the Cards lose the series three games to two. Engle gives new meaning to the phrase, Bark like a dog!! The Newest division rival the O's came to town and Spanked the Yanks. Owner Sotolar completly lost control and had a fit in the locker room. The doors were closed for 30 minutes after the final game and players were threatened with trades or demotions. " If these shit bums don"t want to play for the Yanks the can go to hell. Better yet I wil trade their asses to St. Louis or some other bush league orginazation. Thing will change!!! " lashed out an angry Sotolar. That tirade must have opened some eyes because the Yankees responded with excellent series against the Padres and the Dodgers. Against San Diego the Yankees were on fire. They batted .302 for the series pounding out 13 Home runs in four games. Pitcher Mike Mussina had one of his best outings of the year striking out 10 in a 4-2 Yankee win. The Yankees then traveled to La La land to face the Dodgers. The Dodgers fell 4 games to one as the Yankees won their second series of the season from LA. "This will be the start of something good. When we win the division we will look back at this series and see that it was the turning point of our season.", said thirdbaseman Gary Gaetti. Yankee Doodles: The Yankees superscout George Constanza has announced the signing of Japenesse All-Star pitcher Hideki Irabu. " He will definitly be an All-Star in the MBL. He is extremely overpowering and we will start him out slowly. He must first come to agreement with the Japan Board of Goveners and he should be in the US shortly. ", exclaimed an excited Constanza. This signing may have saved Georges' job. He was said to be on the hot seat for some of his earlier deals in the season.... Against the Padres the Yankees went yard back-to back-to back as Ellis Burks , Juan Gonzalez and Gary Gaetti accomplished the feat. ---Chip Sotolar

NO JUNE SWOON FOR THE SENS The month of June was mighty fine to the Washington Senators as they went 18-10 and won series' against all four Harris division rivals. They started off the month taking three of five in San Diego. Once again, lame-duck owner Jack Buchanan was nowhere to be seen in southern California. Just as well for Jack, as the Senators lit up his pitching staff for 38 runs. Despite Buchanan's absence, 'Da Guvnah' felt compelled to speak out on behalf of Senator owner Gord Fitzgerald. Addressing the unsubstantiated attacks levelled against Fitzgerald in last month's HPP, 'Da Guvnah' observed that "Methinks Buchanan doth protest too much. Think about it. In the past, Mr. Fitzgerald has only issued terse denials in response to what truly were unsubstantiated charges being levelled against him. Buchanan, on the other hand, when confronted with allegations, dredged up more fantasies than a phone-sex operator in attempts to smear Fitzgerald. Why the hostility? One can only conclude that Mr. Fitzgerald's allegations about Buchanan and Ted Kennedy contain more than a hint of truth." After the visit to San Diego, the Senators had to take the red-eye back to DC for a series with the much despised Dodgers. Not surprisingly it took some time for them to get their legs and the Dodgers took 3 of 4. The only noteworthy part of the Dodgers visit was the fact Mike Piazza was seen receiving pointers from Pudge Rodriguez. Not only is Pudge the best cathcer in the MBL he is also a gracious man, willing to help his inferiors at the position. Next up was the Giants and Washington took 4 of 5 before heading to Philadelphia to face Gambino's thugs. Game 1 was a wild affair. No doubt acting under instructions from above, Jose Canseco was beaned and put on the DL where it is expected he'll miss 22 games. But the Senators had the last laugh, rallying late in the game to win 5-4 with two runs in the ninth, the winning run scoring when Jose Valentin stole home. And he did it in style, crossing the plate standing up and running BACKWARDS before dropping his drawers and mooning the mobsters in the owner's box. The teams went on to split the remaining four games before ducking out of town in a flotilla of bullet proof limousines. Before departing, 'Da Guvnah' remarked that "Philadelphia is a depressing enough town without the villagers there having to watch Gambino's stiffs too. I only wish we didn't have to come back here this year." After that it was back home to take 3 of 5 from the Astros before closing out the month with a four game sweep in Toronto. Mr. Fitzgerald was treated like a conquering hero on his return to his hometown. Escorts offered their services to him at half price and the press was hanging on every word he spoke. At the press conference the day before the series opened, he took the opportunity to welcome fellow Canadian Rick Cole to the league, observing that the Commonwealth contingent in the MBL keeps growing what with the Phillies, Seantors and now the Athletics all having connections to the British Empire. ---Gord Fitzgerald DOG DAYS OF SUMMER COME EARLY TO PHILADELPHIA PHILADELPHIA - The month of June was not kind to the Philadelphia Phillies. After one year of Gambino Group ownership, the Phils have little to show in the way of progress. The month commenced with a four-game trip to St. Louis that resulted in a split. The series saw both the Phillies' 50th loss for the season as well as a combined Pedro Astacio-Dan Plesac shutout in game four. Returning home to face Baltimore for another four game set, the team did not retain its .500 ways. The 1-3 series result came as a disappointment to fans, especially given the team's .225 batting average against O's pitching. The team leader in hits for the series, C Benito Santiago, recorded only three singles and a home run for the series. When this pitiful team performance at the plate is coupled with the awful spectacles on the mound in the series (6.00 team ERA), then one understands why the Phils lost three of four. SP James Baldwin nevertheless put in a spectacular performance on the mound in game one, picking up the sole victory in eight innings before giving way to RP Eric Plunk, who completed the shutout performance. The next team to enter visitor-friendly Veterans Stadium was the hated San Diego Padres. Looking to build on last month's 4-1 series victory over Tommy Herr's team, the Phils once again played the fools as San Diego took the series, 3-2. This despite "targeted" injuries to Padre SS John Valentin and OF Reggie Jefferson. LF Dante Bichette led the way on offense with seven hits, including a pair of RBI and home runs 11 and 12 for the season. SP Denny Neagle turned in a rare quality start, striking out seven in eight innings. Typical of his season thus far, he picked up the loss. CF Chad Curtis, RF Orlando Merced and 2B Fernando Vina all kept the Phils close with spectacular play in the field. Veteran Stadium janitor Charlie Lo'Bianco hardly had time to pick up all the used syringes in the visitors' clubhouse before having to refill the condom machine and bowls of Joy Jelly in anticipation of the Washington Senators' arrival in Philadelphia for a five-game set. Once again, the Phils went 2-3, repeating their performance at RFK a month ago. Game one proved to be the crucial match. The Senators went ballistic after DH Jose "1-900" Canseco was shot in the posterior with a poison dart by the Phillie Phanatic (Gambino has since denied that the person in the Phanatic costume was none other than a Mr Holman, team Director of Marketing and Entertainments). The Senators retaliated with an RPG strike on the Phillies dugout which threw shrapnel into Santiago's right arm, causing him to miss three games. But worse was yet to come. Attempting to protect a 3-2 Philadelphia lead in the eigth, closer Dan "the Gas Can" Plesac allowed the tying run to score, and then the winning run, which came on a Jose Valentin steal of home. In true Senator taste, Valentin then proceeded to moon the owner's box. "Hitting" coach Don Baylor then withdrew a large semi-automatic pistol with the intention (in his words) of "making sure that mother-f***er will never sit down again." But the pistol jammed, and Valentin waltzed back to the dugout after his unsavoury display. The debacle seemed to take whatever steam there was in the Phils' lineup, despite another solid performance by Bichette (six hits and an RBI). Baldwin once again pitched well, picking up another victory after fanning nine in eight innings. OF Derrick May, a former Brewer from Gambino's days as the reigning family in Milwaukee, made his first appearance in a Phillies uniform after being picked up off of waivers in the middle of the month. After travelling to the liberal haven of sexual depravity and political correctness that is the People's Republic of San Francisco (where a news blackout following the series is still in force), the Phils returned home just in time to lost four of five to the first-place Houston Astros. Vina led the way on offence with seven hits, a pair of RBI and triple. SP Pedro Astacio pitched effectively, recording seven Ks in as many innings, but nevertheless picked up the loss. Pitching in general was abysmal, as indicated by the 7.07 ERA posted by the staff for the series. To make matters worse, the Astros succeeded in injuring Santiago and 3B Jeff Cirillo. HIT LIST: Santiago recorded his 20th homer of the season in the 5-4 loss to Washington on 17 June. He leads the team in home runs...With a 2-3 performance against the Senators, May officially leads the Phillies in hitting with a .667 average...Holman's marketing maneuvers for July include "Fry a Jay Day" on the 6th, where every fan bringing a dead blue jay to the park will receive free admission to the afternoon contest against visiting Toronto. In Holman's words, "You produce the corpse, will give you the ticket. Ballplayers count as well!" Other promotional events include the Rich Polin Slander Day on the 17th against Houston, when eight lucky fans will have the opportunity to say something nasty about the Astros' owner in between innings. In GM Ray Luca's words, "Everyone thinks Rich is such a nice guy because he don't stir up no trouble in the division. But he ain't so nice." ---Todd Clark NEW STADIUM IN LA LA LAND Repair efforts are under way to rebuild Dodger Stadium. The outfield stands are crumbling down. Seats are falling. Concrete pillars are cracking. No one seems to know why. First indications point to the obvious. The stands can only take so many monster home run shots by the likes of Piazza and Palmerio before something had to give. With the added pop by newcomer Kevin Elster, the stands were getting punished. The Dodgers had to take their June series against the Yankees, originally scheduled for LA, to New York. "We usually don't mind going on the road," said manager Ken Phelps. "In fact, we have a better road record this year. I just wish it wasn't New York. It just down right stinks there." The new stadium is scheduled for completion in time for the July series. Crews are working around the clock to have the state of the art stadium done in time. "Dats a lot of work in uh week," said ex-Yankee Gary Pettis of Pettis Cuntrucshon. "We never did nothin' this big but it's an honor to do work for a team like the Dodgers. I just wish I played for them. I'd still be working somewhere with the team, I'm sure. They take care of their folks." Crews are working from home plate out. It is still to be determined what is going to be done to the outfield to relieve the stress. First plans have been scrapped. An "outdoor Metrodome" was created to scale. The tarps were so thick to absorb the punishing shots that they will have to take that when a gust of wind was simulated, the whole stadium was lifted off it's foundation. Another plan had the whole stadium being shifted so the home run balls would land in the ocean. That plan was scrapped when the Wild Life Protection Association send hundreds of thousands of picketers to LA to help save the whales. Apparently they've been watching too many episodes of Seinfeld. In the best interest of baseball, Dodger execs are considering just trading some pitchers to St. Louis and New York. "If those two teams had some real pitching, we wouldn't be hitting the ball so damn hard," said Mike Piazza. `You come at us with Tapani, Watson, Belcher, Darwin, we can't help but hitting the shit out of the ball. We have guys sitting in the minors waiting for a shot at the bigs who would pitch circles around those guys." Dodger stadium is expected to have it's new look within a week. All other owners looking for correspondence from LA should hang in there. You are not being ignored. ---Bob Biermann CUBS - HIGH WATER MARK At the mid-June point of my fourth season with the Cubs, they have reached their high water mark of 14 games over .500. Remarkable, unexpected, unpredicted, and a winning percentage that will not last for long. As you know, writing about these things jinxes them. Last month I mentioned Frankie Rodriquez's record was 10-2, he of course promptly lost his next three decisions. The reality that the Cubs record will get worse instead of better is based not on superstition, but on the predestination of the replayed season. Sammy Sosa, who has been near the top of the league in homeruns, has not suffered his 40 game injury yet. So just like in real life, this year you can count on the Cubs to fade in August. I am sorry to see that Chris Klug has dropped his MBL team, but not surprised. Since he mentioned a couple of months ago that he was bored with modern baseball, I have been expecting it. My concern is with Diamond Dreams. Is he leaving to devote more time to the game? What about the game itself, will we finally see ball park effects, anything other than a DOS version? Ball park effects is the one feature that the game must have, especially with Colorado's inflated offensive stats. Every year we tinker with the MBL rules, but when was the last time we were ask as a group to provide suggests for improving the game itself. Does the game need improvement? Maybe I am the only one who thinks so. Why do we wait until the baseball season is over to discuss rules questions via e-mail instead of in this public forum? I would like to recommend that we limit the number of games that full time players can be injured each season. If we keep track for pitchers, why can't we do it for position players? A change to the way players are injured in Diamond Dreams would also be great. Some players would have two injury ratings. Here is my case. A players gets nicked a couple of times during the season and sits out a few games. He should receive an A rating, but he also pulled a hamstring and went on the DL for 15 days. He should have a C or D rating for that. On his card it would read A/C for example. Instead of just the little "i" on the card, different symbols would represent the diffent durations of the injuries. Since it is a matter of record how many times a players went of the DL and for how long, it can be tracked by the owners and the game in the case of full season replays. Not everyone is participating in the league again this year. I have noticed that we are nowhere close to 100% participation in writing articles for the HPP, even though you get $$$ for doing it this year. Just as important, is anyone out there reading this bullshit. I am bored to tears ever month to read so many articles about who on your team is playing well/badly, how you squeaked out a 3-2 series victory against a division rival, or how someone was benched or sent to the minors for poor performance. WHO CARES! Well you care, but does anyone else. WRITE SOMETHING INTERESTING! I think that most of you are of the opinion that your article should look like the weekly team capsule review in Baseball Weekly. Sorry folks that is not a rule. Write about what ever the hell you want to. Does it always have to be about baseball, NO. Tell us about how your kid did at soccer/tee ball/basketball, what is it like to live in another country, what are your favorite web sites, this is now an internet forum in case you didn't notice. Tell us what you stand for, what pisses you off, what makes you happy, and for you newer guys - Who the hell are you , where did you grow up, who are your favorite sports teams? Maybe you new guys would like to know who us old league farts are. Writing these articles every month should not be drudgery, make it fun. Have fun or why are you doing this baseball league thing at all. If any of this tirad is annoying you or making you mad, write about it. Tell me that you think I hit the bull's eye with my commentary or that I am an idiot and should have a bat jammed up my ass, write about it. More Private Parts - I just received the coolest present a football fan could receive. My new son-in-law knows what a huge Pittsburgh Steeler fan I am and for my birthday gave me an autographed football with five Super Bowl winners signatures, Bradshaw, Franco, Jack Ham, Mean Joe Greene, and Lynn Swan. Oh those sweet memories of the 70's. Web site of the month www.xenafan.com. Did any of you see Lucy's boob flop out when she was singing the national anthem during the NHL playoffs? Now that Chris has resigned from the MBL, I am claiming his spot as the Official MBL Gillian Anderson fan. My list of Official MBL fan titles now also includes Howard Stern, Pittsburgh Steelers, and Penn State Nittany Lions. ---Walt Bick MURPH RENAMED FENWAY San Diego fans were surprised in June when they noticed that all the leftfield seats no longer could see the field. Owner Jack Buchanan, eager to get his relocating franchise some practice doubling off the wall in next-season's home park, had the 40-foot wall erected during a Padre road trip in late May. "It was a shock to all of us," manager Tom Herr said. "It is kind of funny looking, especially since the palm trees are still out there." LF Ron Gant blamed his poor performance on the distractions behind him. "That must be why I'm striking out so often," the slugger said. "Oh yeah, I'm fanning at the plate, too." The move to Boston cannot come quickly enough for this once-proud franchise. "Perrotti must be moving to Tibet to escape news of what has happened," said one disgruntled season ticket holder. "I only come to games to boo the Sens, Beavers, Stros, and Sillies." Coming into the season with a lineup featuring Gwynn, Alomar, Gant, Williams, and McGriff, the Padres will leave town with Todd Haney, Becker (Boris?), and Jefferson. The dramatic change continued this month when Matt Williams' request to stay on the west coast was granted via a trade with the Seattle Mariners for Jose Cruz, Jr. Williams follows Andy Benes, Ramon Martinez, Robbie Alomar, Roger Clemens, and Trevor Hoffman on the bus out of town --- all traded within the last four months off what was the defending Harris Division squad. "Things will get better eventually, I guess," said another ticket holder. "I am just pissed that I'll have to buy a dish to see it happen [in Boston]. I think Buchanan started rebuilding this year so his first season in Massachusetts wouldn't be a bad one." Whitey Herzog held a press conference to deal with the wave of discontent as the team struggled through June losing all but one series. "Yes, we're less competitive than we would have been, but look at who we'll have next year --- Jones, Garciaparra, D'Amico, Cruz, Suppan. Plus, we added Randy Myers for cash. I think we'll be OK, and Tony [Gwynn] should absolutely love Fenway Park." While Herzog's statement might bring rare cheers from writers of the Boston Globe, his words ring hollow in Southern California. "Now we'll have to choose between Anaheim and the Lodgers. What a sickening proposition," noted one radio talk show host. "I almost forgot to mention Piazza is a pussy," he continued. SOX YARNS: Mike Tyson should be banned from boxing for what he did. What a cheap thing to do. It is a shame he can only have 10% of the purse taken away. He's paid more than OJ! ... The squad is looking for 1998 help at 3B in the wake of the Williams trade. Interested parties can contact Whitey Herzog at Yawkey Way. ... Manager Tom Herr has still not had his contract renewed past the end of the season. The recent collapse of the team may make things more difficult for Herzog's long-time field general, one who managed the Cubs to their only World Series title in 1990. ... LHP Mark Langston returned to the rotation after spending a few weeks in Pawtucket. Langston helped coach youngsters Jeff Suppan, Brandon Rose, and Carl Pavano. Fellow lefty Brian Anderson showed the most improvement during Langston's exile by lowering his ERA a full run. Anderson is expected to get a look in September. ---Jack Buchanan A STATEMENT My team is shitty. ---Chuck Engle Don't miss the upcoming Molson Hockey League season!